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tears

Author: ssalo

Date: 9 March 2011

Non-Erotic, Poem

Font:

Картинка к рассказу

This poem was inspired by how I handled becoming epileptic when I was twenty-two. Here's your sex:
I got fucked when epilepsy changed my life.
*****************************************

tears-

the wounds are small
I rationalize

denial is my patch
but the pressure builds

pressure on my heart
pain in my throat

my eyes spring leaks
small drops of relief

*****************************************
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?
You run quick and get the soap and dirty laundry.
**************************************
Hoping against hope that you'll leave me my favorite type of comment I'll reply in advance: Fuck you too.
*****************************************
Has anyone already figured out that unreasonable anger is a common side effect of my latest epilepsy medicine? Very good, I'm impressed.
For the curious, it's called levetiracetam and the prescription did come with counseling so you're a year late if you're here to tell me I need a shrink, I'm already seeing a good one. The fucked up memory, headaches, impaired cognition and language skills are all a bonus. Talking face to face if you didn't know me, you'd think I'm even more stupid than you already do.
*****************************************
TMI? Why didn't you stop reading? lol
*****************************************

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Comments 19

ssalo

09.03.2011 22:49

#

My apologies, I'd delete it if I could.

Answer 0
anonymous reader

09.03.2011 22:50

#

Because we like you and you are a good writer.

Answer 0
anonymous reader

09.03.2011 23:05

#

Its okay you just do the best you can.

I have Depression it hard on me its hard on my family.

The Meds are hard on my hard on.

Depression is a Hell of a misstress, The meds not only affect you life, they will affect your sex life.

It makes the big D a walk in the park.

The med for that also will affect your Sexlife.

I woke up this morning and realized i could not fuck anymore. what the hell am I supposed to do. I've fucking sence 11,amd dry fucking ofor a year before that.

i've fucked every thing from a toilet paper roll to a teddy bear to a Mormon Virgin. I fucked her evan after she got knocked up, by someone else while I was in Vietnam. I fucked her right up till the time her water broke.

So what is Best to do. there are no Die Centers, You just COPE.

Not Endure, Cope. SWo go Cope already.

I am told I am almost 65 a Baby Boomer. That i will be a Burdon on Society.

Fuck You!!!! In your mother fucken ass. I am the Society. The Small Rag, The Pill,

Answer 0
gregoblv

09.03.2011 23:52

#

There is no need to apologize for the way meds make you think, feal or act. I have side effects too and some people think it is funny, stupid or just me.

We come back to your stories because you are a good writer.

Hang in there, buddy. We are here.

Answer 0
Anonymous reader

10.03.2011 00:00

#

Thank you all. I appreciate your encouragement.

Answer 0
anonymous reader

10.03.2011 11:35

#

"What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?
You run quick and get the soap and dirty laundry."

You're a fucking idiot. How can you joke like that if YOU are epileptic? I'm epileptic, and it came into my life at the age of 19. I'm now 22. It changed my life forever and I'm now suffering from chronic anxiety. Hell, on the topic of a porn forum, it made my performance anxiety with women even worse. Well, at least I have my hand and XNXX, right?

Funny enough, I'm now on levetiracetam too. I'm far worse with people lately. I know the side-effects. I know it hasn't "fixed" my seizures as I have focal seizures regularly and I had two tonic-clonics a week ago. On the bright side, they promised me they'd take brain surgery very seriously if the levetiracetam failed to help. It's failed. So I'll either become seizure-free, or maybe the surgery will go very wrong and I'll end up as a vegetable.

I can't even begin to describe the places the postictal state takes me to..

Answer 0
ssalo

10.03.2011 12:47

#

My fellow epileptic: I would be happy to help you in any way I can if you PM me. I have been an epileptic long enough that it's possible that I can offer you some help based on experience and a little understanding. It sounds like you're worse off than I am in some ways. You are right about being an idiot as I'm sure you already know, AED's are hard on our intelligence. I was lucky in that respect, I was literally a genius before I became an epileptic. I can still pass a mensa test and my IQ measured at 137 last summer when I had just been switched from ineffective tegretol with lamotrigenel to levetiracetam.and lamotrigene. It was like I could suddenly think again. I have JME so I don't have the hope and terrifying choice that brain surgery can offer. I just kill brain cells three times a day and am considering a VNS to try to lower the amount of AED's I have to take.

Answer 0
ssalo

10.03.2011 13:03

#

My fellow epileptic: I apologize for upseting you, last night I would have quad voted my rant off of here but I was out of votes for the day at the time. After midnight, the first comments made me change my mind as it appeared that my rant had made a few people feel a little better. You and I aren't the only two people on earth that have serious problems. I recommend posing as a visitor and walking the halls of a hospital until you have walkef by a dying child or cancer patient. It's helps put an end to most pity parties. I'm not even trying to make these comments orderly as 't's not necessary and I'm sure you know what it's like to have a poor memory and try to stay organized. You can understand how hard it was for me to write my Last Chance story. I probably reread it 200 times, even a comprehensive outline can't protect you from not finding contradictions. Unless you're lucky you can understand to lose a large part of your intelligence.

Answer 0
ssalo

10.03.2011 13:19

#

It's obvious that you can understant what it's like to change your plans. I say plans and not dreams because I already had gotten part of the blueprints drawn up for a 53 foot motorsailor/ commercial fishing boat that I was going to buy the hull from Skookum Marine in Port Townsend, WA and finish myself during the thirty days off between thirty days on as a tug boat captain. I was still running motorlife boats in the Coast Guard and had qualified myself to take the test to get get my first mate's license. I had passed my E-5 service wide exam with a score of 99%, #one out of ~250. When I reported to Cape Disappointment (ironic name huh) motorlife boat station in July of 1977, I set a record by getting qualified to run the 44' MLB on search and rescue missions in six weeks. Very few others got qualified in less than six months. My career plan was to have the motor sailor finished by 1990 and raise a family while cruising the world and fishing when I wanted and/or needed to.

Answer 0
ssalo

10.03.2011 13:43

#

When I had my first seizure, it was immediately obvious to me that I could no longer concentrate effectively, (low dose Dialantin.) At that time. the requirements for getting a tug boat officer's licence was siezure free off of medication for four years so it took a few years to comtletely losr hope. At that point, my goal in life became to live a "normal" life and not think of myself as disabled. I've been able to be relatively successful although not having a drivers license a lot of the time has been the the hardest part. I reccomend that you marry a woman with medical problems. The odds of her not leaving you will be much better. I morphed my wife from medical problems to a tragic sexual history and emotional problems for my Last Chance story. Make sure that you get your brain surgery testing done at a hospital that has a very good neuro dept. my.epilepisy.com is a good place to look for advice on that I recommend phillis johnson as a person to talk to via the forum there.

Answer 0
ssalo

10.03.2011 13:59

#

I know a little about performance anxiety, the right woman will understand and if you can treat her right, love her for real, and give her the orgasims (No dick needed) she needs, you will be fine regardless of how bad it is. Some AED's are worse than others. The anxiety is a bitch, logging worked wel when I was younger as it was extremely physical and it's easy to relax when you're exhausted. Oddly enought the danger doesn't cause me much stress, I think maybe because I'd rather be smashed by a log than die from cancer, I'm not really sure. It could just be that life often doesn't always seem all that precious. I know a wife tht needs you is a big help with sucidal urges. I know a little about post ictal. NEVER wait a few hours because it's not convient to take extra meds after a seizure. You'll find it hard to believe how many and long you'll get told your grand mals were. ALWAYS keep your spare/emergency meds with you. If you want to call me an idiot to my face PM me.

Answer 0
ssalo

10.03.2011 14:16

#

I'm 54 years old but I still grunt and swear for a living and not many people consider me a wimp yet. We've got about a dozen trophy's on the wall that my wifw shot I can't, I'm too soft hearted) Every one of them was killed with one shot. She's a little frail and insecure so she answers the door with a 38 in one hand behind her back so the I reccomend that you pay your med. and life insurance first. I need to tell you that about one out of ten counselors and groups are helpful but they're also worth finding. Regarding your not finding my joke funny, I apologize for that, after 15 or twenty years brain surgery hasn't fixxed you or fucked you up worse, you may figure out that laughing about bad things is sometimes possible and much preferable to crying about them. I apologize again for not being more sensitive, if I was a little less doped up I might hav considered how it might upset an inexperienced epileptic. Posting my joke here was inexcusable as you just showed me.

Answer 0
ssalo

10.03.2011 14:36

#

I really wish you'd have left you're comment while signed, I doubt if you'll be checking back and I think I could help you feel a little better. Where you are now is a much worse place than where I am now. If your brain surgery works out, I'd really like to share your victory. In the meantime, I'd really like to try to help you deal with some troubles that I have some experience with. Sorry about the lack of proofreading, this isn't the kind of thing that I'm willing to read if I don't have to and I'm pretty sure you can figure out most of it anyway. Or PM me. I can't telly you how much I want to someday find out that you're doing better. I'm crying now it thats a hint. the first years were the worst years, My first wife leaving didn't help. My second wife was my "Last Chance" Ii's still rocky but we'ver managed for 18 years now. Learn more than your doc knows about your case, make notes before and during appointment, fire docs until you find a smart one that you can trust.

Answer 0
ssalo

10.03.2011 15:01

#

I just lost what was my last comment: "YOUR COMMENT CONTAINS BAD WORDS" I never thought that would be a problem here. lol

Always be straight with your doc, if they don't know exactly what's going on, they can't help. If your doc doesn't trust you, you need a new doc. Always take notes to and during your appointments. PM me if there's any chance I can help.

For all the readers that are worse off than I am, I hope you get better or your suffering ends soon.

Sincerely;
Steve

Answer 0
ssalo

10.03.2011 15:07

#

PS- Use a pill dispenser, an alarm watch, and an alarm phone. Take care of your health every way you can, a lot of different things can make seizures happen more often and be worse. I hope I'm done now. I'm sure you do to.

Good luck;
Steve

Answer 0
anonymous reader

10.03.2011 18:52

#

"What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?
You run quick and get the soap and dirty laundry."

You're a fucking idiot. How can you joke like that if YOU are epileptic? I'm epileptic, and it came into my life at the age of 19. I'm now 22. It changed my life forever and I'm now suffering from chronic anxiety. Hell, on the topic of a porn forum, it made my performance anxiety with women even worse. Well, at least I have my hand and XNXX, right?

Funny enough, I'm now on levetiracetam too. I'm far worse with people lately. I know the side-effects. I know it hasn't "fixed" my seizures as I have focal seizures regularly and I had two tonic-clonics a week ago. On the bright side, they promised me they'd take brain surgery very seriously if the levetiracetam failed to help. It's failed. So I'll either become seizure-free, or maybe the surgery will go very wrong and I'll end up as a vegetable.

I can't even begin to describe the places the postictal state takes me to..

Answer 0
anonymous reader

10.03.2011 18:55

#

Ignore the below comment. I refreshed the page when returning to my computer some time later and it posted the same comment. I will register and send a proper response to you later.

Answer 0
ssalo

11.03.2011 23:17

#

AR 18:55:56- Sounds good, I look forward to trying to be a help.

Answer 0
anonymous reader

23.10.2013 20:53

#

o6IEkI I really liked your post.

Answer 0

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