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Sex games

Double Trouble? - Part III

Author: TallStranger

Date: 1 September 2010

Anal, Fiction, Consensual Sex, Male / Female

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Double Trouble? – Part III


We finally got to Ellen’s around 9:30…Ellen was in her terry cloth gown with a towel wrapped around her wet hair. When I walked in she gave me a smile that lit up the room and walked over to me….pulling me down to her, and gave me a very long tender, loving kiss….not terribly sexual….but most definitely loving and affectionate.

“Good morning Mr. Bear, did you go into hibernation?” “I was beginning to think you had forgotten how to get here.”

“Nope, I was just hard to wake up…and then took my sweet time getting out of bed….messed around the house for a bit, grabbed a shower and here we are!” “I slept like the dead last night and Jennifer said she tried several times to get me awake.” Now I am hungry as a…wait for it…we all said in unison…”Bear”…and then broke up laughing.

Breakfast was great...I learned that Ellen was better than an average cook….and I’m afraid I made a pig of myself. Ellen seemed happy to see me wolf down breakfast, she was unaware of my sudden protein shortage, and Jennifer did a good job of stuffing her face, too.

We sat at the dining table and talked then about 10:30 the phone rang….it was one of Jennifer’s girl friends wanting her to come over to her house for her birthday party. After checking with Ellen, and Ellen checking with the girl’s mother, arrangements were made and Jennifer went to get ready. Boys were going to be there too, so it was an “event” Ellen informed me. When Ellen mentioned boys…I could have sworn I felt a little jealousy. Go figure.

The great news was Ellen and I would have the entire afternoon to just hang out….talk….and do whatever we pleased. We did agree that when Jennifer got home we’d go to my house a cook out on my patio by the pool…maybe even take a swim. Oh….did I mention my hot tub? Yeah…I got one of those, too.

After delivering Jennifer to the party I returned to Ellen’s and found her back in bed with the Sunday paper. So I joined her in the bed…and we read the paper while necking off and on until I lost interest in the sports news and pulling her robe open kissed my way down her body from her lips to her pussy…where I remained for a very very long time….much to Ellen’s delight.

I love eating pussy! Always have and always will. To me eating a pussy is a lot like kissing a more sensitive pair of lips…that guard the entrance to paradise. I love to lick a woman’ outer lips avoiding her clit totally ‘til she begins to moan and her tender folds begin to open like a beautiful flower.
I love the aroma too…and the way the inner labia flush with blood as they grow wetter and wetter….licking and nibbling on them as they get really swollen and sensitive is just delightful…and with the first kiss of a very erect clit….and the sounds a woman makes at that moment…send me into a state of bliss and perfect control. I’m not a tantric….but I do understand the concept…which I kind of fell into on my own.
Inserting fingers or toys is the next course of my perfect dining experience….and then teasing and eventual penetrating the anal opening usually with a well lubricated finger and continuing to feast on her until she explodes and covers my face with her sweet essence. I have no doubt that others are probably better oral loves than me but I will say I doubt anyone enjoys it more than me and I get no complaints!

Ellen, who is tremendously responsive, must have cum four times in the space of half an hour. After her last orgasm she pushed my head away and said “god….no more….I’m exhausted…please…just let me rest for a few minutes.”

I slid up her body and kissed her parted lips softly….”would you like something to drink baby?” I asked….noticing the sheen of sweat over her whole body.

“Pleeeaaassseee” she mewed…some water please.”

I silently slipped out of bed and went to the kitchen for water…walking on slightly weak knees myself….but sporting major wood. Returning to the bedroom and put the glass to her lips and let her drink slowly….”better” I asked?

“Thank you so much Doug you are such a sweet kind man…and I’ve never been made love to by a man like you before.”

I put the glass on the bedside table and snuggled against her….my hand covering her pussy….causing her to grin like a Cheshire cat. “Don’t think I didn’t see that huge erection you’re sporting…and I do plan to do something about that very soon.”

Then we drifted off into a peaceful sleep…

When I awoke I realized that for the second time that day….someone was sucking my cock and massaging my balls…and she was doing a spectacular job…my cock was throbbing so hard I thought it might explode and then I felt a finger pressing against and then slipping into my asshole…..I shook all over and groaned loudly as she began massaging my prostate as she sucked my cock deeper into her throat….

Ohhh fuck Ellen….I’m cummmmmmmming!!!! I grabbed her head and began stabbing my cock into the back of her throat as the cum poured from my cock. Ellen somehow freed her head from my death grip, pulled off my cock looking up at me as I continued to spew unto her face “said “yeah baby cum all over your slut….paint my face…fill my mouth…give me that cuuuuummmmmmm!!!!!”

Then she pounced on my cock again as sucked me ‘til I was drained. I honestly came so much and so hard it hurt. But in a good way….I promise.

In the afterglow….we cuddled peacefully as I tenderly kissed Ellen’s face, and happily licked my cum from her chin, neck, and breasts. Then she crawled on top of me looked into my eyes and said quietly…”so tell me Poppa Bear…who is the best cock sucker in this family…me of Jennifer?”

After my heart started beating again I tried to stammer out a response but as I was about to tell Ellen a major lie she put her finger over my lips and simply said “you don’t have to explain, I know what she did and I knew she was going to do it when she left to go to your house.” “ She asked me if she could…and honestly, I really don’t mind that she sucked you awake, I know she wanted it…was ready for it, and that you would not do anything to hurt her.”

I just lay there my head spinning. “Really” I croaked?

“Yes, really” Ellen said, “which brings up a conversation that we need to have…and it might as well be now.” But since we’re all sweaty and sticky…and you are probably in need of some mental recovery time…let’s get in the shower and get cleaned up.”

With that she took me by the hand and led me to the bathroom….turned on the shower and pulled me in with her. I looked at her beautiful blue eyes and just kissed her lovingly.

After the shower she presented me with my very own matching terry cloth robe and we returned to bed to work our way through the issues at hand.

“Ellen fixed me with her gaze and said “First, you should know that my family had an ongoing incestuous sexual relationship for many years.” “My father introduced me to sex starting when I was 12….and my mother became involved soon thereafter, as did my brother.”

I started to say something, probably totally stupid, but Ellen put her finger across my lips and told me to just listen.

“I no long have sex with my parents or my brother….but I did up until the time I got married, at which time my parents pretty much disowned me.” “They still love me and I still love them, but other than giving me a job…and some money occasionally for Jennifer I was cut off entirely.” “You see they sensed what an asshole I was marrying and forbid me to do it.” “I thought they were just jealous and wanted to keep me in the family…so I defied them, got married at 19 and had Jennifer 10 months later.”

I pulled a major fuck up! The only good thing that came from my marriage is Jennifer, and before you ask, yes, we are sexually active together also. She is just beginning to explore her sexuality but she is mostly interested in men….and you are tops on her list!

Again I tried to speak but Ellen quieted me with a look.

I don’t want you to feel sorry for me…I loved the sexuality of my family and really missed it a lot. In some ways I still do. You see, making love with a parent or sibling that you truly have a special bond with is the most natural thing in the world. I want it to be that way for Jennifer too. I was planning on asking my father to be her teacher…I know he would love to be the one…but Jennifer has picked you.
Ellen looked at me, smiled and said “I’m really okay with you making love to my little girl….when you think she is ready.”

“Okay, that’s it for now; you know where the door is if you want to run away, but I hope you’ll try to understand.” “But stay or go…whatever you decide…please, please don’t ever tell anyone about my family, it would ruin us.” “You are the only person, other than Jennifer, that I’ve ever told. I didn’t even tell my ex husband….and thanks to god for that!”

Ellen dropped her chin to her chest and waited….not making a sound.

I sat there for what seemed like a long time…my head spinning and in a state of total emotional turmoil. I was simply blown away…stunned beyond words….but underneath it all there was one thing I felt sure about…so I extended my hand….lifted Ellen’s chin up…leaned over and kissed her on the lips softly and said “Ellen, I am nowhere near having my head wrapped around this…but I’ll get there….’cause I want to.” “Also, I’m not the smartest guy in the world, but I don’t run from things just because I don’t completely understand them.” “Baby…I’m not planning on going anywhere!”

