Your beginning and middle were very good, well written, however you died in the last 2 lines. what happened? Did yu lose concentration or your train of thought? Work on it, your ideas are worth pursuit.

No, I didn't lose train of thought at all. Read the last four lines together.

"I'm wondering if you can feel this ecstasy
My thoughts and their potency
From where you are
Somewhere out far "

The poem is about a woman masturbating to the thought of her absent lover and asking him if he can feel her ecstasy when he is.

her lover can feel it ok...he fucking some other dimwit!!zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

i think what the first guy is getting at is the short length of four of the last six lines.

I seem to remember somewhere way back in a literature class about the syllable count and placement of the accent marks. making a ' for a syllable and a ^ for an accent you can look at the poem like a drumm beat.

A thought of you swells in my head
' ^ ' ' ^ ' ' ^
From it the monster begins to be fed
^ ' ' ^ ' ' ^ ' ' ^

I might be full of hot air here, but I always think a poem that makes a nice beat without sounding too seussical is a good thing. When the syllable count gets too far off from line to line it sounds off somewhat.

just ignore the wtf guy and keep on writing. I hope you find my comments useful

tu ecule bien c bien

I can feel what she is writing my man is over seas.

i thought it was amazing it got to me it was deep lame line but i liked

Jan13purplehaze i just wiped a tear and am scared more might flow. you know the kind of poems that seem to talk about you,though wrttien by someone else? well thats how this poem made me feel. am not certain if i just had an emotional relapse but your piece is beautiful and ever so true.

this is sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt