There is a common saying which most people nowadays have heard once or twice, “It’s quiet. Too quiet.”
Without a doubt, today painted the portrait that captivated the saying in all aspects. Funerals were normally quiet, but it is definitely another story when it’s the funeral of a family member. There are always people asking the family who suffered the loss how they are or how they are holding up. They offer condolences and ask if there is anything that they can do to help. However, when you are the one being talked to, you kind of shut off the conversation module in your brain and you don’t really pay much attention. It isn’t that you won’t pay attention really, but you physically cannot keep your head concentrated on your surroundings.
There were several people who came up to me and my daughter Kerry with the intentions to fit the norm of any funeral setting. We kept our manners and thanked everybody for coming and for their respects. But, both of us were lost in our thoughts, which were still trying to accept the fact that this was really happening. It had been only 6 days since my wife Sarah was killed by a drunk driver when she was on her way back from the grocery store. I had received the call from the police while I was at work. I am a mechanical engineer for a company which manufactured engines for commercial vehicles. I had only been at work for half a day when I received the news that the woman I loved for the past 15 years was gone from my life.
Kerry, on the other hand, was at school when the principal came into her 4th grade class and took her aside. He had led her down to his office where there was a police officer waiting for her, telling her that I would be coming down to pick her up from school early. He didn’t have the heart to tell a nervous little girl that her mother, who loved her more than anything in the world, was gone. Kerry was an adorable little girl. Short brown hair, long enough still to pull into a small ponytail, big blue eyes with cute light freckles right below them, and a smile, which although had a couple crooked teeth, could warm your heart with ease. There was not a smile on her face on that day, however.
I arrived at her school and Kerry immediately knew something was wrong, because I didn’t greet her with a smile and a big bear hug. I loved my daughter more than air and I never hesitated to tell her every chance I got. Sarah did the same. We both came from broken homes, with my father being an drunk and my mother being completely out of the picture, and Sarah’s parents being neglectful and abusive people who both used cocaine. I had met her when I was 16, two years her senior. I was a football player for our high school and she was the stunning freshman that everybody wanted. Despite coming from a rough home-life, she was naturally pretty. We eventually became high school sweethearts after I sat next to her in the cafeteria and had chatted her up until the bell rang. The years went by, and I went off to college, with a generous scholarship I had earned from my participation in the honors programs and classes. We never made love in fear that her parents or my father would find out. Not until her 18th birthday, at least, when she moved into my apartment with me.
As fate would have it, Sarah was pregnant soon after. Luckily, it was at the end of her senior year so she was able to finish high school before all the doctor appointments and everything came along. The university paid for my on-campus apartment, and in addition to my studies, I found work in the lower sector of the company I currently work for. They offered a decent hourly rate so I was able to take care of the medical expenses for her, with her help of course from the waitressing job she obtained soon after graduating. 9 months later, Kerry was born.
The minute Kerry was born, I fell in love all over again. My precious baby girl was here, and when she looked up at me for the first time with those beautiful sapphire eyes, I knew that I would love her for eternity. Sarah and I vowed to give her a life of love and nurturing so she would never have to grow up in families like ours. She would feel cared for her entire life. We married soon after I finished school, having put away money for a wedding. The love between Sarah and I had not once faltered or wavered; we knew that we were destined to be together forever.
Forever, as it turns out, was only about 10 years after Kerry was born. Here we were at Sarah’s funeral, both remembering the woman who made our lives so happy. I turned and looked down to Kerry, who was sitting next to me, crying softly. I reached my hand out and gently clasped it with her. Kerry looked up at me, her eyes shining through her tears, and laid her head on me, reaching up to hold my arm. It was just her and I now.
After the guests had left the house, and things grew even quieter than before, Kerry and I began to clean up. We had barely said a word to each other the entire day, both of us knowing that nothing could really be said. I found her in the kitchen putting cups into the trashcan.
“Kerry, I’ve been thinking.” I said softly, breaking the silence. “I think we should maybe move to some place new.”
“Really Daddy?” she replied. “Why?”
I walked over to her and knelt down, resting my hands on her shoulders. I had to look at her face to face so she could get what I was trying to say in full effect.
“Everything here reminds me of Mommy. The past few days have been especially painful because I keep seeing things that make me believe that she is still here. Do you understand?”
“I keep seeing her everywhere too Daddy!” Kerry sniffled, beginning to cry again. She threw her arms around me in a tight embrace. “I can’t even brush my teeth without seeing her face! I- I miss her so much!”
Tears began to fill my eyes as I held her tight. “I know baby, I do too. It is just too hard here. But we have each other right?”
“We do…and I love you so much Daddy. You’re always there when I need you and are always so nice to me.” Kerry wiped the tears from her face. “Where do you want to go?”
“I was thinking maybe somewhere with lots of sunshine. I think we need that. What do you think?”
Kerry looked at me and said, “Like California?”
I smiled at her. Ever since we took her on a family trip to Disneyworld a few years ago, Kerry had always been asking Sarah and I to take her back there. She loved the warm weather, the beach, and never hesitated to ask when we could go back.
“That sounds like a plan, angel.” I said, as I looked at her in the eyes. I was happy I could talk to her about something as big and serious as this. She was becoming a young lady already. Kerry smiled at me with her crooked smile and hugged me again.
"I love you Daddy.” She whispered to me. “You’ll always be my hero.”