She almost choked on her sobs… and her tears fell like rain….she grabbed me and pulled me to her….”Doug…thank you for trying to understand….I need you to be here…I need to be with you and I think in your heart you know that.” I know this is a lot to put on you….but I feel that you will be okay with us in time.” “At least, please try.”

“I do baby….but before we say “forever” you need to hear my story too…and I want to hear the rest of yours. I know you are a submissive personality and you should know I can be very dominant at times.”
Ellen smiled at me and said…”I know that, and when you took me in the kitchen...so forcefully and hard I knew for sure I belong with you, wherever that leads.”

We came together kissing and caressing….and we made love….for a long time….it was incredible.

A little later we were awakened by the slamming of the front door and the sound of rapid footfalls as the human cannonball (aka Jennifer) launched herself through the doorway and into the bed….scaring the crap out of two naked groggy people!

“Mom…mom…guess what…I met the cutest boy at the party and he wants to go out!” “Isn’t that the coolest?” “Ewwww you two are naked….and smelly and stuff!” Then she threw her arms around my neck and hugged me like mad….”Daddy it’s just a boy….not a man like you…don’t worry you still my true love!” Then she kissed me…climbed on my chest and rode me into the mattress.

I turned to Ellen while Jennifer kissed me all over my face…”does she get like this very often?”
Ellen grabbed Jennifer by the shoulders and barked…”okay hot shot how many pieces of birthday cake and how much ice cream did you eat over there?”

“Uhhhh… I don’t remember exactly….two pieces….maybe three….and then there were brownies too…I ate a lot of them….”

Ellen looked at me and said “Well Daddy…your little girl has ODd on sugar….she gets like this when she eats too many sweets. It will pass in an hour or so.”

I laughed and then rained kisses all over Jennifer’s face while she giggled like mad and tried to avoid my sloppy wet kisses… god she was such a kid in so many ways. All of a sudden she stopped perfectly still….sat up strait with her panty clad pussy firmly planted on my naked cock….looked at Ellen….then me….and then back to Ellen.

“Mom…did you guys have “the talk”?”

Ellen nodded smiling.

“Daddy didn’t run away?”

“Nope” Ellen said…”didn’t even try.”

“Cool….then I can do this,” she said as she ground her little snatch on my now semi hard cock,” any time I want!”….Wow mom this is sooooo cool….and I love you both madly!

Then she launched herself onto to Ellen kissing her mother’s lips passionately.

“Okay you two….cool it!” I said grinning ear to ear. “God…. saying that was such fun! And then I smacked Jennifer on the ass!” “Now that we have things semi sorted out….let’s move to my house, fix dinner when we get hungry and maybe take a swim.”

“Should we bring our bikinis” asked Ellen grinning ear to ear.

“Why” I replied, “I doubt they’d stay on long anyway.” Besides…I’ve got plenty of tee shirts you can wear if you get cold or the police show up.

“Let’s go!”

A few minutes later we were in my back yard….Jennifer was gloriously naked splashing around in the pool, Ellen was snuggled up against my side, and my cock was as hard as Japanese arithmetic. Life was really good….I was grinning like a guy that won the lottery….which in a way I did.

Ellen raised her lips to my ear and asked “what you thinking about big boy?””

The three of us love” I replied…” how this is gonna work out and where I can get cheap Cialis.”

Ellen giggled and said….I was thinking about how it would feel to have your big hard cock in my ass….and how hot it would make me get with you fucking my ass like a bitch in heat. She took my hand and pressed it against her barely covered sex….”see how wet thinking about having your cock in me makes me?”

Then she reached around and began squeezing my stiff cock in my shorts…”I see that idea appeals to you too.” “I told you I wasn’t ready for you the other night….I’m more than ready tonight baby so if you want my ass…it’s yours!”

