-----------------------------
When I woke up, I was alone in bed. I called out Rob’s name but got no answer. I reluctantly got out of bed, feeling a bit groggy. I put on some clothes and went to the bathroom to take a leak. I decided to take a hot shower and after a good ten minutes, I got out and went back into Rob’s room to get dressed. I think at least half of my clothes were in his drawer because I spent so many nights there.
I headed down the stairs, looking for Rob and found him in the kitchen, having breakfast and reading the latest NME magazine as I had done the previous night.
It wouldn’t be far from the truth if I told you that we learned pretty much everything we needed to know about Rock in that magazine. Back then, We read about the latest groups, without even listening to their music, just trying to follow their career and to immerse ourselves in the rock scene. Reviews in NME were so well written that even if the groups were bad, they managed to make you hear the music, make you vibrate with the lyrics and the message it conveyed. We were so excited about the all rock scene! We totally loved it because the teenagers that we were could easily identify with the kind of lyrics that they sang. It talked to us because we felt that the changes we were going through in our life were mirrored in this music. This weekly magazine was our getaway, we could totally lost ourselves in there, dreaming about what it could be like to live like them, wanting nothing more but to enter that world ourselves.
It was Saturday, and apparently, we were the only two people in the house.
"Hey you up, how you feeling?" he asked.
"Fine. Why didn’t you wake me?"
"I don't think you would've appreciated it if I had."
I sat down at the table, had a fruit and poured some cereals into a bowl. I wasn't looking at Rob but I could feel his gaze on me.
I decided to break the silence.
"I can’t wait for tonight," I said, feeling butterflies in my stomach.
We were to play in a club in Dublin. We played in Dublin every weekends, mostly on Saturday nights in pubs, so we were used to it. We had been doing that for the past eight months or so, and we had a few dedicated fans already. Our performances were often uploaded on youtube by some of them and we were receiving a lot of support and great comments. We were starting to get noticed.
This gig was a bit different though. It had been scheduled for weeks and we had been rehearsing hard to be ready. It was not going to take place in a small pub as usual, but in a club.
"Yeah, me too. I’m a bit apprehensive though. There’s gonna be a lot of people tonight. I’ve been trying to hold back the nerves since I woke up!"
"You’ll be great, you always are." I told him sincerely.
He gazed at me with a smile, with those eyes. He was looking deep into my soul.
"Well, at least, it takes my mind off last night."
I was waiting for him to bring it up to the conversation. So far we were both acting as if nothing had happened.
I hesitated but asked him, "How do you feel about it?"
"Me? What about you?"
"I asked you first," I told him.
He let out a small laugh. "Honestly?... I wanna do it again … and again… and again!" he told me seductively.
I smiled, feeling a bit uncomfortable. I placed my hand behind the back of my neck and rubbed it as I sighed, "I’m so confused."
"I know you are," he said sincerely, looking straight at me.
"I know that you don’t even think you’re gay … but you did want to have sex with a guy last night…with me… Fuck, even I’m confused." He breathed. "I’m not sure what’s going on in your head right now, and why you feel like this."
I wasn’t looking at him as he was talking.
"Neither do I," I replied. "I need to talk about this. And it seems like you’re the only one I can talk to," I said, my eyes meeting his.
"That’s fine. I suppose I can help you figure it out. We can talk. I’ll always be here if you need to talk. Mark, I really want you to know that I meant everything I told you last night. I know I can get over you as long as I don’t lose you as a friend. You mean the world to me. I know we can accomplish great things together… and with the guys. But I’m afraid… I’m afraid it might be harder to get over you if we… you know. I don’t know if I’ll be able to."
I was looking down at my bowl of cereals again. I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t find the right words. I finished my breakfast, lost in my own thoughts. When I was done, I stood up to put the bowl in the sink and I stayed there. He came up behind me and placed his hand on my shoulder. He hugged me from behind and I enjoyed feeling his chest pressed against my back. He felt strong. We didn’t move for a moment.
"Are you having second thoughts? Do you regret what happened?" he asked me.
I slowly shook my head no. "I loved it last night. I told you, I wanted it to happen. I just, I don’t understand why I feel like this. I know I really care about you," I said as I turned around to face him. "But maybe it’s just infatuation, and you've got all these… feeling for me. I don’t wanna hurt you."
