This is my first story that I have written. I would really appreciate any constructive advice that can be had. This story is meant to be a longer one and will be broken into several parts. Part two will be put up at the same time as this one, I felt that the end of this section was just a good spot to break it up a bit.
My name is Cody. This is the story of self discovery and the passion that can be had between two boys. It is the story of my young life twenty years ago when I was twelve years old. I was an average boy, there was nothing spectacular about the way I looked. I had short dirty blond hair, green eyes and lightly tan skin. There was a boy who brought me out of my shell and allowed me to explore who I truly was and who I am today.
May, 1990
When you have a secret like the one I have you feel very different. None of the other boys that I knew were like me. My secret, I like other boys. It is hard for a twelve year old to understand feelings like that. I have always had thoughts about other boys but I knew it wasn't normal and wasn't sure how to handle it.
My feelings have turned me into a bit of a loner at school. I have had a hard time trying to make friends because of the fear that I have always had of somebody finding out my secret. As I sat in the back of class I would always try to sneak a peek at my crush, Adam. Adam had short brown hair eyes of dark blue and skin of light brown. His smile was made the rest of the world seem as unimportant as a piece of balled up paper in the street. Of course, I could never tell him how I felt. The shame that I thought would surely follow my secret coming out into the open was an almost unbearable thought. My only happiness came from the fact that we happened to share the same schedule every day. I could at least say that he knew I was though, in fact he had even extended his hand in friendship once but I wasn't sure how to react so he eventually gave up.
As the day at school progressed it came for my favorite class, gym. It was my favorite not because I was athletic, but because it allowed me one small glance at Adam with almost no clothes. As we would change I always made sure I was in view to see the bulge in Adam's underwear. It looked to me as thought he had a rather large dick for his age, I knew mine sure wasn't that large.
On my way home that day I thought of all the meaningless homework that I had to do. It was late May and my history teacher still insisted on assigning long essays and reports. To help take my mind off of my misery I decided to take a route through a small wooded area near where I lived. The leaves rustled softly as I walked through the quiet woods. It really helped to calm my nerves in a way that is hard to explain.
As I neared the small creek that runs through the woods I heard somebody. It was a sound of quiet crying. As I moved as quietly toward the sound, I saw him. Adam was sitting on a large grey rock at the edge of the stream crying. I took a minute trying to decide what to do. I was afraid that if he saw me that he would accuse me of spying on him and I didn't want that at all. I decided I would see if there was anything I could do. I slowly moved out from the bush behind which I was crouched and started to speak.
"Adam." I said in almost a whisper.
He turned quickly turned toward me and as he tried to hide his tears yelled "Who the hell are you, what are you doing here?"
"It's Cody, from school. Are you okay?"
"Of course I am, what would make you think that I wasn't"
"I thought I heard you cry..."
"I wasn't crying, I'm fine just... just leave already."
I wasn't sure if there was anything that I could say that would convince me to stay and thought of leaving. I knew I couldn't though. Because as shy as I was at school I still cared a lot about other people, especially him. I decided that I would stick around no matter what until I had found out was wrong.
"I can't leave."
"Why not?"
“I know you were crying. I want to know why so I can try and help."
"I told you I wasn't crying!"
As he yelled he quickly got up from the rock and started toward me with anger.
"I know you were and I want to help."
As I finished speaking I could see his hand clench into a fist. Then almost as if it were in slow motion I saw him draw back and take aim at my stomach. I tried to move away but it was already too late. I felt the pain from the blow as I doubled over and fell to my knees in the soft dirt.
I stayed like that for a moment then sat flat on the ground. I watched as Adam stood there and watched me. I was afraid that he might try to do something else to me but I did nothing. Then suddenly I saw his tensed shoulders relax and he slowly bent down to me. He then dropped to his knees and looked at me. As he did this I could see his face turn from one of anger to that of frustration and sadness.
As he started to softly cry he spoke to me very quietly.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have hit you."
"I'll be okay, I didn't mean to make you angry. I just wanted to help."
"There is nothing that you can do to help. It is my problem and I don't want to tell what it is."
"I can't help you if you aren't willing to let me in at least a little bit. Besides I am not going anywhere until you tell me."
He got up from his knees and as he stood over me in a state of downheartedness "Let me think was all he said. He then turned from me and returned to sit on the rock he had been perched on before. I waited for a minute but he said nothing and did not move at all. I got up and started slowly walking to the rock. When I reached the place he was sitting I sat closely to him. As I did this he looked at me with teary eyes and softly said "I think I'm gay."
Continued in part 2.