Fuck! I was so close to cumming again….”how the fuck does she do that to me so easily” I wondered….and then just smiled and sighed…”sounds like the perfect desert to me!”

The three of us continued joking and teasing each other….with Jennifer at one point winding up naked in my lap and me sucking her nipples to her very loud delight….while Ellen watched and smiled at me with a glimmer in her eyes.

All of a sudden Jennifer’s lips were against my ear…..and in her best little girl voice she said “Daddy….make me cum….I want to cum sooo bad….pleeeeaaaasssse” she pleaded…

“Do you care how I make you cum baby girl?” I whispered back.

“No Daddy just make me do it for you…I really want to….

“Okay baby girl….go sit in the lawn chair by your mother…I’ll be right there”

As Jennifer scrambled into the chair and grabbed her mother’s hand…I grabbed a cushion from a nearby chair….tossed it onto the hard concrete in front of her, dropped my shorts allowing my swollen cock to spring free….and sank to my knees..Lifting her legs up onto my shoulders….

“Daddy thinks it’s time you learned about receiving oral sex…from a man that loves to eat pussy.” I locked eyes with her as I lowered my mouth to her ripe little peach…and began slowly giving her my patented pussy eating experience.

Ellen leaned over and said….”oh baby….you’re gonna cum like you never have….just relax and let Daddy take you to heaven”….then she leaned over and passionately kissed Jennifer’s parted lips ….

After about five or six minutes of eating her like a starving man she began to wail…softly at first….then the longer I licked, sucked, and tongued fucked her sweet pussy the louder she wailed. Her small body began to buck hard against my face….her cum flooding my mouth. It was at that point that I stuck a second finger in her pussy and began thumbing her clit as her mom sucked and nipped on her nipples. Jennifer was almost screaming as her mother and I took her to the pinnacle and then made her explode like fireworks on July 4th.

As she flailed around wildly and screamed like she was in pain I quickly move my mouth from her sex to her open mouth…partially to stifle her screams….kissing her sloppily as I let her taste her on cum from my lips. She whimpered…shuddered and threw hers arms around my neck….hugging me tightly….she broke our kiss and said “I love you Daddy…I really love you and I always will no matter what!”

I then realized Ellen was on her knees beside me….totally naked too…..gently pushing me back onto the concrete. She quickly took my aching cock in her hand and began stroking it…..she told me “just lay back Daddy….you need to cum too”. Then she did her best to swallow my cock…and showed young Jennifer about the fine art of sucking cock. In just a few minutes I was shooting geysers of cum in the air….some of which Ellen caught in her mouth and on her tits….the rest was licked up greedily from my stomach by Jennifer….who was still glassy eyed and breathing hard….but really wanted to help mommy take care of her Daddy.

That’s the last thing I remember until I woke up to the smell of grilled hot dogs….

“Mom…he’s awake!!!!”

Jennifer came to me…helped me to my feet and led me to the table which was set for dinner…”now just relax Daddy…its almost ready and I’ll bring your plate to you.”

I sat there my head still groggy and realized how much I need food and fluid replenishment…I imagined I had cum at least a half gallon that day….and I wasn’t quite finished yet.

Ellen and Jennifer arrived, naked as the day they were born, plates of hot dogs chips and potato salad in hand. I just sat and stared at the two beauties before me…..how alike they were….and in some ways so different.

Ellen the beautiful mature woman in her prime….breast still full and firm…her rose colored nipples pointed and standing up perkily. At that moment I knew that I wanted her to have my child….hell…maybe two or three.

Jennifer, in contrast was still a child in many ways….but a sexual young lioness in other ways. I did have some guilt about our sexual relationship, but as each day passed I got more comfortable with it. The thought of impregnating her when she was old enough also crossed my mind. My cock started to stiffen yet again…but I was able to push the thought of Jennifer as the young mother of my child out of my mind and my cock returned to normal.

As I ate I realized I had not eaten very much since breakfast….and I was starving! As I got the food into my stomach I begin to feel lots better and gulping down two big glasses of iced sweet tea helped, too.

