[[[-RECOLLECTIONS09.TXT-]]]
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Recollections
Written by: Kaadorix
M/F, F/F and a whole lot more
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Chapter 09: "Demisexual"
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-*- Sunday, April 30, 2017 -*-
-*- Lake Quivira, Kansas -*-
I kissed Madison's forehead before tiptoeing out of the
bedroom just in front of Merissa. It was a nightly ritual,
actually, and something I remember my parents doing when I
was a small boy too. Sure, Dad worked long, endless hours
every single day on the farm it seemed, but he and Mom always
made one-on-one time for my siblings and I whenever he could.
It was nothing new, but it took some serious effort to get
Madison to actually fall asleep on this beautiful Sunday
evening. Though not even age two yet, Madison usually needed
me to read her a bed-time story to ultimately help settle her
down. Otherwise, she wanted nothing to do with bed-time.
Merissa closed the door softly and let out a gentle sigh.
"I was afraid that Madi was never going to fall asleep. She
has been so excited and wound up today."
I smiled. "Then I must have a boring voice. Madi fell
asleep even before I finished reading the book."
Merissa laughed as she made her way into the kitchen. "I'm
sure that's it, Jeremy. You're just a total and complete
bore! Yet how do you keep two wives interested and happy at
all times, always making us wanting to come back for more?"
And just like that, with Merissa out of view, my happy mood
vanished, replaced by an even mixture of sadness and confusion.
I dropped onto the sofa in the living room, feeling depressed
about my father's recent death.
I was also still trying to make sense of that _dream_ I
had yesterday morning where my father and I were at the
ballpark in Kansas City, and he urged me to reconcile with
Mom after two-and-a-half years of anger and separation. In
the dream, Dad actually gave me his blessing for my marriage
and lifestyle choices with Alexa and Merissa, and our kids.
Dad even told me that in addition to Asher, my forthcoming
son with Merissa who was going to be born in just a few weeks,
Alexa would become pregnant later this year and then give
birth to a little girl, Brooklyn, sometime next summer.
But... was that actually a dream?
I had never given much thought into the idea of ghosts, per
se, and whether or not they existed. I had zero knowledge of
anything pertaining to the supernatural, yet I did believe
that family connections were strong and, under the correct
circumstances, could transcend mortality and immortality.
What I experienced yesterday morning, I was becoming more
and more convinced, was something too powerful to be a dream.
Did Dad's ethereal being visit my mind while I was sleeping?
Call me crazy if you want, but as of right now, I honestly did
not know WHAT that was yesterday morning.
Or did I?
"You want a drink, baby?" Merissa called from the kitchen,
totally oblivious to the way I felt at the moment. Or so I
thought. "You can have a bottled water if you like. There is
also some orange juice and some of Lexi's energy mix left."
While I had never been much of an alcohol drinker, an
entire bottle of something harsh and strong seemed like the
perfect elixir for me. A euphoric oblivion would be nice
right about now. Was I losing my mind? Had I actually
convinced myself that my father, who I just watched be buried
a mere 48 hours ago, came to visit me in some sort of
paranormal encounter? That it was his way of settling our
differences, and finding peace with me? "Water's fine."
Straightening myself upright, I struggled to calm my
nerves and act normal before Merissa made her way back into
the living room. I had spent the majority of the day
playing with the kids, Cooper (who was already fast asleep)
and Madison, while Merissa and I hung out around the house and
otherwise relaxed. Alexa was out doing something with her own
parents, having fun with them, but would be home soon enough.
I had a little time to myself to think earlier when
Merissa, at eight months pregnant, fell asleep as I held
and comforted her in bed. I still could not believe that
Dad was gone. Yet that dream - or was it a dream? - boggled
my mind. Dad seemed so real, so vibrant, so full of life in...
whatever that was. A dream? An encounter? Did Dad actually
_cross over_, as they say, to bid a proper farewell to me?