We were silent for a few seconds. I just watched him and I started to feel those urges again, He looked beautiful to me.
I didn’t know what he was doing to me, but the more I looked at him, the more I saw him in a different light. Knowing that he loved me and that he wanted me was changing my whole outlook.
"I don’t mind getting hurt," he said softly and with confidence.
He took my hand in his and rested his chin on my shoulder. We didn’t speak a word. He started kissing my shoulder very lightly through my tshirt. Then, he raised his head and we looked into each other’s eyes. I moved my head closer to his and he brought his lips to mine. We kissed gently, not using our tongue. The kiss got longer, unbroken by either of us. I parted my lips and his tongue slipped into my mouth.
Like the night before, Rob started to take control. He pulled me closer to him, one hand behind my neck, the other on my lower back, and started kissing me more deeply. God, he was good at that. It felt like he was trying to consume me, like he wanted to melt into me. He kissed my lower lip and sucked on my tongue, and I did the same to him. He kept squeezing me to him and all I wanted to do was to give myself to him as much as I could. All my doubts and questions didn’t matter at all anymore.
He pulled back and whispered, "I just love kissing you. I didn’t know if I would ever be able to feel like this. I feel like I’ve been waiting for this for so long," he told me. I could just moan.
"I love you," he said kissing my cheek. "You feel so good, you smell so good, I love you. Feels so good to finally tell you."
I kissed him full on the lips as a reply. He soon pulled away and looked around."We can’t stay here, let’s go upstairs."
As soon as we entered his bedroom, he locked the door and came over to me. He placed his arms under mine and brought his hands up to my shoulder and he kissed me full on the lips, which caused my cock to get harder and become uncomfortable in my jeans. We both moaned, wanting each other badly, and he nibbled at my neck. He let go of my shoulders, put his hands on my hips and they quickly found their way up my back, under my tshirt and he pulled me toward him. We kept kissing, it was so intense, I could hardly move, we were both breathing hard.
He pulled up my t-shirt and I decided to stop letting him be in control. I did the same to him. I placed my hand on his pec and let my fingers run down his stomach.
Both my hands reached for his jeans. I surprised him a little by pushing him closer to the bed and he sat on the edge while I pushed his jeans down to his ankles and started chewing on his underwear. I knew I was providing just enough stimulation to turn him on like crazy and all he could do was moan.
He fell onto his back and put his face in his hands as I pulled down his underwear, grabbed his cock gently and stroked him for the first time.
I had seen him hard before, but not in such a situation. His cock looked a lot like mine, about seven to eight inches, not circumcised, a little bit thicker than mine.
I wasn’t sure I wanted to blow him just yet, but I felt ready to try. I stroked him with a nice rhythm and started kissing his stomach, loving how hard it felt, loving his well-defined abs, loving feeling his hardness against the palm of my hand, and again, wondering why.
I continued my journey up, and licked his right nipple, remembering I had loved it when he had done it to me the previous night. I bathed it with my saliva and pulled on it with my teeth and he squealed with delight. I did the same with the left one, he was moaning, his eyes still closed, one of his hand in my hair. I felt his dick pulse, and I felt ready.
I lowered my mouth to the head and started licking and sucking. I took more of him in my mouth and I was surprised by the softness of his hard member. I was enjoying having him in my mouth, so I took more of him and started slowly bobbing my head up and down, while holding the base, he was so hard, some precum escaped and as I licked it, I loved the taste of it. I was discovering everything and he didn’t move and let me play with him, I think he could feel that I was enjoying it.
He broke the silence though when I took him in my mouth again and engulfed him almost to the base.
"Oh man, I don’t think I’ve ever been this hard,” he moaned.
I could tell he was really trying not to shoot at this point as he had a look of pure concentration on his face. I started sucking him faster, pulling back sometimes to lick the head and to work my tongue under the short foreskin and taking him down to the base again, tightening my lips around his pole. I had never done that before but I found myself knowing exactly what to do and loving it too.
With my left hand, I started playing with his balls, pushing a little on his sphincter, he yelped and moaned, “oh god, I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum so hard!”