After dinner we all settled down and watched the light fade from the sky…Jennifer, after a very full day of fun and sexual adventure was fading fast and when she nodded off I picked her up and carried her to my bed….where the day began. It seemed fitting that her day should end here….wrapped in the linens bearing my scent. I kissed her lips softly and said “Good night my precious baby girl.” To my surprise she opened her sleepy eyes, smiled at me and said “nite nite Daddy…I love you…and thank you for the best day of my life.”

I left the room with tears in my eyes.

When I returned to Ellen who was in the hot tub soaking…she looked at me and asked…”what’s wrong Papa Bear?”

“Aww nothin’” I said…”I’m just head over heels in love with a 14 year old girl and I have no idea how that happened.”

I slipped into the tub and Ellen immediately moved to me….”Oh Papa Bear… I think you two are just meant to be….you have something very special with my little girl.”

“I guess…but Ellen…you know I’m also falling deeply in love with you, too….I love both of you…more than I have ever loved anything or anyone.” “It has really fucked my mind up big time, but I love this feeling!”
“I know Doug…and I am sooo happy things are working like they are…I’m almost afraid to go to sleep at night for fear I’ll wake up tomorrow and it will vanish like a dream.” “Please tell me it won’t…please.”
“Not if I have anything to say about it!” I then grabbed her and kissed her hungrily….our hands immediately began stroking and caressing….tongues dancing together alternately battling then caressing as our passion poured forth in abundance….

“Ellen I want my desert….if you’re ready” I said, turning her around until her back was against my chest and she was sitting in my lap….my cock in her ass crack.

She leaned back and whispered…Doug I’ve dreamed about doing this with you…..and I want it soooo bad….but you should know….I’ve never had anyone’s cock in my ass….although my father tried several times. Fingers, vibrators yes….but never a cock….so baby….you’ll take my anal cherry tonight….just be patient with me…okay?”

Baby you know I will be…..trust me and just relax….I have some very good lube….and we’ll go slowly….no rush we have lots of time.

At that point things just seemed to run together….we were kissing, caressing….I had my finger in her pussy….then I bent her over the edge of the tube….and licked her little brown starfish…..rimming her as he legs quivered and she muttered “oh fuck Daddy…..I’m about to cum…..please fuck my ass……put your big hard cock in there…..I want you to have me like that”

Be patient baby…..Daddy will take you when you’re ready….but you can’t cum til I tell you to….understand?” Then I slapped her ass twice with my big hand.

She whimpered and said softly….”yes Daddy….I promise I won’t cum ‘til you tell me….but please hurry…..I am so hot for your hard cock Daddy.”

At that point I pushed my tongue into her ass while I fingered her pussy and rubbed her clit….and her legs began to quiver…so I slapped her ass again…harder this time…”Behave slut!” I growled as I reached for the tube of Astro Glide I stood up behind her and slathered lots of the super slippery goo onto my throbbing cock….coating the bulbous head carefully.

Next I inserted the tip of the tube in her butt and squeezed a generous amount into her anal passage.
Finally I squeezed out more onto her anus and began massaging it in…..then slipping a finger in her ass……it went is easily…..then a second finger as she groaned….but again it went in smoothly….and as I worked her sphincter….stretching it as best I could….I felt her begin to relax…..so I pushed a third finger in…it went in smoothly again and placing my hand on her shoulder I began to finger fuck her tight little poop shoot.

Ellen looked back….eyes glassy, lips parted…little pink tongue licking her lips, she looked at me and whispered “fuck my ass Daddy….I’m ready for you now.”

What was there to do but fuck her ass…..so I guided my super slippery cockhead to her butt….slowly extracted my fingers and pressing the head of my cock against her anal ring….applying steady pressure and then magically…it slipped smoothly into her ass. Ellen moaned from deep down inside her and then pushed her ass back hard on my cock…..forcing two more inches into her rear entrance….
The feeling was exquisite….and I began slowly pumping her ass as I grabbed a hand full of her blond hair and gripped it tightly….making her arch her back and present me a perfect angle of penetration into her bowels. As I began gently fucking her she was panting….sweat popped up on her body but she kept pushing her ass back for more cock….and I kept giving it to her. Soon I was able to take long strokes…..pulling almost out as then sliding all the way into her ass….my balls slapping against her dripping cunt.

I began fucking her harder….still being careful not to hurt her…but wanting her to feel me claiming her ass for my property….I growled at her…..”You like having Daddy’s cock in your ass baby? “Tell Daddy how it feels my little ass whore!” then I slapped her ass and started fucking her hard….pinning her against the side of the hot tub….as she wailed looking over her should….babbling “ooooooh fuck Daddy I love your fat cock in my ass….so fucking big….fuck your slut Daddy…..fill my tight ass with your hot sweet cum!!!”

“Cum for your Daddy slut….cum now” I virtually screamed not caring if anybody heard. Then Ellen was shrieking her release as I pounded her ass getting closer and closer to the edge. At last I could hold back any longer and shoving my meat fully up her butt I flooded her with my cum…..and Jesus….there was lots of it too…..this little slut had me so worked up I blew it all in her ass…..nothing left….drained.

“There my sweet baby…. that’s what it feels like to have Daddy’s cum in your ass and have him ass fuck you like his little slut!”

Ellen’s legs buckled and she collapsed…passed out…and I collapsed on top of her…..moaning as I felt my cum leaking from her ass and running down my nut sack. I don’t know how long I laid on her….but eventually I worked my spent cock out of her gapped open ass….and watched as my cum poured out of it and into the hot tub.

I roused Ellen from her stupor and got her out of the hot tub and into a chair, taking time to wrap her in a heavy towel and kissing her I told her to just relax that I would be right back. I went into the house and ran a tub of warm soapy water in my whirlpool bath tub….I quickly returned to Ellen and picked her up and carried her into the bathroom….where I unwrapped the towel and lowed her into what I hope would be the soothing swirling water.

Ellen look at me out of half hooded eyes…and said “that was wonderful Daddy…..I love being you fuck toy.” I leaned over, kissed her, told her how proud of my baby girl I was, and then grabbing a sponge began washing her body….cleaning her carefully. After her bath I dried her and took her to my bedroom….where I laid her on the opposite side of the bed form Jennifer…and pulled the covers up over her. I kissed her lovingly and told her goodnight….but she had already drifted off to sleep….a faint but contented smile on her lips.

I quietly went back outside….cleaned up a bit….and shut everything down for the night…then I took a hot shower….toweled off and padded down the hallway to my bedroom and my two sleeping beauties. I didn’t set the alarm as none of had anything to do in the morning, insured the drapes were fully closed, and carefully climbed into bed between my two girls.

The last thing I remember was thinking how lucky I was and feeling Ellen moving to me, putting her head on my shoulder and snuggling tight against me.

I don’t think any of us moved at all that night. I know I didn’t.


131382   1 29351   Rating +9.47 [1056] Next part

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Comments 26
  • anonymous+reader
    03.09.2010 22:23
    Why the hell do you put "..." before, during, and after just about every sentence? The over-use completely kills whatever effect you think it has, to the point that it makes no sense. You might as well substitute it with <><><> for all it adds to the literary appeal.

    Answer 0

  • anonymous+reader
    03.09.2010 23:11
    Excellent story - all 3 chapters have been very erotic and sensual. I can see this growing into several chapters. I eagerly anticipate him taking Jennifer's virginity. You are an excellent writer please keep up the outstanding work and continue telling the story. Maybe in the future chapters some young female cousins or girlfriends of Jennifer could be introduced. Only one critique that being the use of ... for dramatic pause. It actually detracts from the flow of the story. perhaps you could just use a comma instead.

    Answer 0

  • TallStranger
    04.09.2010 06:29
    Sorry the use of the Ellipses bothers you and yes I do tend to overuse them in what appears to be an unsucessful attempt to add informality and a more "conversational" style to my writing.

    I'll try to do better in the future. Thanks for your suggestions.

