I am lying in bed with my eyes closed, I was sleeping, have this overwhelming sensation that I'm being watched. My skin crawls, I’m uneasy and scared. I'm too afraid to look, I don't want to, if I do look there might be someone there. I’m so afraid to open my eyes, ‘Please don't be there.” I say to myself. I yield and finally have to check, he's there, standing over me, his blue eyes stare, emotionless, cold like ice. My body is heavy like I've been drugged. I can't move, my voice hoarse, I can't cry out, my arms and legs unable to react. I'm trapped inside my own body. I start to fall in and out of consciousness. I have no idea how he drugged me but I'm helpless. I'm fighting to stay awake maybe if I stay awake he will give up and go away.
I fight against the dead weight of my body, trying to get myself to move. I must have passed out. I wake to hands against my skin. They're cold, I try to move away from his touch but I can't. ‘Oh god, please no!’ I cry out inside my head. My lips move, just barely, but there's no sound. His hand cups my breast, I can feel his hand start to warm up with the contact with my skin. His hands slide over my skin, over my breast. First one then the other. He's talking his time. He's confident I won't be able to do anything for a while. I feel him roll my nipple between his fingers. His mouth take my nipple between is lips, he moves his tongue around the areola. He holds my nipple between his teeth flicking the tip with his tongue. I lose consciousness again. I'm not sure how much time passed but I no longer feel his hands against me. Has he gone?
I fight to open my eyes again, my vision is blurry I can barely make out anything. For a moment I thought he really was gone, that's when he pulls my panties off. I manage a barely audible, "No" but it had no effect. He drops my legs back against the bed. His hands run over my skin, taking in my thighs, they make their way up to between my legs feeling my reluctant warmth. Somehow I find the willpower to get my body to finally move. I scream as I grab his hand, stopping it just short of entering me. I'm still heavily drugged but manage to yell at him to get the fuck out.
He's absolutely surprised, "What the fuck?" I manage to sit up, he's in total shock, I shouldn't be conscious let alone moving. He backs up and goes to leave. I start to feel the effects of the drug again.
The reality that I haven’t had sex in close to two years starts to set in. "Fuck me." I say.
"What?" he turns and looks at me with confusion.
"Fuck me!" I slur, "You came here to fuck me, so fuck me." I don't feel like I'm in control of what I'm saying. At the same time I'm sitting here telling this rapist to come back and fuck me.
I'm trying to will myself, crying out, wanting, begging myself to fight and make him leave. None of those words make it through, just the words telling him to come screw me are making it through. I fall into the bed and pass out again. I wake up to his cock penetrating my pussy. He's thrusting into me. Before he can finish I start to regain control of my body again. I sit up and push him down onto his back, straddle him and start riding him. I can just make out a look of shock and pleasure.
"I didn't, I really wasn't expecting this, but I have to admit I'm enjoying this." he says. I sit deep and ride him hard. It had been so long since I had a man I took full advantage of him. I slide my hips forward and back, my wetness releasing on his abdomen. I moan as I take his hands and hold them against my breasts. I only start to rock my hips faster before he starts to swell up inside me, the warmth of his skin against mine, the wetness that came from me riding him. He's getting close, "Not yet." I tell him. “I want you top again.”
I wrap my legs around him and we roll over. He’s back to being on top. He continues to thrust against me. He doesn't notice or think anything of my hand sliding down the side of my bed. I’m keeping his attention with my hips. My hand finds what I was looking for. I wait, it won't be long now. I feel him grow inside me again, his breath quickens and his body starts to tense up.
"I'm cumming" he says.
"Yes, please" I respond, "I hope you enjoyed this because you'll never do this again.”
"What?" he stops. Confusion took over and for a moment he forgot he was about to cum.
My grip tightens against the object in a pocket of my mattress. I present my defensive cat ear knuckle weapon. I black out. I thought I passed out and missed my opportunity to punish this man for coming into my home, making it no longer feel safe. My bed was supposed to be my safe place, this is no longer true.
I woke up to the feeling of something strange, it was making me chilled, it was wet, it felt almost slimy. It took me a while to get the world to come into focus. My head is pounding and my mouth dry. I reached for my drink next to my bed and something hits it before my hand reached its intended target.
"What the... " Confusion takes over. I lift my hand only to see red. I quickly check my body thinking this was my blood, that I'd hurt myself somehow. Then I remember that man.
‘Wait’ I said to myself, ‘I was just dreaming, I had to be.’ But I hurt, I still feel where the man had sex with me. A man I had never seen before, “What the fuck" I say out loud to myself. Something wasn’t right, I reached up and touched the skin on my face, it felt tight and cracked beneath my finger as I talked to myself. I look down. I gasp, my eyes go wide. I see blood, a lot of blood.
"What the fucking hell!" I shoot up, oh my head. It's still fuzzy, throbbing. "It was just a dream. It was all a dream wasn’t it? What the hell happened?" I look around. On my hand is what's left of my cat ear knuckle weapon. "Note to self, don't buy the plastic one next time."
I see a trail of blood leading out the door. I get up to realize my panties were missing. They weren't on me nor were they on the floor. "Crap, I really liked those panties." My sarcasm was quickly cut off by reality. Oh shit, oh shit, I realized I wasn't dreaming and was drugged, raped, and had attacked someone, someone who really was in my home.
The blood led me down my hallway blood smeared on the walls. I was careful to stay clear of the blood trail, I watched a lot of investigation shows, I knew not to touch anything.
The blood trail led to my front door, which was locked. Holy fuck, I realized, it's locked, the fucking door is locked. The fucking bastard had a fucking key! I checked and my sliding glass door was still locked as well.
I run to my room and grab my phone, I try to dial 9-1-1 but I can't, the phone isn't working, somehow I get someone on the line but they think I'm joking. I sit on my bed freaking out. Should I go to the apartment office and report it? I'm too scared to go outside but I'm not even safe in my home. I try dialing for the police again. Why can’t I get through, why won’t anyone listen?
I hear a noise, it startles me, I jerk awake, someone knocking on my door? A dream, it was only a dream. It felt so real. I check, no blood. I hear the knock again. I slide out of bed, my panties still on but I hurt, I still feel like I had sex. My head hurts but it's clear, for the most part.
The knock comes one more time followed by a voice calling out, "Maintenance".
"Just a moment!" I call back. I had completely forgotten maintenance was going to come by. I check the clock, 7 P.M. kind of late, I thought to myself.
I quickly throw on my robe and hurry to the door. No blood trail, the door is not only locked but the chain is in place. I shrug it off, thank god it was just a dream. ‘Weird though about the man.’ I thought since I had never seen him before. The closer I get to the door the more his image starts to fades from my mind.
I open the door and there he was, standing there, the man from my dream. The man who had a key to my apartment, one of the maintenance guys, one I'd never seen before today, he was new and just started, today was his first day.
I know the rule that you can't dream about someone you've never seen before and until today I would have accepted that as true.