Now, Dad was in his eternal resting place - buried in a
cemetery in the village of Valley Falls, Kansas. Earlier -
while alone with Merissa, but with her sleeping (and the kids
taking a quick nap) - I found myself becoming quite emotional.
I am not afraid to admit that I had a hard, forceful cry. I
missed Dad so much. I was hurt, angry, confused.
Merissa entered the living room with two bottles of water
and nodded her head toward the front door. "Let's go sit on
the patio and enjoy the evening sunlight. Bring the little,
hand-held remote receiver out with you in case Cooper or Madi
wake up and start crying, and need attention."
Merissa was a big fan of sunrises and sunsets. In this
part of the country, during this time of the year, the days
never seemed long enough. Sunrise was generally around 6:30am,
and sunset did not come along until 8:30pm or thereabouts. I
much preferred daylight to the shroud of darkness.
Merissa smiled sweetly before turning and walking toward the
front door. I studied her as she moved and mentally noted all
of the ways she had changed in the three years she had been
living with Alexa and yours truly, romantically linked to us.
The Merissa who moved in with us in February 2014 did not
have the same grace, or confidence. She did not move with the
kind of ease that Merissa was moving with now. And she
certainly did not walk around in lavish, button-up maternity
blouses (and not much else), showcasing a lot of tanned, toned
legs in the process. Those bare feet of hers... were so pretty.
Swallowing hard, I got up from the sofa and followed Merissa.
Unable to resist, I placed my hand on the small of her back
when we reached the closed doorway, leaning around her to
turn the knob. The scent of flowers with undertones of sweet
lavender assaulted my senses when my head passed her.
What type of perfume was that? And why didn't I smell it
when she and I put Madison down in her crib earlier? Did
Merissa apply it in the kitchen, of all places, while getting
us drinks? Did she dab new perfume on just for me?
Whatever the case, I inhaled deeply and followed close
behind when Merissa walked out onto the patio, not removing my
hand from her back. Perhaps it was a possessive hand, but I
needed something to latch onto with all of these conflicting
emotions racing throughout my mind at the moment. Mourning the
loss of my father. Wondering if my brain was playing tricks on
me with wild dreams and/or illusions. Trying to figure out how
I would go about making peace with Mom who, aside from a few,
choice, tender words at the funeral, I had not spoken to in
two-and-a-half years, either.
It was necessary that I release my 25-year-old wife,
although my fingers itched and ached to touch Merissa further.
What type of a companion would I be tonight with the mental
shape I was in? Truth be told, I should just go back to bed
and comfort Merissa because she had been feeling a bit under
the weather earlier today. Or maybe she should comfort me?
Of course, this Merissa differed vastly from the Merissa
who came to live with Alexa and yours truly in 2014. In
addition to all of the subtle changes between then and now
that I noted earlier, I should also point out that in 2014,
Merissa was coming off of a three week stint in the hospital
and trauma center thanks to her ex-fiance, Grayson.
Oh, Grayson. That guy had a legendary, hair-trigger temper.
He and Merissa were actually already dating when I first met
Alexa on June 24, 2010, at the coffee shop over in Basehor.
Alexa never approved of Merissa's relationship with Grayson
(not many people did, actually). Personally, I wondered what
would happen if Grayson, with his brooding style and constant
sheen of anger, would one day snap and cause harm to Merissa.
Grayson was always on edge, and seemed very mentally unstable.
He was constantly angry and in a terrible, foul mood.
On January 25, 2014, Alexa and I, with Cooper being just
barely two weeks old, received word on a cold, chilly Saturday
night that Merissa had been rushed by paramedics to the level
one trauma center at _The University of Kansas Medical Center_
in downtown Kansas City, Kansas. Grayson had snapped.
The couple, him 23 and her 22 at the time, were just a few
months away from getting married. Merissa and Grayson got
into an argument about finances or, more specifically, failure
to pay their bills. Merissa wondered how come Grayson had used
the $300 she had given him on alcohol and video games instead
of to help take a chunk out of their electric bill, which was
now at over $1,000 from months of unpaid dues. The power
company had been threatening to cut the electric for over six
weeks if they did not start making steady payments.
In the middle of the argument, the power actually was cut.
Only Merissa and Grayson truly know what was said between
them, but what _I_ know was that Grayson went into a rage,
and punched Merissa twice. She fell down in a heap, and the
impact of hitting the floor shattered her right wrist. Grayson,
a former star athlete in high school at 225 pounds of solid
muscle, continued to rage, apparently, and put the 107 pound
Merissa into a choke-hold and nearly strangled her to death.
He also slammed her face into the floor.
Grayson relented, perhaps realizing what he had done, and
called for emergency medical assistance immediately. Yet he
raged again when help arrived, refusing to let go of the
beaten and battered Merissa. He thought she was better off
with him than the paramedics. It took three police officers to
pry him away from her so they could put her in the ambulance.
Merissa had a broken wrist.
A fractured jaw.
Needed separate surgeries to repair both.
Severe bruising on her face, including a nasty black eye.
A concussion.
And acute pulmonary edema, a condition caused by excess
fluid in the lungs in conjunction with sudden chest trauma.
Merissa nearly died that night in the hospital before they
were able to stabilize her, and slowly nurse her back to health.
She had wounds on her neck from where Grayson strangulated her.
It was not the first time he had assaulted her, either. The
first (in 2013) was nowhere near as bad (yet still horrendous)
and the local authorities had it on record, and now knew that
Grayson would do it again. Simply put, Grayson needed to be
stopped, and they made an all-out effort to ensure that he would.
After a prolonged legal process that saw delay after delay,
Grayson [Last Name] was convicted of domestic assault in the
first degree (intent to kill) in 2015, and sentenced to 27
years in prison. He is currently serving at the United States
Penitentiary in Leavenworth, Kansas. I hope he never gets out.
Back in the present moment, and on an uplifting note, I
decided that I could not resist the temptation to spend a little
time outside with Merissa on this cool, crisp Sunday evening.
We had the baby monitor in case either of the kids needed us.
The peaceful night was a picture-perfect postcard as the setting
sun flickered between the tall, majestic trees here at lake's
edge. I glanced at Merissa under the guise of taking a
swig of water, unsurprised to find her gazing out at the view.
Lake Quivira was peaceful, quiet, serene... as always.
Without looking my way, Merissa said, "What is wrong with
you tonight, Jeremy? Why do you seem so tense and uneasy?"
"Uneasy? I am not un..."
"Don't even try." Merissa tossed her long tumbles of
russet-brown hair, with their blonde streaks, over her
shoulder and tilted her folded legs toward me, finally
looking my way. "You're my husband, Jeremy, and I love you.
I KNOW you, too. There is something off with you. I can
tell. You're still feeling the effects of the funeral?"
"Yes," I admitted. "But I have other issues."
Merissa's supple, warm fingers curled around my hand.
"Talk to me, baby. You know I'll always be here for you."
I took a deep breath. "I miss my father."
I felt a surge of emotion as Merissa squeezed my hand
tighter. "I know you do, Jeremy. I know you do. You want to
put on your happy face, as you have around the kids, because
you do not want to bring them down." Merissa placed her head
on my shoulder. "But I know it hurts you, baby. Lexi and I
both do. You and I are alone now. Want to talk about it?"
There was several seconds of strained silence between us,
because I felt too hurt to even speak now.
"I never really got to know your dad," Merissa offered,
"but Lexi says her favorite thing about him - before things
went south - was that he was always so nice and humble. And
every time Lexi talked to William... and now I'm gonna cry."
Merissa became emotional for a brief moment, but she was able
to harness and control it. "William was always humble, Lexi
said, and every time she left a conversation with him, she...
was always grateful for what she had. Lexi said that he often
shared how hard it was for him in life, how hard he had to
work for the things that he had, especially when he was much
younger. Once, Lexi went out to eat with William and Cooper
back in 2014. Lunch cost them $200, and William was floored.