I pulled off him and started jerking him faster. He got rigid and I watched as a river of cum escaped the tip of his cock. His body was jerking, his eyes were closed and he was squeezing the sheets in his hands and moaning. I just grinned seeing how lost he was in his own orgasm and quite proud that I was doing this to him.
I came back up and took his chin in my hand. He opened his eyes and placed his hands on each side of my face to kiss me.
"It feels so damn amazing with you, everything does!" he panted.
I smiled and he asked, "did you feel ok doing that?"
"Well, I did it, didn’t I?" I replied, "first time for everything."…. "Look, I don’t know what this all means, but yeah, I liked it … a lot," I admitted.
He grinned at me and in one quick motion, he pushed me on my back and attacked my neck and my smooth chest, he ran his fingers all over my muscles, marveling at my body. His fingers were soon replaced with his lips.
He frantically unzipped my jeans, pushed them and my underwear down, finally letting my cock free, and undressed me completely. He then slowly kissed his way up my left leg to the inside my thigh. He licked and kissed and moved his way up to my balls. He was making me shiver in anticipation and when he licked them and took them in his mouth, I moaned,
"Oh god, that feels so good Rob," His saliva and his tongue felt exquisite.
He came back up to kiss me full on the lips and we kissed hard, exploring each other’s mouth, sucking on each other’s tongues and pulling the other harder against us, moaning and grounding our cocks together, as he was getting hard again. He cupped my ass and I kind of knew he would try to touch me there, I was fearing it a bit, but also wanted him to do it.
He kissed his way down my body again, grabbed onto my pecs or my arms, licked my nipples and finally caressed my abs, and I could feel how much he fancied me, and it was such a turn on. He was worshipping my body.
He lifted my cock and let it slip into his mouth. Like the night before, he swallowed me completely and I got even harder
"Ohhh, you’re so fucking good at this, what you doing to me?"
He went up and chuckled, "just enjoy it!"
He deepthroated me again and kept blowing me like a pro for a while, keeping his mouth tight around my hard member, using his tongue a lot, making me quiver, and I could not stop moaning.
He sucked on the head and I moaned, "ohhhh, fuck!" when he plunged my dick to the back of his throat again. He kept at it for a moment and when he stopped, he had me ready to burst. I tried to hold back as he took my balls in his mouth, licking them. He raised my legs up a little and started paying attention to my ass, as I knew he would. He massaged my cheeks, kissed them and started applying some pressure on my sphincter. I was lost in the sensations he was sending through my body when I heard him ask,
“Do you trust me?”
“Of course,” I answered and I felt one of his fingers caress my crack as he said, “don’t worry, I’m not gonna, I don’t wanna fuck you, just trust me, ok?”
I knew what he had in mind but I was enjoying this so much to stop him and I didn’t really care what he would do as long as it still felt good. And it did. I felt his tongue on my hole, licking me in that very private spot and it felt great, so erotic!
“uhmm, that’s, uhmmmm”
I shivered and moaned again as I felt his tongue starting to push its way into me. He kept licking me, pushing his tongue in and out from time to time, and I enjoyed the feeling and tried not to overthink anything. He had me so turned on that I was breathing hard, moaning often, and wanting more.
He brought a finger to my hole, moved it around a little and pressed it against it as he started playing with my erection again. His finger popped into my ass and I moaned hard when he moved it back and forth a little, still holding my cock in his mouth. It felt so different, so sensitive down there. His finger was driving me crazy and I ached for release when he suddenly found my prostate. I felt myself going over the edge in one second, my body stiffened and I came in his mouth again, quivering as I shot in spurt after spurt, feeling like it would never end.
When it did, Rob released my cock and the last few drops finally dribbled from the end. He kissed it a few times before lying on his back next to me.
“That was just so fucking hot!” he giggled still breathing quite heavily and wiping some of the cum he had on his cheek!
I laughed, “what did you just do to me?"
"That was your prostate, pretty cool hum?!"... "Maybe you were not quite ready for that, but, I couldn't help myself!"
"Are you kidding! I've never come like that, it was amazing!"
"I know, right!" he chuckled.
"You're just doing this to make me wanna do do it again."
