When I was younger I used to have low self-esteem. I was a little over weight; not alot, maybe 10-15lbs more than I should be. I used to think no one would ever want to date me, that's why I loved attention whenever I got it. I eventually met this older boy and we started dating. I had long brown hair (that fell down to my butt), beautiful brown eyes, and tanish skin (cause I was Native American and Hispanic). I was 12 years old at the time. Steve (my older boyfriend) had short dirty blonde hair, brown eyes, he was taller than me, and he was on the heavy side. He was 16 years old at the time.
I wasn't experience with having a boyfriend or with anything sexual. But I knew that guys liked sex, especially older guys. We dated for a little while, before he started pressuring me to have sex with him. I always loved laying with him, cuddling, and laying on him ( when he's on the couch). I actually never thought much about sex, I mean I'm only 12. I'd let him finger me before, which I thought was good enough. I mean I was letting him do something that he wanted to do. Cause it wasn't like I wanted it, it was just really uncomfortable and it hurt. That and we would make out all the time. I even let touch my body any where and any way that he wanted to. But he wanted more. He kept dropping hints like saying: he had a boner, or saying if I loved him that I would have sex with him (I was such a virgin at the time that I didn't even know what a boner was. He explained a boner was when a guy was horny that his dick got big and hard).
He was my first boyfriend and I was so in love with him. I knew if I didn't please him that he would eventually break up with me. I didn't want to lose him, so I decided I would have sex with him. We waited till my parents went out and then he came over. I told him that I would have sex with him, but that I wasn't ready to give him a blow job yet ( I was 12 and I still thought dicks were nasty, I didn't want it in my mouth). So after we got undressed he fingered me, making me wet and ready. While he was doing that he grabbed my hand and wrapped my hand on his dick. He told me to rub it up and down, and I did as I was told. Gripping his dick hard as i could (that didn't hurt him, but gave him pleasure) and started rubbing it up and down, up and down.
He was hard by now and he told me to lay back. I did as I was told and he got in between my legs. He started to lick me down there, trying to get me wet enough to slide in. I'm not sure if he did it wrong or if it was just nerves, but I didn't like it at all. It didn't feel extremely pleasurable as I hear it's supposed to feel like. When i was all wet and he was ready, he pulled me closer to him. At first he couldn't push in, because I was so tight. He kept pushing harder and eventually got in. At first it didn't hurt, but as he pushed in deeper I started to feel pain. When he was in and positioned like he wanted to be, he started going faster, going in and out. I was uncomfortable and hurting, wishing it would be over soon. I know he wasnt purposely trying to hurt me, cause he kept asking if he was hurting me. I just put a smile on my face and told him no. I knew it wouldnt end until he was finished, so I decided to move my body with his, following his lead. I'm glad that I did, because it didn't hurt as much. He was really liking it too because he started moaning. Every now and then he would slow down/ or stop, to play with my boobs. He took turns either: rubbing them, licking them, or sucking on them. I actually kind of liked that, for some reason my boobs loved the attention they got. It didn't last long and eventually he told me to move. I did and he came on my bed. He cleaned up his mess and left right afterwards. I went to the bathroom because I had to pee. But when I wiped I saw blood. I didn't know what to think, I didn't know anything about sex (I was so inexperienced and at the time i didn't know that you bleed when your cherry is popped). I couldn't talk to my mom about it, cause she would be angry/disappointed with me. And I couldn't talk to Steve, cause I was too embarrass to admit I didn't know why I was bleeding. I thought that he must of did something wrong and hurt me because I was hurting and bleeding (and I know it wasn't my period, because I already had it that month). I just finished up, went to my room and cried myself to sleep.
My first time sucked: I was nervous, I hurt, I was scared, and I didn't even get an orgasm. But I knew that wasnt going to be the last time I had sex. So I would have other times to improve and not only give pleasure, but also get pleasure. The boy I lost it to was just so sweet. He kept telling me I was beautiful, even when I thought I was ugly. My first time wasn't at all what I expected/ or wanted it to be like. But it was with an amazing boy and that just made it all so much better. Cause we were in love. I wanted to wait till marriage, but he promised we would get married someday. And I believed him. So it's like the samething right?
**once again sorry if my writing/grammar sucks. And I'm sorry if it wasn't that good, I didnt write to entertain. I wrote to tell the story of how I lost my virginity.
