Maeghan Wrist
----- 5 --
My subconscious had never engineered a wiser decision in my life than to set it up so I would cry myself into nothingness. I slept for twelve hours and never wanted to wake up again.
I woke at dinner time. Mom though hadn’t started it yet as she wanted to at least wait until I was awake first. What I’m sure would have been a great reunion feast at some delicious buffet restaurant was now a private night in with a modest home cooked dinner.
Walking in the kitchen to see what was going on in the rest of the house, I just retreated back to my room and laid lifelessly on my bed as the smell of food starting to cook began filling the atmosphere. What wasn’t long enough later, mom came through my door to tell me dinner was ready.
Everything was dull to me. It barely felt as if I was in my own body. Still in my nightgown, I moped into the dining area and sat down at the table. The food was bland, the air was stiff. My whole body felt greasy with my hair strewn about and silence was all around me. Nobody spoke.
I finished my plate and wasn’t hungry anymore. I set the fork down and just waited for something.
“Well mom, can I talk about the topic at hand now,” Ean said fiercely.
“Ean,” mom snarled at him.
“I’m taking the rest of the year off and next year I’m transferring to the community college here. I’m going to take care of Maeghan and be here to raise my own child. I’ll never leave her.”
Though his words were so incredibly fantastic to my ears, they were still filtered through the impossibly thick screen that was me being pregnant. All I could do was smile slightly and push out my chair to bring my dishes to the sink. Walking back from the sink toward my room, mom spoke.
“Maeghan, I think it’s only appropriate that a girl should be able to sleep with the father of her child any night she wishes, no matter what her mother thinks about it.”
I turned around with a faint yet slightly bigger smile on my face.
“But under her mother’s roof, it’s only appropriate that she wear some clothing to bed.”
I retreated my slightly grinning face back away from her and headed to my room. I laid back down on my bed and just thought. That was what I did best. I hated being depressed because that meant I was only making my family depressed. I tried everything to make myself happier but it barely worked. The only thing I had going for me was when somehow, my mind became derailed and I grew lost in random thoughts before Ean wondered into my room and I realized it was bedtime.
He walked to the side of my bed and leaned over. Scooting his arms under me, he rolled me toward him and lifted my body up.
“You’re sleeping with me tonight,” he said in a straining voice under my weight. Walking past mom as she headed up back to her room, we curved into his doorway where he carried and set me onto his bed. Pulling the covers over my body, he went to turn out the light and close the door.
Just before the door shut, mom pushed it back ajar and let out a single laugh in Ean’s face.
“I’m not that nice,” she scoffed.
“It’s not like she can get pregnant again.”
“Ean!” her voice sparked.
“Not tonight of course, but still, I like my privacy.”
“If you can’t do it while I’m watching, then you probably shouldn’t be doing it in the first place.”
“Fine then, be a voyeur,” he finish turning away and walking to the bed.
“Don’t forget you have two other beds to sleep in at any time honey,” mom said to me through the doorway.
“I know,” I said uncomfortably.
Living a life in the shadows made it so much worse when I became the center of attention. I didn’t even want to think about school.
Ean climbed in next to me and quickly embraced me into his arms.
“I would have never imagined in all my life that my little sister would be the girl to fulfill every last one of my sexual desires.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Having sex with a pregnant girl was about the only thing I hadn’t checked off my list so far.”
“Let me guess,” I surprisingly joked, “rape and being caught by the girl’s mom was fulfilled yesterday morning.”
“Well, they’re certainly on my list now and have been already checked.” He rubbed his hand over my belly. “Don’t think that I’ll be turned off by a bulging tummy either. That’s only more of you that I’m going to take pleasure in satisfying. I can’t wait to molest your body so much when you seven, eight months pregnant. I could start test driving your breasts for milk.”
In all his words, I could very well gather that pretty much no matter what happened to my body, my big brother would always be there to stick his penis in me. And for some strange reason, I liked that idea very much.
As Ean became sleepier and sleepier, he tried kissing me more and more. Eventually though, he fell asleep as my tongue played with his. I wasn’t as tired so I kept on playing with it. Slowly, I moved to his lips and then outside of those.
I pushed him over and climbed on top of him. I started kissing and licking his entire face. I wanted to take him all in; I loved him so much. The more I did it, the more I wanted to go on. It was incredibly funny and amazingly pleasurable to feel his unconscious face being coated in my saliva. Kisses and licks.
I pressed my lips around pieces of his skin and pulled back until I lost grip. Then I licked his mouth, below his eye. I kissed his cheek, then his chin, and his forehead. Over and over I continued as I grew more and more tired. I loved him so much.
My kisses began dying down as my muscles started relaxing. I was making out with his cheek. My make out session became small soft licks which eventually grew into me just drooling onto him. Soon enough, I was fast asleep straddling him and coating half his face with my spit.
I woke up on my own in the morning. Ean was out cold. Both out faces were looking in the same direction, both our jaws were open and drooling. Unlucky for Ean though, I was on top so my slobber was dripping into his mouth.
Wiping my lips up his dry cheek, I pushed my body off of him. Crawling from the bed, I headed to my room to gather my clothes and take a shower. I took a long, hot, and very relaxing shower, washing away all that nasty grease my body had built up over two days. Coming from the bathroom I met Ean’s miserable looking expression.
“What did you do to my face while I was asleep,” he moaned as if in agony.
“I licked it,” I smiled, walking past him into my room.
“What?” he responded in confused disbelief. At that, I shut my bedroom door.
It turned out that they weren’t really expecting me to go to school that day but I decided to anyways as I figured sitting around the house all day would be boring. I also figured Ean could use a little more time alone with the mother of the fourteen year old girl he impregnated.
I was silent in thought through most of school, just observing everyone around me. Taking in as much details as I could on how all the students treated each other based on physical appearance or their group status. I didn’t think Montana and I had a very high status as a group. We both may have looked good, but kids weren’t necessarily that shallow. We were only outcasts based on our outstanding introverted weirdness.
Montana peered at me strangely as I sat down to the lunch table.
“What’s wrong?” she asked. Hearing that so familiar voice with what wouldn’t leave my mind drove to the surface what she said to me not a month prior. To my own surprise, I accidently repeated it.
“Lots of girls have sex. But how many do you see that are pregnant?”
That one line that she just had to have said to me in order to persuade me to have unsafe sex with Ean. I didn’t really understand myself why I was doing what I was getting ready to do. I wanted it but I knew I’d end up regretting it.
“What?” she asked.
“How many girls here are pregnant?” I asked her. She looked around.
“None,” she responded a bit hesitantly.
“You said lots of girls have sex,” I couldn’t keep the tear from dripping out of my eye.
“Umm…” Montana’s face was becoming increasingly uneasy.
“One girl, out of the loads of these, and it’s me.”
Montana was speechless.
As so incredibly selfish as it was, that’s all I wanted from her. I left it at that and ate silently with her. She didn’t say anything back. She wouldn’t dare. That was what she told me in order for me to have sex with my brother in the first place. She was the one that pressured me so much into having sex with him that one final night with her in the bed. That one night where I was beyond certain was the night I conceived. I was so selfish right then and I thought I deserved every right to be. I finished my lunch and left the table.
I would apologize the next day. I just wanted her to feel one day though of what she caused. She was my best friend in the whole world and I loved her beyond any other living human besides my mom and Ean, but deep down at the root, she was why I was pregnant right then.
-
e.l. hanes