    Answer 0

  • anonymous+reader
    04.09.2010 10:12
    LOVE you dawg...keep em comin..i wanna read more

    Answer 0

  • anonymous+reader
    04.09.2010 15:02
    I don't mind the use of the Ellipses it helps me make the difference between something the people are saying and something they are thinking

    Answer 0

  • anonymous+reader
    04.09.2010 16:04
    excellent story I liked the content of this one better than the others but the writing style of your first two stories was much easier to read and added a smoother flow to them than the writing style from this story did

    Answer 0

  • anonymous+reader
    04.09.2010 16:36
    of course, jennifer has to learn anal as well as vaginal sex!

    Answer 0

  • anonymous+reader
    07.09.2010 14:38
    I have thoroughly enjoyed all three parts. I can hardly wait for part 4!!!

    Answer 0

  • anonymous+reader
    07.09.2010 15:47
    WOW man that was great, I do hope you will have another one ur story line is great :D keep it up

    Answer 0

  • anonymous+reader
    07.09.2010 17:15
    This was an excellent story, just as the other two parts. Keep up the good work! I can hardly wait for part 4!

    Answer 0

  • anonymous+reader
    08.09.2010 08:23
    Sorry to be so general in my criticism but....FUCK YOU ARE DAMN GOOD AT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't really come up with any improvements...your story line has a perfect tempo, these women are incredible, your heartfelt moments are very realistic....amazing story so far. 5/5

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  • anonymous+reader
    08.09.2010 11:03
    Very nice trilogy. Well written and very hot. You have good story telling skills. I am anxiously awaiting the fourth chapter. I liked the set up and it was very believable. One thing that many people do on this and many other sites, is improper punctuation regarding quotes and paragraph breaks. You seemed to have a good grasp on both. Most people don’t know that a quote, is a paragraph all on its own.
    I suggest you proof read your next story several times. I usually proof my stories four or five times and I still screw up and make stupid mistakes.
    Thanks for posting your work.

    I would honor your feedback on my stories. As of today there is only one that has been validated, but several more are waiting validation. Let me know what you think.

    The best way to find my story is to type in the words “dirk kirk” in the bottom row of the search engine and it should be the first story in the list. It is called “Daddy’s Poker night”.

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  • anonymous+reader
    08.09.2010 11:54
    Quote punctuation

    I noticed that one of your readers complained about your use of “quotation” marks. Then you apologized for them. I re-read your story and you do have a few stray marks here and there but I had assumed that it was because you had not proof read your story before posting.

    Perhaps I can help explain the rules regarding “quotes”

    First off a quote is the written record of some speaking. It is to identify the speaker and show that they actually verbalizing a word. Every quote by one person is a paragraph in itself.

    Example: “Hi.”

    That is a complete paragraph and sentence.

    Example: “Hi Mary.” Bill said. “Are you happy?”

    This is also a complete paragraph and two complete sentences. In this paragraph there are two quotes, however they are both by the same person and for the most part as long as the same person keeps talking and is not interrupted by another person or event, then it is all recorded in the same paragraph, as in the example above. However, if

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  • anonymous+reader
    08.09.2010 11:56
    OOPs, ran out of space.

    Perhaps I can help explain the rules regarding “quotes”

    First off a quote is the written record of some speaking. It is to identify the speaker and show that they actually verbalizing a word. Every quote by one person is a paragraph in itself.

    Example: “Hi.”

    That is a complete paragraph and sentence.

    Example: “Hi Mary.” Bill said. “Are you happy?”

    This is also a complete paragraph and two complete sentences. In this paragraph there are two quotes, however they are both by the same person and for the most part as long as the same person keeps talking and is not interrupted by another person or event, then it is all recorded in the same paragraph, as in the example above. However, if two or more people are speaking the “quotation” marks and the paragraphs help separate the individuals and make the conversation clearer.

    Example: “Hi Mary.” Bill said. “Are you happy?”

    “No, I am not Bill.” Mary said, with a pout. “You didn’t kiss me when you l

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  • anonymous+reader
    08.09.2010 11:58
    Example: “Hi Mary.” Bill said. “Are you happy?”

