[[[-RECOLLECTIONS08.TXT-]]]
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Recollections
Written by: Kaadorix
M/F, F/F and a whole lot more
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Chapter 08: "First"
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-*- Tuesday, September 21, 2010 -*-
-*- Lawrence, Kansas -*-
(Seven Years Ago // Flashback)
"It's called taking baby steps." I picked up the dinner
basket of hot sourdough rolls and extended it across the table
to my older brother Hudson, and snuck a peek at our sister
Janae. "Janae? You want more bread, too?"
"Sure." Janae did not look up from her smartphone, which
she was furiously typing away upon. She had been texting back
and forth with her 21-year-old son, David, for the better part
of an hour. David was enlisted in the U.S. Navy and currently
stationed in Norfolk, Virginia, but was getting deployed soon.
Janae's dark hair covered half her face, but I knew that she
was listening to us. She was always an excellent listener.
"Thank you," she said as I then put the basket of rolls in
front of her. It was Tuesday night, and I had decided to
meet up with my big brother and big sister for dinner at
_The Roost_ in Lawrence, Kansas. I had not seen as much of
my family as I was accustomed to lately. Alexa and I had
been dating for nearly three months now, and I was pleased
at the progress we had made in our relationship thus far.
Alexa went to college right here in Lawrence, of course -
some 30 miles away from my hometown of Lake Quivira - but I
had opted to devote the evening to Hudson and Janae. Besides,
Alexa was swamped with her current schoolwork and could really
use the time away from our busy dating routine to catch up.
Hudson and Janae both lived in Pleasant Grove, a small
farming community just south of Lawrence. In fact, it was
the same town where all of us grew up many moons ago.
"How can you be dating a 19-year-old college girl since
the early part of the summer, and you haven't even DONE
anything with her?" Hudson was a decade older than me and
very perplexing at times. Even now, at 36, I was still his
_baby brother_ and he often treated me as such, constantly
questioning my decisions, my choices, even my motivation.
"What the heck are you waiting for, Jer?"
"Oh, leave him alone." Janae glanced up and scoffed at
Hudson. At 49, she was the oldest of all of the siblings.
Carl, my other brother (also older) lived way out yonder in
Utah. "Alexa is the nicest and most down-home girl that Jer
has ever dated. Let him go at his own pace."
I clenched my jaw as Hudson and Janae debated my intimate
love life (or lack thereof) in this busy, hopping restaurant.
Shortly after we met, Alexa divulged to me that she was still
a virgin. How is it that a girl as gorgeous and as utterly
breathtaking as Alexa could still be a virgin at her age?
This was not the 1950s anymore.
No matter; despite that, I respected the fact Alexa was
still a virgin - perhaps there was a reason for it? - and did
my best to keep my physical urges for her to myself. We had
not really spoken about it since that night at the bowling alley.
Yet three months of constant togetherness seemed like an eternity
to fend off my growing, primal need for a girl who enjoyed
hugging and kissing on me at every opportunity. Being apart
from Alexa on certain nights like this helped, believe it or not.
In the end, I simply wanted to do everything right in our
relationship. I did not want to screw anything up. I did not
want to push or prod Alexa in any way, shape or form, perhaps
make a serious mistake. I was willing to wait for the woman I
ultimately wanted to marry. Wait for her on everything.
"You don't make a move on her soon, Jer, you may lose her."
Hudson's theory scared me, and I knew it was a possibility
too. Yet I loved and respected Alexa more than words could
ever say, and I wanted this to be her decision.
Not mine, not ours, but hers. I was not going to pressure
Alexa into having sex with me. Or anything else.
"Not every college girl is obsessed with getting into bed,"
Janae sniped at our brother. "I know you're a guy, Hud, and
all guys like to think that. But it's not true." Janae
shrugged her shoulders. "Besides, Alexa could make the move
on Jer if she really wanted. Why does Jer have to?"
"Because he is the man."
She leered at him. "You sound like such a pig."
I took a heavy swig of _Diet Pepsi_ to distract myself from
the discussion that my brother and sister were having about
us. Hudson was doing what Hudson does best - making me feel
even more insecure than I already was. Other than a couple
of one-night stands (that typically backfired, and made me
feel even more dejected in life), Alexa was the first woman I
had seriously dated since my ex-fiancee, Suzi. I broke it off
with Suzi six long years ago. Watching Janae, Hudson and
Carl, and their respective families evolve and grow over the
years, did not help matters, either. All of my siblings had
been married for several years and had children of their own.
Somehow, I got left behind in the dust of their happy train.
"Stop being so hard on Jer," Janae told Hudson.
"You're never going to marry this Alexa girl," he warned
me. "You're wasting your time. You can't even get her into
bed." Hudson paused. "Plus, you're just too old for her.
You should be dating someone more your own age, Jer."
"HUDSON!" Janae shrieked in displeasure, forcing others in
the restaurant to glance our way momentarily. "I dated my
first boyfriend in high school - Dennis - for TWO YEARS before
doing ANYTHING with him. Give them time!"
"While Alexa is not too far removed from high school, Jer
most certainly is," he retorted. "And guys his age typically
don't date a gal for as long as they have and NOT have sex
with her, let alone not even lay a finger on her," He looked
at me with intent. "Seriously, bud. You need to figure this
shit out. Find out what Alexa wants. Either take the next
step with her, or move on. You ain't gettin' any younger."
"You keep doing what you're doing. I think you and Alexa
are so perfect together. And I think it's wonderful the way
you treat her." My sister smiled, easing the pressure just a
tad. "Who cares about the age difference? Alexa doesn't."
Yet talking with Hudson about my love life and romance
always left me feeling even more unsure and hollow inside.
I know that Hudson was just looking out for me. He wanted me
to happy. Yet he had his opinions, many of them firm and
strong, and was not afraid to voice them.
Especially when I was the target.
* * *
30 minutes later I was sitting in my car at the red light
connecting 2nd Street and North Street, just shy of U.S.
Interstate 70. Once I got onto the expressway, the 30 miles
between here and Lake Quivira would fly by in a hurry. I
just wanted to go home. When I got there, though, I knew
that I was going to feel even more sorry for myself.
I thought about stopping by the dorm room that Alexa shared
with Merissa at the University of Kansas here in Lawrence and
saying hello before traveling home, but decided against it.
Hudson had me so upset and on edge, though I did not dare let
him or Janae know that in the two hours we spent dining out.
Why did he have to be so critical of me at every opportunity?
Why did Hudson insist that I rush and take unnecessary risks?
I THOUGHT I had been doing everything right with Alexa thus
far - taking baby steps - but Hudson put doubt into my mind.
Just the whole night was very upsetting to me.
That was what I got for trying to talk to him, seeking his
advice. I should have known better, but did it anyway. At
the end of the day, it was all my fault.
My smartphone buzzed as I drove toward the busy highway.
I smiled at the image of Merissa on the screen and answered.
"Hey," I greeted her, smiling. "What's going on?"
"Hey, Jeremy. I know you were going be over in our neck
of the woods tonight, visiting your family. Are you still
in town? Still in the area, at least?"
"Yeah. About to hit the expressway. Why?"
"Lexi and I had a fight earlier today," Merissa confessed.
"Nothing major, I guess, but you know that she does not approve
of me dating Grayson, and lets me know about it from time to
time. Today just so happened to be one of those times."
"Oh?" Well, I tended to agree with Alexa on this one. I
did not believe that Grayson and his hair-trigger temper was
a good fit for Merissa, either. What exactly did she see in
him, anyway? The guy had some serious anger issues, it seemed,
and I often wondered what would happen if Grayson were to ever
lose his cool in front of Merissa. Was he actually capable of
physically striking her? Assaulting her with his fists?
Just the mere idea was terrifying.
"I've been calling Lexi nonstop, but she won't answer her
cell," Merissa told me. "I have no idea where she is. I
know that Lexi did not run off to Lake Quivira to be with you
because she knew that you were spending the night with family.
And her mom and dad are out of town, so I doubt she went to
Overland Park. Maybe you could call her for me? Tell her
I'm sorry, and I want her to come back home. Lexi has been
gone for five hours now. It's so unlike her."
I looked at my wristwatch. It was 9:00pm and I had to go
to work early in the morning. Did I really need to interject
myself into a squabble between Alexa and Merissa, even if
they were the best of friends? I was not in the greatest of
moods myself (thanks Hudson), but knew what I had to do.
"I'll call and talk to her."
"Thanks, Jeremy! You're a life saver."
I turned around and drove back toward the campus. Wherever
she was, perhaps Alexa needed some friendly company tonight?
She was always upset whenever her and Merissa had an argument.
Plus, it was wrong of me to skip town without at least making
an effort to see Alexa, even if just for a few moments. Why
take out my frustrations with Hudson on her?
But Alexa would not answer her cell phone for me, either.
That was very odd. I made four or five calls just to be
sure, but they kept going to voicemail. No one could pry
that phone from her, and she would never just allow its
battery to die out. How come Alexa was not answering it,
especially with me calling? I had to search for her now. Oh,
I was going to be out extra late tonight, and would most
assuredly have trouble functioning at work in the morning.
I drove by many of Alexa's favorite hang-outs here in this
busy college town. I looked for her very distinctive,
burgundy red 1988 _Mercury Tracer_ all up and down famed
Massachusetts Street. I checked the arcade, the local gym,
even the library. There was no sign of Alexa's car, or her. I
called again, but still got no answer. I expanded my search.
After an hour, my heart skipped a beat when I noticed my
beloved girlfriend's familiar car at the old hiking trail at
_Clinton Park_. It was after 10:00pm! Alexa decided to
drown her bitterness with Merissa by taking a hike in the
woods? In the dark? I knew that she enjoyed the outdoors
and this lovely, picturesque state park, but I had warned her
in the past about going through the dense brush on her own.
She could be so damn stubborn at times, though.
Worst of all, night-time had completely fallen.
I parked next to Alexa's old, beaten up vehicle and cut
the engine to my own car. "It's at the head of the exercise
trail, but it's late, pitch black outside," I told Merissa
during a quick telephone call. "No, I don't want you to
come out here and help me look for her. You stay in your
dorm, and I'll let you know when I find her. I promise. No,
don't call her parents and let them know. They will just
worry. She probably just wanted to take a walk."
I grabbed my trusty survival knife and a heavy flashlight
from the glove compartment. Merissa's worry had on me on
edge now too, so I retrieved the first aid kit from the trunk
just in case. I looked at and all around Alexa's car. There
were no personal belongings in sight, and both doors were
locked. That was good. She was finally listening to me about
being a little more safe and careful.
As I headed down the 2-1/2 mile trail, I began to feel more
and more concern for Alexa. Why would she go out hiking on
her own after dark? My thoughts turned possessive, and even
angry. How could she put herself in danger like this?
Fortunately, I knew this area - the state park - quite
well. When I was growing up just down the road in Pleasant
Grove, Dad and I would visit the park on weekends and hike
all over it. There were so many secret spots that I loved
as a kid, and still remember. Some of them, in fact, I had
shared with Alexa during hikes here in the recent past.
Yet the longer I searched for Alexa, the more worried I
became. I made it back to the beginning of the trail,
circling the long loop, without seeing any trace of her.
Alexa's little red car was still parked in its spot. I went
on the trail again, this time on high alert, aware of
everything. Before, I thought I would simply come across her.
I cupped both hands around my mouth and shouted into the
bleak darkness. "Alexa? Alexa, where are you?"
Met with silence, except for my beating heart and intense
breathing, I got desperate and began running the trail.
With the flashlight as my guide, and relying on instinct, I
called out her name repeatedly. I dialed Alexa's cell phone
and, yet again, was met with nothing.
The thought of Alexa being out here in the dark, alone and
afraid, had my adrenaline pumping. Where the HELL was she?
I picked up speed and was sprinting the trail now, looking
for any sign of her, hollering her name. Could her car have
simply broken down, and she got a friend to take her back to
campus? Maybe she was with her friend Sarah now? Or Heather?
Alexa needed her car for work, though, and would have surely
gotten it towed in for repair by now if it broke down.
"Lexi!" I frantically called out into the night. "LEXI!"
It was nearing 11:30pm...
"Here! Over here!" The weak, trembling voice of the
woman I wanted to marry sent my pulse skyrocketing.
I bolted over the crest of an adjacent hill and nearly
tripped over Alexa, lying beside a tree. I knelt down next to
her and did a quick visual assessment. Her eyes were wide and
bloodshot red, as if she had been crying. Alexa's hair was an
absolute mess, and she had a streak of dirt across her face.
Alexa wore a pair of denim cutoffs, and her knees were caked
in mud and dirt as well. What happened?
"Jeremy!" she wailed out. "How did you find me?" Her
blue eyes filled with a new rush of tears. "WHAT are you
doing here? I fell earlier and twisted my ankle. I thought
I was going to be stuck out here all night until the park
ranger came by in the morning!"
I gathered her in my arms, careful not to jostle her ankle,
and brought her safely into my chest. Good God, I suddenly
felt so frightened! I wanted to keep Alexa nice and safe here
in my arms forever. Seriously, if anything bad had happened...
"Shhhhh. You're okay now. I got you. You're safe."
"I was so scared, Jeremy!"
The way she said my name, full with gratitude and something
much deeper, rocked me to my very core. I knew it was wrong,
but I wanted to kiss Alexa until the fear in her eyes subsided.
Did that make me an asshole? Alexa was trembling against my
chest and not searching for any pleasure right now whatsoever.
Yet, it was first and foremost on my mind.
Was it because of the talking down to I received from Hudson
earlier? He also claimed that I was too meek with Alexa. I
had no guts, he said, and was too scared to take a chance.
"Thank you for finding me," Alexa sobbed, breathing deeply.
Her voice pulled me from my wretched thoughts. Then, as if I
flicked an imaginary switch, I reluctantly detached my emotions
for the time being and went into my familiar doctor mode.
"How long ago did you get hurt?"
"I don't know! It was still light out."
Alexa had been out here in the woods, injured and all alone,
for hours? If only Merissa had called me earlier...
"I'm sorry, Lexi. I wish I could have found you sooner.
Why are you out here alone? How did you fall?"
"I needed to get away. Merissa and I had a nasty fight
about Grayson and how I feel he is so wrong for her. I
thought I would come out here to the park and let off some
steam for a bit." She shrugged her shoulders. "I took my
phone out to call Merissa and apologize, but it slipped out of
my hand and down the ridge. When I went to get it, my foot
got caught on this stupid root beside me and I... fell."
"There is nothing wrong with you hiking. I know you love
the outdoors. But you can't do it alone."
"Yeah, I know that now. Even though you've told me so
many times before." She smiled, and my eyes landed on her
full, lush lips. Dammit.
I tore my gaze away. "I need to check your ankle."
I focused on Alexa's injury instead of how delicate and
warm her skin was. I moved her foot about slowly.
She winced and pushed my hands away. "It hurts!"
"I'm sorry, baby, but at least it doesn't seem broken," I
advised her. "Swollen, yes, probably a nasty sprain. Let me
get you fixed up and then I'll find your phone." I took my
shirt off and began dabbing at her dirt-stained shins. I
wiped at the streak of mud on her cheek.
"No! Can you get my phone first? PLEASE?" How could I
deny her? I wanted to tend to Alexa more than anything, but
did as she asked. That phone was so damn important to her.
Just like all girls her age.
I looked down the steep incline for the smartphone, but
even with the flashlight, it was very difficult to see.
Like trying to find a needle in a haystack, even. I was glad
that Alexa did not try to search for her phone with that bum,
injured ankle. Things could be much worse right now.
"You hold onto the flashlight and aim it down the hill,"
I instructed her. "Better yet, keep the light on me at all
times. I'm going to climb down and take a look."
"It fell over to your right, I think," she told me a
moment later. "Jeremy, be careful! Don't trip! Oh God,
be careful." Her voice was filled with worry. Alexa was
always concerned for others and their well-being.
"I'm fine, honey. I know this area like the back of my
hand. I've been all throughout here many times before."
My eyes adjusted to the dark and, after a few moments, I
found her phone. "Got it!" I called to her, holding it in
the air so she could see. Then I carefully climbed the
steep incline and gave it back to her.
"Thanks!" she said, clutching the phone and the flashlight
simultaneously. "It's dead! Merissa is probably scared to
death about me. I shouldn't have stormed out on her. I just
think... Grayson is all wrong for her. Always thought that!"
"We will get your phone all charged up and let Merissa
know that you are safe." I dug through the first aid kit.
"I'm going to wrap your ankle up real nice and tight in an
_ACE_ bandage, then I am going to carry you out of here."
"Wrap it? That's going to hurt." Her blue eyes went
wide. "Carry me? You can't CARRY me, Jeremy! It's at
least a good mile or so from the foot of the trail."
"If I don't wrap and stabilize your ankle, sweetheart, it
will only get worse as I'm carrying you." I tucked the shirt
I had been wearing into the side of my trousers. I did not
want to wear the shirt with all of the excess dirt on it now.
"You CAN'T carry..."
I pressed my fingers to her lips and lowered my tone.
"Lexi, I'm carrying you. It's the only way. Unless you
want me to call 9-1-1, and they come and take you away
either in a rescue helicopter, or a stretcher. I don't
think that is necessary. Your ankle isn't fractured. It
will also draw a lot of public attention toward you."
Alexa blinked up at me through dark, thick eyelashes,
looking even more innocent than she usually did. Vulnerable,
even. She was usually so in control of everything.
"Wait," Alexa said softly as she touched my right arm.
She then slammed her eyes shut and gripped my forearm with
great force. "Okay. Wrap it."
Helping others and tending to their freak injuries and
illnesses was one of the hallmarks of my job. Never once
had I felt nervous doing it, but the sight of Alexa's
scrunched-up face and the death grip she had on my arm was
taking a serious toll on me. I needed to get her to safety.
And I needed to seize control of my own emotions.
* * *
"Stay with me, Lexi." I glanced down and watched Alexa
shake her head as I carried her along the trail with both
arms. It was well past midnight now, and I could tell that
she was much worse off than before. "Take a drink of water,"
I insisted, motioning toward the bottle I had given her. I
actually put her on the ground for a moment and brought the
bottle to her lips so she could gather a sip.
"Put your arms around my neck," I instructed her as I
again hoisted her upward. "You want me to carry the
flashlight instead? It will make things easier for you."
She handed me the flashlight without a word and hooked her
arms all nice and snug around my neck and shoulders.
"We don't have much longer to go." I carried her in
silence for several minutes. "I'm going to take you back
to Merissa, and your dorm room with her. I will see that your
ankle is stable. Merissa can help you clean and wash up."
I had already texted the head nurse at my medical practice,
Karen, and asked her to inform my patients that all of my
appointments for Wednesday were hereby canceled. I had a
personal emergency pop up, I explained, and would not be in.
I had never canceled an entire day of appointments before.
"I don't want you walking on this ankle at all tonight.
After I'm sure you're good tonight, honey, I'll be back
first thing in the morning to check on you. I promise."
"No..." Alexa's voice broke through for the first time
in about 20 minutes.
"You can't walk, sweetheart. You can't."
Again, I carried Alexa in silence for several minutes.
"I don't want to go home with Merissa!" Alexa piped up out
of the blue, her voice weaker than before. Sadness just
seemed to wash all her face as I looked down at her. She was
really uncomfortable, in dire straits. "I want to go home
with you, Jeremy. Take me back to Lake Quivira with you."
My smartphone buzzed and, without missing a step, I
pulled it from my pocket while holding Alexa with one arm.
"Yeah?" I just now realized that I had been carrying
Alexa this whole time without a shirt on. I took it off
earlier to wipe some of the excess dirt and grime from various
parts of her body. She had a hand on my chest now, clutching
a pectoral. Why was that hand causing ripples of pleasure for
me? "No. I found her. Yeah, we're good. Lexi fell and hurt
her ankle, but it should be fine. I'm glad you didn't call
her parents on their little trip and alarm them." I looked
down at Alexa and informed her, "It's Merissa."
Alexa glared up at me with inquisitive eyes as she again
hooked that arm around my neck. "Tell Merissa I'm s-sorry."
I carried Alexa along the last bit of the trail. "That's
what she says. She wants me to take her back to Lake Quivira.
I know. I know. No, I canceled them all. Yeah, believe it.
Some things are more important than work, you know. Alexa can
stay in the guest room tonight. I have plenty of room. You are
more than welcome to stop by in the morning and check on her."
Just as I ended the call with Merissa and put the phone back
into my pocket, it rang again. "Hi, Janae," I said to my older
sister, who I had called during the frantic search earlier. "I
got her. No, she's fine. Tell Hudson that Alexa twisted her
ankle, but she's going to be fine. No, it's not broken. Trust
me. I can tell. Found her in the woods. I'll call you in the
morning, okay? Yeah, sis. Thanks for everything. I love you."
I shoved my phone deep into my pocket again. "Sometimes I
think Janae cares more about you than she does me." I was
kidding, but the joke was not lost on Alexa.
"She cares about US," the 19-year-old corrected me. "But
how did Janae know that I was out here? And Hudson?"
"We were getting ready to call the police and hope they
conducted on all-out search for you," I informed her. "I was
about five minutes away from calling in the reinforcements.
I kept telling everyone not to."
"I'm glad it didn't come to that," Alexa whispered. "God,
I'm so stupid! All because I got into a fight with Merissa."
She frowned. "Merissa is like a sister to me, she's my best
friend, and I love her. I love her. How can she not see that
Grayson is bad news for her? How? He's been so angry since
he messed up his knee in high school and it robbed him of any
chance to continue to play football, and turn pro one day.
He takes a lot of his bitterness and frustration out on her."
I gulped my throat. "There are people who say that I'm bad
news for you, too, honey. Because of our ages."
"Fuck anyone who says that about us!"
I chuckled as we reached the head of the trail.
"You can put me down now."
Between the flashlight, which was losing its battery power,
and the moonlight, I got a good view of Alexa's exhausted,
tired face. She still looked gorgeous regardless, and I had
the urge to press my lips to her mouth and kiss her. The
impulse surprised me again. Now was not the time.
"You're not putting any weight on that ankle of yours," I
told her instead. "In you go." I unlocked the passenger
door to my car and gently placed her inside. "What do you
need out of your car? Anything?"
"Nothing. I just want to go home with you."
I took a deep breath and sighed. Damn, it was 1:30am now.
"You sure? Why my house? Why not your dorm room?"
"Because I... I want to be with you tonight, Jeremy."
"Purse isn't in your car?"
"I left it back at the dorm," Alexa informed me. "I left
with my keys and my license, and my phone. Keys and license
are still in my pocket. They're safe and sound."
Back in Lake Quivira, Alexa and I got into a mini argument
of our own. She wanted to try walking into my log cabin home
by herself, but I was not about to let her even attempt that.
I insisted, and again carried Alexa into the living room and
set her down on the sofa. I loved the weight of her lithe,
little body in my arms, the feel of her hands plucking at my
skin. I propped her ankle up on a pillow and inspected it.
"Why did you stay here in this house after you caught
Suzi cheating on you here six years ago?"
"I fell in love with this house from the moment that I
first walked into it," I told her. "Catching Suzi cheating
on me here is a bad memory, yes, but I decided to overlook
that in terms of my feelings for the house itself. I never
once thought of moving out because of what Suzi did to me.
I've always wanted to live in Lake Quivira because it's so
beautiful here. This old house... gives me that opportunity."
"Plus, I like the privacy." I strolled into the kitchen
and grabbed a bag of frozen corn and ibuprofen, and a glass
of orange juice. I brought them out to Alexa. "Take these
to help with the swelling. This will help keep it down."
She took the pills and eyed the bag of corn. "Frozen corn?
That's the doc's idea to heal my twisted ankle?" She laughed;
it lit up her entire face. Alexa was in much better spirits
now that we were no longer trekking throughout the harsh woods.
"Don't knock it. It works."
Alexa [Last Name]'s hot body had been pressed tightly into
my flesh for such a long time tonight. And now? Now I had
her alone in my very own home.
I needed to turn off my libido, but every thought seemed to
amp it up to even higher levels. This was a mistake. Why had
I agreed to bring Alexa home with me? I should have put my
foot down, so to speak, and made her go back to her dorm. I
should not be having these lustful, carnal thoughts about her
right now! My girlfriend was hurt, dammit, and I was like the
wild animal, ready to pounce and take what I felt was mine
from its wounded, highly vulnerable prey.
I shook my head to clear the cobwebs. "We're going to ice
your ankle for 20 minutes every hour to keep the swelling at
bay. It doesn't look that bad, but we want to keep it that
way." I set the corn on her ankle, and she immediately
sucked in a sharp gasp of air between her teeth.
"COLD!"
I laughed. I wrapped my hand around her other foot to
soothe her. "Hence the word FROZEN, honey. Are you hungry?"
She pouted. "Starving."
I walked off to the adjacent kitchen and looked in the
refrigerator. "What do you want to eat?"
"Jeremy?" Her voice softened. "Thank you for everything."
"I just want you to be safe. Get better, get healed. What
would you like to eat?"
"I don't care. Surprise me."
I was used to feeding myself, which meant protein, protein
and more protein. I had not exerted much effort into cooking
since the days of Suzi, but having Alexa here right now seemed
to reinvigorate me. This was just the third time she had ever
stepped foot into my home, but never before did I prepare any
food for her. This seemed too domesticated, and it actually
scared me. I never felt comfortable inviting Alexa inside in
the past. Again, I wanted to take things slow with her. I
was not about to pressure or coerce her into anything.
"How's eggs..." I looked up and saw Alexa reaching for my
private journal.
I bolted around the corner and snatched the journal from
the coffee table. I felt strange and a little guilty when I
started writing it two months ago, but also a sense of solace
in getting my thoughts out of my head in a private manner.
Everything I wrote was about Alexa and how I envisioned our
lives to be ten years from now. In love, together, married.
Was that normal? Did it make me a bad person?
"Sorry. That's uh, not very interesting."
Alexa crossed her arms and crinkled her nose at me. "Is
that a DIARY?"
"No!" I huffed. "It's a journal. And it's private." I
put it on the bookshelf just behind the sofa. "Eggs okay?"
"I don't eat eggs very often, but that sounds fine. Do
you have any muffins? How about some tofu?"
"I'm a man, not a rabbit." I saw Alexa reaching for my
journal again. It was just like Alexa to go after what she
wanted. She clearly had no idea that I was dead-set serious
about her not peering into it.
In a matter of seconds, I trapped Alexa's wrists behind
her head on the arm of the sofa, my torso suddenly pinning
her beneath me for a luscious three count. I then twined my
fingers around hers, lacing them, giving me full control over
her. Oh dear God. What was I was doing? Our mouths were
mere inches apart. My eyes dropped to the pulse beating
quite frantically at the base of her throat. Based on the
way that Alexa was breathing, it was because she was being
held down and restrained, not because she felt the room heat
up like a pressure cooker the same way I did.
"Now I REALLY want to know what's in that journal!" Her
eyes seemed to focus on my lips, making things even hotter.
"It's personal." I forced myself to release her and
slumped down into the edge of the sofa. I leaned both
elbows upon my knees and sighed. FUCK! I had been an
instant or two away from kissing her. "I'm going to take
you back to Lawrence, Alexa. This was a mistake."
She touched my back and made me feel even more conflicted
inside. "No. I want to stay here with you. I love you."
I stared off into space, trying to keep my feelings under
control. My libido. Had I been close to forcing myself on
her? "I don't want to make you uncomfortable."
"Uncomfortable?" She laughed hard. "You carried me for
well over a mile in your arms, you drove me 30 miles to your
home in the middle of the night, and now you're offering to
make me food. I'm not uncomfortable at all. I feel loved.
If anyone is uncomfortable, Jeremy, it should be you."
I went back to the kitchen to put some space between us.
"Do you have any salad?" She sat up, and the bag of
frozen corn clunked to the floor.
"Lay down!" DAMMIT! I really needed to get ahold of
myself. I acted like a horny teenager earlier and was
mighty angry as a result of it. Worst of all, I had just
accidentally snapped at Alexa. How could I raise my voice?
"Please," I begged her. "I got this. Just lay down.
You need to relax and not any pressure on that ankle."
Stubborn, Alexa pulled herself up by the side of the sofa
and then hopped on one foot toward me. I mumbled under my
breath and swept her up and into my arms again. Alexa
laughed as I brought her across the floor and promptly
deposited her on the counter right next to the refrigerator.
"You don't listen very well," I said tersely.
"I've been told that before a time or two."
I tore open some English muffins and threw two of them
into the toaster. With my back to Alexa, I listened as she
slid from the counter and landed with a thud on the tiled
floor. I spun around and found Alexa standing on one foot,
reaching for me. I narrowed my eyes, unhappy. She grabbed
the waistline of my trousers and hopped closer.
I froze and actually glanced elsewhere. "Lexi, please.
What are you doing?"
"I'm hugging you." She slid her arms around me and
pressed the side of her face into my bare chest.
"Lexi." My tone was harsh, rigid even. She should still
be out in the living room, taking it easy on the sofa.
"Jeremy," she whispered sweetly, tightening her grip.
Dammit again! Did Alexa have any idea how many times
over the past three months that I had fantasized about her
holding me just like this in my very own kitchen? My home?
My bedroom, even? But tonight was NOT the night for this!
"Why aren't you hugging me back?" she pouted. "Jeremy,
we hug and kiss on each other constantly! You haven't even
kissed me once tonight, at all. Why not?"
I motioned toward her bum ankle. "I don't think the
circumstances are really right for it. I just... I don't
want you to hurt yourself more than you already are. That
is all... I am actually concerned with right now."
"Hug me," she begged. "God, Jeremy. Let me feel how
strong you are. I need your strength right now."
I was not strong. I was pathetic, weak.
I reluctantly slid my arms around her, and she nuzzled in
ever closer. I felt my cock stiffen in my trousers despite
doing everything in my power to try and stave it off. I then
pried Alexa's arms from around my waist and took a step back.
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TONIGHT?" she screeched, visibly
upset. And confused. Oh, my. Now she was angry at me, too.
Awesome. But I could not cave in. I just couldn't.
I lifted her by the waist and set her back down upon the
counter. She stared at me with absolute fury and rage in her
blue eyes. "What are you doing, Jeremy? Tell me!" Clearly,
Alexa did not want to be put back atop the counter.
"Food," I simply told her. It was either that, or telling
her to hop away before I took her into my bedroom. But I did
not want that tonight. This was not the proper time. Not
when she was hurt and vulnerable. "You need to eat."
"I'm not hungry anymore!"
I ignored her little outburst, yanking open the refrigerator
yet again, staring at everything but seeing nothing but Alexa.
The feeling of her fingers on my neck, her cheek against my
chest, her heart beating against my abdomen fresh in my mind.
The toaster dinged. The muffins were ready. Thank God.
"I said I'm not hungry!" she again snarled at me as I
buttered one of the muffins and handed it to her. "WHY are
you acting all psycho on me tonight?"
"This doesn't feel right!" I finally admitted. "Alexa, I
love you very, very much. You know that! But you're in my
home now. You're sick, you're injured. You're probably not
yourself right now, even if you don't realize it. Above all
else, you're vulnerable. Very, very vulnerable. And I... I
feel a lot of emotions right now that I... I shouldn't."
Fuck...
I closed my eyes, yet Alexa scooted over on the counter
until her hip was touching my side. "I wanted to go home with
you, Jeremy, because I knew you would take care of me." Her
voice was soft, tender. "Being with you makes me feel safe."
I again looked at Alexa, and it was a mistake. I admired
her beauty for a long moment. I loved her hair. It was long
and blonde, and oh so silky. It cascaded down her neck and
shoulders, and framed her face. Her eyes were sad now. Or
were they serious? Perhaps both? I could not tell because I
was dealing with my own emotions. Alexa's lips were parted.
I wanted to lean in and kiss her so much.
"You're so perfect," I said in all honesty.
The edges of her lips curved upward. "Jeremy?"
"I should take you back to campus."
"No," she again insisted. "I want to stay here with you."
"I don't want you to," was my honest rebuttal.
* * *
Alexa and I ate in silence. My brooding, intense gaze
never left the plate of eggs in front of me, yet I knew that
Alexa was staring my way. Trying to figure me out. Hell, I
was trying to figure myself out. Was this the way to treat
the absolute girl of my dreams? Miss America? Was acting
like a standoffish recluse the way to show Alexa that I loved
her and ultimately wanted to marry her? My appreciation for
the last three months that we had spent together?
What exactly was wrong with me? Was I actually paranoid
about possibly having sex with her? Now that she was in my
home, was that the issue? The fact that Alexa was still a
virgin? Still so young? Was the constant nagging about
my private life with Alexa from Hudson and Mike, my best
friend, getting to me? No, it wasn't, I told myself. Or
at least I tried. This... it was not the way I imagined.
Not the scenario. I did not want to make love to Alexa
because she had a sprained ankle and I had somehow rescued
her earlier tonight. OBLIGATED! I did not want Alexa to
feel obligated... to GIVE. UP. HER. VIRGINITY. TO. ME.
If that day were to come, I wanted it to be natural. Right.
Was I a narcissistic prick? Did Alexa even have any sexual
thoughts about me tonight? Was sex even a remote idea to her?
Perhaps all she truly wanted to do was thank me for coming to
her aid and hang out for a bit. She already agreed to spend
the rest of night in the guest bedroom. Why did I just
automatically assume that sex was on her mind? Why was it on
MY mind? Was I actually conceited and wrongly felt that she
wanted this tonight? Was I that arrogant of a prick?
Once all of the eggs and the two muffins were history, I
carried Alexa back out to the sofa and propped up her ankle.
This time, I iced it with a bag of frozen carrots. I went
off to a side room and finally returned wearing a new shirt.
I picked up the remote control, but set it back down. I
pulled a magazine from the shelf and leafed through it, yet
tossed it elsewhere. I stared blankly at the ceiling.
"Can we go outside and relax on the beach?"
I lifted my eyes to her. She was serious?
"I feel confined."
I growled, but nodded and grabbed the bag of frozen carrots.
I stuffed them into a loose pocket on my left thigh.
"You're bringing that?"
I swept her up into my arms one more time. "Yes. Your
ankle still needs ice so it won't swell."
As I carried her outside, she wiggled her foot a bit. "It
feels better. Doesn't hurt like it did earlier."
I carried her down toward the water. Christ, it was 3:00am
in the morning. I set Alexa upon the sand and took a seat
beside her, and propped her bare foot up on my lap. Again I
put the bag of vegetables on it.
"I could get used to you carrying me around," Alexa said
sweetly. "Maybe you could carry me from class to class."
Her attempt to lighten the mood was successful, if just
for a bit. I chuckled and even broke a smile. "And what
would I get in return for being your personal chauffeur?"
She grinned. "Me."
Oh God. The thoughts that response conjured up...
"Does your ankle hurt at all right now?" I needed to steer
the discussion back toward a much safer topic.
Alexa frowned at me, seemingly disappointed that I did not
take the bait that her little comment truly was. At least
outwardly. Oh, my insides raged. "No. Not as much as it
did earlier, like I said." She slid her leg off of my lap.
"That's good." Still upset, I brought one knee up and
rested my arm on it, and glanced out at the peaceful lake. I
chose to stay silent for the next several minutes.
"Jeremy, are you mad at me? Is that what this is about?"
Alexa tugged at some sand and let it slide between her
fingers, dispensing some of her nervous energy. "You mad
that I went out hiking on my own and hurt myself?"
"Not very happy about it, but no, I'm not particularly MAD
at you. I... love you, honey, and I'm glad you're okay."
She wrung her fingers together, but then moved closer and
touched my clenched jaw, drawing my face toward hers again.
I immediately glanced away and even turned my back to Alexa.
I then quickly stood up and came to a decision.
"It's late, Lexi. We should go back inside. I'm tired,
and I know you are too. You need to get some sleep."
I put the bag of carrots into my pocket once more and
forced myself to look back her way. When I reached for
Alexa, she gripped my arm and absolutely refused to move.
"We can't stay out here all night."
Her eyes flared. "I'm not leaving until you talk to me."
I pulled my arm away and again turned my back to her. I
seethed inwardly as she then pushed to her feet. I glanced
back for a split-second and watched Alexa nudge forward,
barely putting any weight on her ankle, but doing it anyway.
Just like I had stressed all night for her not to. She put
most of her weight on her good foot and wrapped her arms
around me from behind. She kissed the very center of my
back. "Jeremy, I love you. What's wrong, baby?"
Something inside me snapped.
I turned and smashed my mouth to Alexa's for a sudden,
blistering kiss, my tongue parting her lips and urging them
open. The first flick of her velvety tongue upon mine sent
hot, undulating waves crashing throughout my soul. I kissed
Alexa like no one I ever had before, deeply and urgently,
pouring everything I had into her. She gripped the sides of my
head and met every greedy, selfish move with one of her own.
I growled as I tore my lips away from hers.
"Kiss me more, Jeremy!" she pleaded. "Just kiss me!"
Unable to resist the temptation, our lips came together.
I diverted and feasted on her neck for a moment - oh, that
smooth, slender neck, in all its glory - but then went back
to her mouth. I could not get enough of her. She tasted
wonderful. I wanted to dive into that sweet, luscious mouth
and never come out. I slipped both arms around Alexa's tiny,
petite torso. My hand slid from the lower portion of her back
over the hard, taut curve of her ass. That ass was DIVINE!
I slid my hand into her back pocket and squeezed possessively.
I then pulled that hand away as it had been doused with
fire. I tore my mouth from hers and shook my head. "Lexi.
We have to stop!" I had been a perfect gentleman in the three
months that she and I had been together, and never before did
I touch her in such a manner. I may have fantasized about
cupping that indelible, perfect little ass of hers (among
doing many other things to it), but I had yet to actually lay a
finger on it. Or any part of her. Until just a few seconds
ago when my libido had taken over, and I was out of control.
I prided myself in having complete control around Alexa.
"We can't do this," I told her, my insides at war. Total
warfare. "Not tonight. I... I'm sorry."
She dropped her eyes and glided the point of her elbow over
the thick, hard bulge in my trousers. Holy fuck! Alexa
seemed totally confused. Why had I pulled away after we kissed
like we wanted to own each other forever? Did she not realize
that I had just touched her in an inappropriate manner?
"Do you not like me this way, Jeremy, or something?"
Her whiny, little mewl set me off once more. I cupped the
back of Alexa's neck and kissed her again. I could not help
myself. My tongue moved over hers as my arms brought us
closer together, our bodies becoming one. She willingly gave
me everything I took from her with that hot, burning kiss.
When I pulled away again, Alexa was short of breath. I
touched my forehead to hers. "Honey," I whispered. "Out of
all of the possible scenarios I could have gotten you to stay
the night in my home for the first time, THIS was not one of
them." Alexa liked me being honest with her. It was a
tested hallmark of our relationship - what we had built
together - early on. "I have a lot of bad, impure thoughts
in my mind right now, sweetheart, and I am afraid of this
night dissolving into something you and I may both regret.
I... I don't need to take advantage of you, with you... hurt."
Instead of answering with words, Alexa kissed me again.
And again. And again! It took all of the willpower I had to
gather a clump of her hair and pull her lips from mine.
"I want you in my bed," I blurted out, again being totally
honest. What she preferred and always asked me to be with
her. "I want you beneath me, squirming, while I touch you,
taste you. I want to watch you come apart as I make love to
you! I want you to scream out my name in the heat of passion."
"But... not tonight. Please, Lexi. Please! Not tonight..."
The 19-year-old frowned, but nodded her head.
* * *
I did not get any sleep whatsoever that evening knowing that
Alexa was just a few steps away in my guest bedroom downstairs
wearing nothing but the Kansas City Chiefs' jersey I had lent her
to sleep in, and a pair of panties. I again insisted on taking
her back to Lawrence after our discussion at the beach earlier,
but she claimed to be exhausted and said she wanted to take a
bath and go to sleep instead of enduring another 30 mile trip.
I listened to Alexa fill the tub downstairs, and it was pure
hell knowing that she was lying naked in it when I should have
been there too, comforting her. I fantasized about climbing
into that tub and lovingly washing her, caressing her, until my
mind was simply consumed by all things Alexa. I would have taken
her to bed and worshiped every square inch afterward. I again
got hard, imagining her blonde hair strewn out across the pillow,
her luscious, tight curves beneath me, her body wet with need.
I even... stroked myself off to a conclusion.
At least in the morning, I had a better grip on my emotions.
I found Alexa's cell phone on the coffee table and when I went
to give it to her, she was still sleeping. Alexa looked like a
little angel lying in my guest bed. As I drew the bed sheet up
to her neck, I noticed that her clothes were on the chair. They
were still streaked with excess dirt from the slip and fall
yesterday. She was completely covered by the football jersey I
loaned her. I took the halter top and pair of shorts off to the
laundry room and washed them. When Alexa woke up, at least
her clothes would be clean, right? I ran them through the
dryer and then returned to the guest room. Alexa was still out
like a light, and in the same position as before. She had
been through a lot yesterday and was completely zonked.
After putting her clothes back on the chair where I
originally found them, I forced myself to leave without
another glance. Being in the same room with Alexa felt wrong
right now. It was never my intent to spy on her.
I gave up on sleeping around 6:00am, but put my pent-up
energy (and the anger directed at myself) to good use when
Merissa showed up an hour later, wanting to check on her
friend. I gave Merissa excess details of what happened, minus
the juicy, sexual frustrations, and told her that Alexa was
comfortably sleeping in my guest room. Having someone else
to talk to was amazing. I suggested that I drive Merissa to
Lawrence and the state park, and then she follow me back to
Lake Quivira in Alexa's car. We did just that, but not
before stopping at the campus so Merissa could pick up a few
personal belongings for her best friend and room-mate.
After returning to Lake Quivira, I sat on the front porch
and wrote a few lines in my journal while Merissa relaxed in
the living room and watched television. She did not want to
go until Alexa had woken up. Merissa was skipping class to be
here now. Hell, I was skipping work. How many angry patients
would I have, knowing I canceled all of their appointments on
such short notice? The typical patient does not want to believe
or try to understand that doctors led private lives as well, and
sometimes an emergency or unforeseen circumstance could pop up
out of nowhere for us. Doctors are people too, you know.
Yet my mind invariably drifted back to Alexa. I thought of
how insanely gorgeous she was. Alexa was not like most of the
women I had dated. She was incredibly petite and slim, with
lean hips and taut, perfect breasts. Then again, Alexa was not
like any other woman I had ever known in any way. She did
not have to use make-up or try to have her hair fall in the
most strategic location to look downright alluring. Hell,
she was stunning last night covered in grime and dirt! Alexa
was just so beautiful, but I truly felt it began and radiated
most from her heart first. Alexa was the sweetest girl...
Unable to concentrate on my writing, I set the journal on
the table beside me and glanced down toward the beach. A few
people were here and there at 10:00 in the morning, notably a
husband and wife, and their small toddler son. Mom was
screeching, trying to get the little rascal to calm down and
behave himself. He wanted to go swimming so bad! I smiled
inwardly, thinking in five years, perhaps that could be...
I turned around at some noise from within the house, and
watched Alexa throw a sofa cushion at Merissa in the living
room. The two ladies were having fun, giggling up a storm.
"Why don't you take the initiative with him, then? Stop
being so damn cautious!" Merissa said to her friend, but then
hushed up once I stepped into the house and regarded them. I
had no idea what they were talking about. Nor did I pay it
much attention, to be honest. It was their business.
"Alexa," I spoke to my girlfriend in a hard, deep voice.
Merissa even seemed to shiver at my tone. I glanced at the
bandage wrap wound tightly around Alexa's ankle. "Why aren't
you resting in bed like I told you last night?"
"She came out here hopping like a wild bunny rabbit a few
minutes ago," Merissa quickly informed me. "Lexi hasn't put
any weight on her bad foot at all. She's listening to you."
"I need to check on your ankle," I told Alexa, walking
over to her at the sofa. Going into caregiver mode again, I
unwrapped the bandage and inspected her ankle. Then I
checked on her range of motion. Alexa breathed sharply.
"On a scale of one to ten, how bad does it hurt?"
"Four."
"And how much better is it than last night?"
"A lot."
"It's not broken," I rumbled. "I'm positive of that. If I
had any doubts, I would take you to my office and have you
X-rayed. It's badly sprained, though. You need to stay off
it. Rest, ice, elevation. You know the drill by now, Lexi."
"I have an old pair of crutches in the basement, and I want
you to use them," I added. "Should be perfect for you and your
size. No more bunny hopping either, please. The last thing I
want is for you to somehow injure your OTHER ankle."
She nodded her head at me.
When I re-wrapped Alexa's ankle, Merissa seemed fascinated,
even biting down on her lower lip. Why did the look in her
brown eyes as she gazed my way suddenly seem so erotic?
"Thank you for taking care of my friend," Merissa squeaked,
as the contrast in her eyes drifted back to normal in a hurry.
"To know that she was scared and alone out in the forest last
night because of an argument with me..."
"It's not your fault!" Alexa insisted as Merissa gently
mewed and glanced away. "It's my fault!"
"Why don't you get some sleep?" Merissa suggested to me
after a moment. "God, Jeremy... you look exhausted. I told
Lexi that you said you couldn't fall asleep last night to
save your life. I'll help Lexi get ready and we can go back
to campus. We can leave her car here for now, until she is
capable of driving it, and go in mine. I'll keep an eye on
Lexi, too. Rest, ice, elevation. Don't worry, I got it."
That actually sounded like a great idea. I could pass
Alexa off into the hands of her best friend, and catch up
on some much needed sleep in the process. If anything, I
knew that Merissa would look after Alexa and keep her safe.
That was what these two girls always did for each other.
I came back two minutes later with the crutches. "These
should do the trick. Remember, stay off of that ankle."
"You go lay down, relax," Merissa insisted. "Lexi and I
will be out of your hair soon. And I will make sure that
the house is locked up and secure before we leave."
"Get some sleep, Jeremy," Alexa murmured.
* * *
I bolted upright in bed. The digital alarm clock beside
me read 7:33. Not 7:33am, mind you, but 7:33pm. Had I been
sleeping for the past nine hours? Did I waste this entire
day away sleeping in bed? Where was my phone? I needed to
check and see if Alexa had texted me. Oh God, how was her
ankle? What if she somehow made it worse today?
Yet when I began to get out of bed, I froze.
Alexa was sitting there in a chair. In the corner. She
glanced up at me, seemingly surprised, and pulled the tiny
earbuds that were wired to her smartphone out of her ears.
What? Music? She had been listening to music? While sitting
in the corner in my very own bedroom, and watching me sleep?
"Well good morning, starshine!" she said with a big smile,
regarding me. "The Earth says hello! How are you feeling?"
"Umm." Her right foot was wrapped up in a bandage, and a
bucket of ice - with empty _Ziploc_ bags - was nearby. She
had on the same halter top and denim cutoffs from yesterday.
"Well, you definitely look cute in your bed," she purred.
"Real nice and peaceful, such a easy, calm sleeper. I've been
sitting here since four o'clock, waiting for you to wake up."
Really? She had been watching me over THREE HOURS?
"I... I thought you and Merissa were leaving this morning?"
My mind was foggy, and still in a daze. What the hell?
"I sent Merissa on her way. I wanted to stay with you."
"And you've been in my bedroom since four o'clock?..."
Alexa shrugged her shoulders, acting playful. "You know
that I like to creep on you from time to time. That's my
hobby, Jeremy. But is it any more creepin' than you coming
into my room overnight, taking my messy, muddy clothes, and
washing them? And then putting them right back where you
found them?" I gulped my throat as Alexa giggled merrily. "I
actually debated this morning whether that was creepy on your
part, or the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me."
"I wasn't creepin'..."
She smiled again. "I know you weren't. Not your style."
Alexa gathered her crutches and made her way to the bed. She
took a seat on its edge, next to me, and reached for my face.
I immediately backed away. "What are you doing?"
"I love you with all of my heart, Jeremy, and I'm ready."
She lunged forward and took my face between her hands and
pressed her lips to mine in a fast, hard kiss. When I again
pulled back and set my eyes on her, Alexa seemed emotional.
"Please!" she whined. "I... I've thought about this all
day. Please, Jeremy... make love to me. Not because I feel
I owe it to you, but because I love you. And you love me."
"Lexi..."
"Please! I'm begging you! Stop being so flipping NICE!
I don't want you to be nice any more! I want you to take me."
Okay. That was it. As a human being, I could only endure
so much. Hell, I had spent the entire day dreaming about her...
Alexa clutched at the back of my head as I moved in and
kissed her hard, hungrily. Her mouth was hot and spicy, the
taste of _Mountain Dew_ lingering on her tongue as it greedily
swept over mine. Alexa put all of her weight onto my torso
and slammed me down into the bed with a sexy thud. She ground
her pelvis upon my abdomen as I sat up, our kiss still ongoing.
Her right hand slid underneath my t-shirt and began roaming.
I held my breath as her little, manicured hand found my chest,
my heart, and scraped away with long, sharp fingernails.
"Touch me," she pleaded against my lips.
I moved my hands down her sides and around her waist, and
then clamped down on her ass. I kneaded and caressed it as
Alexa's movements became more exaggerated, more deeply urgent.
She rubbed her pelvis quick and roughly into my abdomen. I
kissed her jaw, her neck. When Alexa boldly lifted her
halter top and I got my first ever glimpse of her in a bra, I
seriously thought that I had died and gone to Heaven.
"Jesus, you're beautiful," was all I could say.
"I've wanted this since the day I met you." Alexa sealed
her confession with another steamy kiss. My erection was
straining against my boxer shorts and touching her thigh. "I
love you, Jeremy. Why do you think I told you that I was a
virgin during our date at the bowling alley that one night?
That was like, less than a week after I met you, even." She
devoured my mouth with hot, wanton intensity. "I trust you."
I reached down and pulled at my t-shirt, desperate for the
skin-to-skin contact.
"You said you want to marry me one day." Alexa tossed her
head back and sighed as I nipped at her neck with my mouth.
Still, she kept talking. "I remember those words so vividly.
I want to marry you too, Jeremy. God, I love you." I slid a
bra strap from her shoulder and even kissed her arm. "I want to
have your babies and forever grow old with you!" I leaned over
and kissed at Alexa's rib cage, her stomach, her kidney area.
"I'm not like most girls my age, Jeremy, and you know that.
I grew up alone, without any brothers or sisters. I learned
to take care of myself at a very early age because Mom and Dad
were always working. Dad worked THREE jobs just so we could
make it when I was little." I groped and tugged, relishing in
the feel of her skin against mine, needing it. "I was sick,
and came within an eyelash of DYING in the hospital when I was
15. I... I grew up in a hurry. I think I'm pretty mature for
my years, and I... I know... I know what I want."
"And I want to give my virginity to you. I want..."
"Please tell me to continue," I begged, my fingers on the
front clasp of her bra. I kissed Alexa again and motioned
toward my fingers. "Give me the permission to keep going."
"Take it off," she told me without hesitation.
Lush, pink nipples came into view. I touched my forehead
to her chest and breathed deeply, drinking her in.
"Lexi, once I start, there's no going back. We can't undo
this. You... your first time only happens once."
"I want you to be the first and last man I'm ever with,"
she said huskily. "Stop thinking, Jeremy. Stop worrying."
"Lexi, I have loved you since the moment I saw you in the
coffee shop that morning. I don't want to screw this up,
and honestly, I'm so deep in guilt and worry right now that
I'm not even sure where my head will be tomorrow after this.
I could never, ever hurt you."
"Our hearts belong to each other now," she said gently,
confidently, "and that's all that matters." Alexa guided my
lips toward one of her tiny, swollen nipples, and she sighed
when I closed the deal and went in for a taste. "Whatever
happens after this, Jeremy, we will figure it out together."
I soon took her mouth in another needful, blistering kiss,
feeling as if my heart might just implode within my chest.
Alexa's eyes - her gorgeous, seductive eyes - were drenched
with so much love and trust that I lost my ability to think.
Yet I had to, I forced myself to, as my hands gently cupped and
massaged her milky, little breasts. Alexa groped and touched
and clawed at me. I loved her soft curves against my body and
could not help but to lower her pelvis onto my crotch as I
claimed another kiss. The desire to be with her, to be one;
to touch and love her slowly, passionately, hard, soft, deep,
my lips seeking her hot flesh, her mouth, enjoying it all.
For the first time in my life, I felt overwhelmed.
Alexa was kissing me with intense desire and wanton need,
clawing at my back, my sides, even my ass. She ground her
center against my hard, rigid length through multiple layers
of clothing, like she was frantic to have me inside of her.
I pried my mouth away from hers, but could not stay away for
long. I had to possess her mouth again, her jaw, the delicate
skin of her neck. The air left my lungs in a hurry, spurring
me to suck and lick and taste with wild, reckless abandon.
"Jeremy," she whispered, bringing my mind back into focus.
Her lips curled up into the most radiant smile I had ever seen.
I brushed hair from her forehead. "Am I going too fast?
Please tell me if I am, and I will slow down."
"No," Alexa answered. "I just..." She smiled once more.
"I just wanted to kiss you again."
I shifted my body and took control, moving Alexa beneath
me. But, above all else (believe it or not), I paid special
attention to her right foot and where it was at all times.
I was not about to let her ankle feel any discomfort
whatsoever, and ruin what was truly a magical moment for us.
The best moment.
Better than I ever dreamed it could possibly be.
I slid my hands through Alexa's sumptuous blonde hair, the
tresses fanned out and spread across the pillow beneath me.
Just like I fantasized last night. This time, I lowered my
lips to hers and kissed her tenderly, slowly, lovingly. I
moved a hand back to one of her breasts and caressed it.
Yet, I was still not close enough to Alexa. Would I ever be?
I kissed her nose, her eyebrows, her forehead, her eyes.
"I've been waiting my entire life for you to come along."
I licked at her earlobe and she sighed, shivered even. "I
love hearing those noises from you. I want to hear more."
Alexa's hands found my back and she pressed her lips to
mine for another barrage of kisses. She was overly demanding
this time with her mouth, kissing me urgently, rocking her
hips about upon the bed. My bed. I did not know if it was
possible to want this girl more than I already did in this
particular moment, to crave her like a drug, an addiction.
"Take the rest of my clothes off, Jeremy," she pleaded.
"My shorts, my panties, even my one sock. Everything."
I unbuttoned her cutoff denims and glided them down her
slender hips and coltish legs, and the pit of my stomach
flamed at the sight of her creamy skin against her white,
lacey panties. How many times had I dreamed of this very
moment? Yet my dreams did not come anywhere close to how
stunningly perfect Alexa was. I took a moment to admire her
beauty and catch my breath. The passion and the innocence in
her eyes as she gazed up at me, combined with the frantic
pulse point beating on her neck, nearly took me over the edge.
"Hey, baby," I whispered at her. "Hey, sweetie. There is
absolutely no reason for you to be shy right now. You're the
only woman I want. I love you." She made eye contact with
me, and I kissed her.
"I want to see all of you, Lexi."
She nodded, pushing at the waistband of her panties. I
gently moved her hands to her sides and kissed my way down
her flat belly, feeling her breathing quicken and constrict
as I went lower. I lifted my eyes to hers, making sure she
was okay, and ready to proceed. The hot, smoldering glare
of sexuality in her baby blues told me all I needed to know.
I kissed the waistband of her panties.
"Jeremy," she mewed.
I slid her panties downward and tossed them to the floor,
along with her shorts and that lone offending sock. Seeing
Alexa beneath me without a single stitch of clothing on,
save for that bandage wrap around her right ankle and foot,
set my entire body aflame. Yet it was the trust in her eyes
that made my heart swell, and my body vibrate.
She pulled at my boxers and I stood up quickly, tugging
them off. I was completely bare just like that; Alexa's
sweet, innocent eyes rolled over me, and she licked her moist,
ruby-red lips at the sight of my hard, throbbing cock.
"Jeremy?" She leaned up to kiss my chest. "Jeremy, can
we switch places?"
"Sweetheart, we can do whatever you want."
I dutifully rolled onto my back. Alexa got onto her side,
but kept her injured ankle out and extended away as her
slender, little fingers traced the contours of my chest.
Her mouth followed her fingertips, and it was transcendent
torture. She slid her tongue across my midriff, my abdomen,
her hands now clutching my sides. Then she blew gently on
the wet, slick trail, sending goosebumps right up my spine.
"Holy fuck," I ground out.
The 19-year-old was tormenting me, taunting me, yet at the
same time, exploring curiously, discovering. Alexa made me
feel so special and filled my heart with incredible emotions.
I only hoped that I did the same for her.
"Merissa says she does this with her boyfriend," Alexa
whispered, as I watched her drag that heavenly tongue past
my waistline. For a moment, Alexa met my gaze and then slicked
her tongue over the hard, sensitive head of my erection. It
took all of my determination to keep from flipping her over
and having my way with her! I fisted my hands in the bed sheet
as Alexa giggled and swiped at the head of my cock yet again.
Very gently, innocently even, she stroked its full length with
her right hand and kissed at my belly button.
"You're going to give me a heart attack."
Her hand flew off of my shaft. "Sorry."
I pulled her against me with a soft laugh. "Don't be. And
don't worry. You're just making me so hot that I can barely
stand it." I actually did roll her under me this time and
seized control of her lips. "You don't get any more taste
tests of me until I get more of you."
I glanced down at the gentle wisps of blonde curls between
her tender, perfect thighs. "You're trembling. You scared?"
"No. Never with you."
I lowered my mouth to one of her breasts and sucked its
nipple into my mouth. She writhed and arched hard into me.
I moved my hand between the cleft of her legs.
"Oh, honey. You're so wet."
As I tenderly stroked her sweet spot, our mouths crashed
together yet again. She rocked her hips, driving her center
into my palm and exhaling tiny, sexy sounds that nearly made
me orgasm by themselves. I took her breast into my mouth
and marveled at the way she panted with excess need. I slid
my fingers along her clitoris, teasing it. Alexa opened her
eyes and met my gaze. I brought my fingers to my mouth and
sucked her juices from them. "You liked seeing that, huh?"
Her cheeks became red. "I like everything with you."
Alexa dug her fingers into my shoulders as I moved south
for a little exploration of my own. I parted the damp folds
of her pussy lips with both thumbs and offered it a very
slow, leisurely swipe with my tongue.
"Want me to stop?"
"NO!" she whined. "More! God, so good."
I slicked my tongue over her crevice again, harder,
further, then into her, needing more. Needing all of her.
I covered Alexa's quivering pussy with my mouth and teased
her swollen, engorged clitoris with my thumb.
"Oh God, Jeremy." She sighed, digging her fingernails,
those sharp claws, into my shoulders. She buried her left
foot into the mattress, but kept her right out and at bay.
I slid two fingers into her and Alexa nearly came apart.
"OhmyGodohmyGodohmyGodohmyGod."
Her head slammed back against the mattress, and her hips
flew off of the bed. I pressed them back down and continued
licking, worshiping Alexa as best as I could, as she now
panted out my name. Repeatedly. I did not stop until the
last shudder of pleasure had rippled throughout her beautiful
body. Only then did I withdraw my lips, my fingers.
"Don't worry, honey. I'm going to make you orgasm again
and again tonight. I promise you." I moved northward and
claimed her mouth in a truly blissful kiss. Alexa pulled
back and made a sour face, and I chuckled to myself.
"Sorry." I wiped the fruits of her orgasm from my lips.
Yet she brought me back into another kiss just as quickly,
going slow at first, perhaps adjusting to the taste of her
own release. I felt Alexa's heart pounding within her chest,
just like mine. She pulled back and gazed into my eyes.
"Sorry. I'm not used to that."
I frowned. "I shouldn't have assumed."
Alexa shook her head. "Don't be sorry. I want you to
assume. I'll get used to it." She leaned in and kissed
me. "Touch me more. Make me yours."
Yet, I sensed one last hurdle forthcoming. Yes. "Are you
sure, honey, you want to go through with this?"
"I'm one hundred and fifty percent sure." When Alexa saw
the lingering hint of doubt and hesitation in my eyes, she
sighed. "Look at me. Dammit Jeremy, look at me. Stop trying
to overthink this. I KNOW how you are. I'm not one of those
girls who is wrapped up in keeping her virginity intact, making
it sacred. My body is not a temple. I've been through a lot
in my life and, up until now, this was never a priority for me.
It was never something I even thought about because, until I met
you, I was never even in love before. At all."
I let those words sink in and register for a moment or two.
"I love you with every ounce of my being," I eventually said.
"Loving you - being in love with you - isn't the issue. I just
don't want to hurt you."
She leaned up and kissed me. "Go slow, then."
All of the tension within my body seemed to glide away all
at once. I reached into the nightstand next to the bed and
pulled a condom out of its wrapper. Although I had not needed
one for over a year now, it felt like slipping into an old pair
of shoes, and I was able to secure the protective material into
place without interrupting our kiss, or our connection. Nothing
I had not done in the past.
"I love you so much, Lexi."
"I know you do." She shifted her eyes toward my erection and
the condom that covered it. "Now show me just how much."
Feelings bigger than need, more consuming than want, even more
powerful than love, if that was possible, overtook me all at once.
Alexa's body arched up to meet mine as I came down over her again.
I brought my mouth to hers in a tender exchange as my hips nudged
forward. My hard cock stretched her, filling her a little at a
time. Then I withdrew and began again, just a little harder, a
tad deeper. The pressure did not seem to be uncomfortable for
Alexa at all. She continued to kiss me.
"You okay?"
"Don't stop. It feels so good. Jeremy. Don't stop."
Our tongues moved in perfect unison. Emotion was pouring from
every inch of my heart, my soul. Her hips moved with mine. Alexa
tilted them up as I sank deeper into her hot, exquisite wetness.
"Perfect. But we're going to have to practice a LOT."
My hands snuck beneath her hips and held her at what seemed to
be the best possible angle as our lips came together again. Lost
in the kiss and the feeling of fulfillment, Alexa's hands traveled
up and down my back as her knees spread and fell open beneath me.
I memorized everything I could, just how she liked to arch and
rock and - oh dear - how good that one, particular move felt.
"OhGodohGodohGodohGod."
"That's it, honey. Cum for me. I'm not going to last long.
You're so tight. I can't."
"You'll..." She panted through what seemed like the most
incredible, sweetest orgasm. "Make it up... oh God, this is
FUCKING AMAZING... to me. I know you will, Jeremy!"
I grinned. "As often as you want me to."
I smothered her lips with mine one final time and my rhythm
quickened, yet I still kept it nice and steady. I drove in
deep, possessively, and felt every muscle tighten within my body.
I roared out like a ferocious beast and grunted through my own
release. When the last tremor passed, I held Alexa close until
our breathing calmed, and evened out. Wordlessly, I slid away
and took care of the condom. Then I gathered Alexa's satisfied,
seemingly boneless body, and held her in my arms.
I showered Alexa with gentle kisses on her lips, her cheeks,
her forehead, her shoulders, cradling her against me. I knew
that beyond a shadow of a doubt, THIS was what love was. Not
just sex or memorable and incredible, earth-shattering orgasms,
but feeling convinced that this was the woman that I wanted to
spend the rest of my life. Pledge myself to. Marriage. Kids.
White picket fences. Everything there was, and more.
"What are you laughing about?" Alexa soon asked me, totally
breathless, but with a curious smirk upon her face.
I chuckled and shook my head. This decision was too easy.
I was not letting Alexa out of my sight - or my bed - anytime
soon. No way, no how. "About how upset tomorrow's patients
are going to be when I cancel all of their appointments, too..."
<<<- End of Chapter 08 ->>>
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"Recollections"
(c) 2017 Kaadorix
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