"Is it working?" he asked, jokingly.
"So far, you give the best blowjobs I've ever had," I answered in the same tone of voice.
He laughed and turned to me. He placed his hand on the side of my face and said, his lips only millimeters away from mine, "well, so far, you're the best sex I've ever had, you make me feel so good!"
I kissed him and when I pulled back, I just answered, "let's just keep having sex and see where it takes us!" He smiled. "Cause I know I'm gonna want to do that every fucking time we end up alone together."
"Music to my ears", he said seductively.
And then he seemed to realize something. He looked at the clock. "Fuck, we have to meet the guys at Damon's place in half an hour."
"Really? This early?" I had completely forgotten about that.
"Yeah, we said we'd meet at noon to rehearse," he confirmed, "We should get ready".
"Man, it's gonna be tough to concentrate today," I sighed.
"Hey, let's not behave any differently around them!" he said.
"Of course, what d'you think I'm gonna do!" I joked. "Rachel's gonna be there I think."
"I know…"
"Shit, it's too complicated. She's gonna sense something's wrong," I said, a bit worried. I knew her, if she felt I was behaving differently, she was going to notice.
"Just act normal!"
"Easy for you to say! After what just happened, I don't know how I'm gonna act around her," I said worriedly. "You don't mind?"
"No, I told you, I'm not asking you to break up with her, you can't. I've been seeing you with her for two years, I can handle it."
I sort of felt bad hearing him say that.
We got ready and quickly left with our guitars. When we arrived, the guys were already there, and so was Rachel. She came over to me, and gave me a kiss. I just asked her how she was doing and we started setting up our instruments to rehearse. I was relieved when she came over to me and told me she was going to go shopping and hang out with her friends In Dublin and that they'd go straight to the club for the gig.
"Alright, have fun, I'll see you tonight," I said giving her a kiss.
She smiled at me brightly. "It's gonna be so awesome!"
We rehearsed and hung out all afternoon and left for Dublin to set up our equipments in the club before it opened to the public.
Little did we know that this performance would be the starting point of our career.
When we started playing, we were greeted by a crowd that already knew us and that knew the lyrics to our songs. We knew we were starting to have a larger following thanks to the Internet, we knew we generated an online activity, but we hadn’t expected this. We played a few covers nonetheless, but we played more of our own songs. We felt more and more ready to play them live. We were starting to find our voice and our sound and we were venturing into the real world.
This gig was our first real breakthrough and it was exhilarating to have the entire crowd sing back to us and be so enthusiastic. This live show was so much better than the ones we had played before because it seemed like the crowd was actually composed of fans and they arrived already knowing the songs and ready to sing them. It was astonishing to us. Rob was having a great time singing, he was enjoying every second of it, we all were having so much fun!
When we began playing a song we had called "Shiver", Rob looked at me and smiled. The five of us had written the lyrics together, but I remembered it was mainly Rob who had written that song. It was supposed to be about a girl. We always tried to write about personal things but with a detached approach, so that it wouldn’t be too awkward or personal for Rob to sing them.
However, I realized as he began singing it, that some of lyrics were actually meant for me, and I had trouble concentrating on playing. I listened as he sang,
So I look in your direction
But you pay me no attention do you
I know you don't listen to me
'Cause you say you see straight through me, don't you?
But on and on, from the moment I wake
'Til the moment I sleep
I'll be there by your side
Just you try and stop me
And from here, I started really listening, I was trying to stay focused, especially when I had to play a riff near the end, but I listened to him intensely, as if I was hearing the lyrics for the first time. He sang it so powerfully, because he knew I could understand his message now, releasing all the frustrations he had to endure, not being able to tell me how he felt. His performance was perfect. It was so revealing.
Yeah I'll always be waiting for you
And it's you I see
But you don't see me
And it's you I hear
So loud and so clear
So I look in your direction
But you pay me no attention
And you know how much I need you
But you never even see me
When the song ended, he saw me looking at him. He came over to me to get ready for the next song, and I faked having something to tell him. He brought his ear to my mouth and I whispered, "I do see you!"
He locked eyes with me for a second and smiled. I think that’s when I knew. That’s when I knew I was in love with him.
-------
Thank you for reading.
