Amanda curled up again in Douglas's arms. She wanted to push the world away and began to cry once more. He raised her chin, kissed her softly on the lips. "Honey, you, and I both know there is Bryan to consider. You two have five years together and there is something between you, or you would not of been together this long. You need to talk to him, seriously now, you owe him that much."
"You're right! Oh god, how can life be so complicated!" As she methodically went through the motions of getting dressed, she again wondered what in the hell just happened to her. Was the feeling she having just lust of a sex starved homemaker? Or was it love? The more she thought about it, the more she realized that her feelings for him were more then just lust. Lust does not make you want to cuddle and talk for hours on end.
He pulled into the parking area of the mall. She thought the dam would burst and she would float out of the truck on a blanket of tears. However, she had known in her heart that she had to be sensible.
She looked into his eyes, "Hell, why does this have to be goodbye? I know in my heart that we’ll meet again."
He held her close and kissed her hard, then pinched her ass. "That's a big 10-4 doll. I love you!"
She watched his rig drive out of sight. Wishing she was still with him. Then she walked toward the store to look for her sister, who was picking her up. She found her near the vending machines, drinking a soda and reading the newspaper. "Hi Sis, how long have you been sitting here? “
Her sister saw that Amanda was beaming from ear to ear. "Oh not long, did you have a good time honey?"
"I will tell you all about it on the drive home."
As her sister drove to her home, Amanda chattered as if a love struck teen. When she stopped talking and glanced at her sister, she had that, girl you have gone loco look in her eyes.
When they got home, her sister brewed some coffee. Then Amanda began to give her all the juicy details of her sexual encounter with Douglas. She was sure that she loved him.
Her sister looked at her sternly. "Amanda, how can you know that? You've just met the guy. Honey, stop, and think things through will you. You have not even taken the time to get over Bryan. Here you go, plunging off the cliff once more. I think you need to steer completely free of men for at least a month. If this is love, what’s the hurry?"
She thought of her sister’s works all night. Damn-it, has she done it once more? You ran from one crappy situation into the arms of a man, without seeing what lay ahead. You also did not take care of your broken heart. She wondered if it was really lust. “Oh no,” she concluded. No man had ever touched her like that and made a spark go clear to her soul. No--one--it was love!
The next few weeks were hard. She was confused and terribly alone. He was on the road. All she could do was think about him! God, she wanted to hold him close and feel his naked body next to hers. She wanted to feel his lips. Kissing her and going from her sweet lips to her clit, setting every inch of her ablaze with passion. She realized she had to have him in her life, no matter what.
She did not want to talk with Bryan, or see him. Heaven forbid she could not even bring herself to the point of telling his she had found another man. He was due to bring her things down the following weekend. She knew that if she saw him, things might be different.
Hell, he might even sweep her off her feet. Then take her off to the nearest hotel to talk or make love to her all night. It would be nice if he did that. It would mean he had come to his senses. After all, she had over five years invested in their relationship. Something was there, or it would not have gone this far. She sat her feelings about Douglas on the back burner and once again focused on Bryan. She knew that in her own way, she did love Bryan, no matter how scattered brained he was. She just knew this was the last chance to rekindle that love.
All day Friday, she could think of nothing else. She envisioned Bryan grabbing her and kissing her, telling her, he would not let go until they talked privately. Then she went a step further and she saw him loving her like he did the first time they made love. She had herself convinced that this little trip away from him could indeed bring him to his senses.
That Saturday morning, she was up before the alarm went off. By this time, she was a nervous wreck.
She went to talk with her sister. "I can't face Bryan. I cannot stand to be in the same room with him!" Her sister wiped her tears and told her she could not have to see Bryan until they had unloaded all of her stuff. She could sit in her bedroom and try to stay calm.
If anyone knows Amanda, they are aware that when she is upset she is worse then a loose tornado.
When the time was right, her sister came into the room and told her she Bryan was there. He was waiting for her in the den. She would leave the two of them alone so they could talk privately. If Amanda needed her, all she had to do was come and knock on her bedroom door.
The steps Amanda took toward the den felt like a ten-mile walk. When their eyes met, Bryan took her into his arms. "I love you. I hope your visit with your sister is going well and that you have not been in a lot of pain." He proceeded to show her the things he brought down for her. Explaining he forgot to follow the list, but she could make him a new one. He then moved the heavy stuff around, placing them where she wanted them. He then set up her computer.
About that time, her sister knocked on the door. She excused herself, saying that Amanda had a phone call. She asked if she wanted her to take a message. Amanda told her she had better take it, because it might be her son. He was worried about her. She left the den and took the phone call in her sister's bedroom, that way, she could talk freely.
When she answered it, she discovered it was Douglas. He was inquiring if she was ok. She told him, she was all right. Considering the fact her heart had been shattered in a million shards and her marriage was over. She would feel him in on details later on. Right now, she was too upset to think straight. She then went back into the den to see if Bryan needed any more help.
She was hoping he would say, "Let's go someplace private so we can talk things out honey." All he did was tell her he was finished and needed to start the long drive home. He kissed her and told her he would send an email to her when he got home. Nothing more was said. With tears in her eyes, she walked him toward the back door.
Bryan stopped her. "I do not want you to follow me out to my truck. I think it is best we say our good-bye here.” He left closing the door behind him.
She walked back into the den. Then stood in the middle of the room with her fist clenched tightly screaming, "God-damn--it," repeatedly! Her sister rushed into the room, held her close, and told her to stop.
She looked into her sister's eyes. "What in the fuck is wrong with that man? It was as if Bryan did not love me at all. Oh god, how could I have been so stupid and marry him?" It took her sister late into the night, to calm Amanda down. She knew if she did not let her cry, the pain would torment her more and cause more health problems.
Amanda finally wiped the last teardrop from her eyes. "That's it, NO-MAN, is worth two fucking years of tears! I thought he would take me home and make sure we were back on track and never let me go again. My god, he just killed the last sliver of love I have for him. Nothing will make me go back to that town or him at all now. If it's okay with you sis, this is now my home!"
"My home is your home, anytime you need a place to stay. Now just try to rest for now. We can talk about things Monday."
Amanda then attempted to sleep. Tomorrow she would have to rebuild the rest of her life. She knew she could do this. She had been down this road before. She hated that road too, but sometimes life throws us a curve ball. We just need to take careful aim and knock that ball clean out of the ballpark.
The next morning she wrote Douglas an email. She told him she was sure that her feelings for him were love. The sensations were not those of sex-starved wife. She wanted to nurture that love and watch it grow. Then she told him what happened between her and Bryan. Adding there was nothing in her life now that would block her feelings for him. She knew she was once again happy and on the verge of a new romance.