    “No, I am not Bill.” Mary said, with a pout. “You didn’t kiss me when you left for work this morning.”

    “I’m sorry honey. I was in a hurry and it just slipped my mind.”

    “Well, don’t forget next time.”

    If you will notice I did not identify the speakers with their names or their gender in the last two exchanges, yet it is clear who is speaking. This is a simplified explanation of quotes. I suggest to any serious or semi-serious writer, to research the web or library for more accurate information. I still have trouble with where to put some of my punctuation, which mark of punctuation to use in each specific situation and a whole lot of other things regarding putting words on a page, but I learn more each day.

    I hope this helps.

    If you would like to check out my stories my ID is “shefux”. Thanks.

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  • TallStranger
    08.09.2010 13:29
    Okay....you guys did a great job explaning the proper use of quotation marks, and yes, they do give folks problems. Also, you are correct that each line of dialog, spoken by a different speaker, is a seperate paragraph. It is also true that there are one word sentences but they are mostly found in dialog. there are exceptions such as exclamatories.

    The person that was giving me a hard time about punctuation I thought was objecting to my use of the apostrophe. Since I really didn't feel like giviing a lecture of the possessive case and contractions I just apologized for "annoying him" (with proper use of the offending apostrophe) and moved on.

    I am also a VERY poor proofreader...but being blind in one eye his sort of a handicap. ;)

    Thanks for the comments....part IV is coming...but I'm not happy with it yet....not flowing like I want.

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  • anonymous+reader
    08.09.2010 19:35
    nvn vnbmnj hghjhj nbnvbn fgjkjk mnm, hjhjhj bbbbbhjjhb

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  • anonymous+reader
    09.09.2010 00:00
    Sorry to be so general in my criticism but....FUCK

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  • anonymous+reader
    09.09.2010 16:48
    suggest looking for a proofreader at StoriesOnline.ru. They have a bunch of writers that volunteer. You can also post there.

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  • anonymous+reader
    11.09.2010 16:09
    If you like mother and daughter plus a new friend - try "Amanda and her Mom".

    Good series, even if the English profs have a problem.

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  • anonymous+reader
    12.09.2010 23:30
    Ok so this is a sex story website and not a fucking English class if ya don’t like the way people type don’t read it. This story was great. I understood it and got the meaning behind all the errors or whatever ya want to call it. For all u people out there that want something that is from an English major go fuck yourself and quite ruining it for the rest of us.
    The only complaint I got is there aren’t enough of them heh can’t wait for more

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  • anonymous+reader
    23.09.2010 16:58
    The 3rd chapter is living up to my expectations of this story. Again, great plot, story line, and overall writing. Aas others suggest, proofreading and correcting spelling errors would go a long way. Do not rely on spell checkers as they are prone to missing some words. In addition, some words have multiple spellings, but do not fit correctly in the structure due to the actual meaning of the word itself. Also, the separation of wording with ...... is a bit distracting. Certainly it works fairly well during the sex, but as a general rule, I would refrain from using it.

    Again, I love the story and am looking forward to finishing it.

    A good writer always proofreads her/his work, asks others for proofreading, and make corrections where corrections are needed. The author even asked for the criticism to make the story better, so for those of you bitching about those of us who are simply trying to assist him - BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASS.

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  • Justbern
    03.02.2011 22:44
    Bro... Keep writing. You have an awesome Imagination... Dont care about what others say... As long as people can understand ur story, dont mind about changing the language much

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  • anonymous+reader
    16.03.2011 15:42
    SÜPERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

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  • anonymous+reader
    29.05.2011 00:38
    very nice story. i didnt even noticed the mistakes so you should seriously keep writing

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  • Anonymous+reader
    20.12.2014 05:11
    It reminds me of my daughters BF's two friends that came over for a BBQ...well, my daughter and her boy left leaving these two 19 yr. old horny boys.. Let's just say I get some very nice cock a lot now!! I am a dirty cock loving mild slut!!!

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