Lexi took him to a really nice restaurant downtown."
I found myself chuckling at that. "Dad never could get
over the price of food at certain restaurants."
"So the meal was $200, and Lexi left the waitress a $200
tip," Merissa added. "William was like OHHHHH... that is a
lot of money. Alexa, are you crazy? Tipping the same as the
actual cost of the meal? Did Jeremy teach you that? I only
thought Jeremy was that foolish!"
"Sounds like him."
"William always worked so hard for whatever he had in life,"
Merissa continued. "Again, I did not know him all that well,
but that's the one thing I will always remember about him, and
take with me. I want to instill that in Madison, Cooper, Asher.
You have to work hard, but sometimes you don't get a lot for it.
Sometimes life is rough. Most of all, you have to be grateful
for the things that you do have in life."
More silence, because I did not feel like talking again...
"William was a great man, Jeremy," Merissa finally said,
running her hand up and down my arm now. "He was also your
father. I know you had your differences with him. He did
not approve of me at all. But it's okay to talk about him,
and feel sad that he is gone. I'm not the type to sit here
and hold a grudge because William did not like me. He was
your dad and, right now, that's all that really matters. I
am not here now to render opinions and point fingers." My
defenses began to break with those words. "You don't always
have to be the big, strong man; the unwavering rock, the
foundation, of the family. It's okay to feel, and hurt."
Merissa's soft words hung in the air between us. She knew me
so well. Merissa could read my every reaction and instinctively
understand me. Dare I say it, but even better than Alexa could.
Merissa was that zeroed-in, that intuitive.
"Facing the loss of a loved one, especially a parent, is
never easy," she told me. "You don't have to talk about it,
Jeremy, if you don't want to. But I'd be happy to listen.
You know, I lost my dad when I was just seven. Still hurts.
I lost my younger brother, Colton, last year, too."
Merissa stayed silent, holding my hand for several long
minutes. I was close to losing it, but honestly did not want
to. No amount of anguish, sorrow or tears would bring Dad
back to me. Right now, Dad was in Heaven, and he was yelling
at me to snap out of it. I just know he was. Be positive,
don't dwell on the negative. He would want me to continue on
and go forward with my life.
Finally I reached my opposite hand across the space
separating us, gently pushing strands of wayward brown hair
from Merissa's cheek. The feel of her soft, delicate skin upon
my fingertips sent soft tremors coursing throughout me. When
my thumb caressed her lower lip, Merissa kissed it lovingly.
"I'm just so lucky to have a wife like you, Merissa, to help
guide me through troubled times like this." My voice was
gentle, almost a whisper. "I so want to kiss you right now."
While Merissa was obviously well aware of the fact that this
was my way of avoiding the subject of my father, and any
other issues I was currently facing, she would never turn
down the opportunity to feel my lips on hers. Merissa was very
nonresistant, passive; too passive, even, and often conformed
to me and whatever I wanted her to do.
At times - like now, even - I wished Merissa was more like
Alexa, who would stand up to me - and insist that I talk about
Dad, and cycle through my thoughts and emotions, my ongoing
grief. It was really my best therapy now. But...
I leaned over the low arm of the patio chair, wrapping my
hand around the base of Merissa's neck and drawing her slowly
to me. I chose not to close my eyes, staring into hers, trying
to draw strength from them. They were so brown, so pretty. I
stopped just a millimeter or two from Merissa's face, holding
still and gazing at her. My thumb now rubbed in long sweeps
from the bottom of her neck down her upper spine.
Cradling my face with both hands, Merissa closed her eyes and
tilted her head, cutting the gap between her mouth and mine.
Merissa's lips were plump and pliable with the perfect taste
of sweetness. Both of my hands moved up and down her back,
igniting delicious sparks of desire throughout my own body.
I was not demanding or pushy with the kiss, another hallmark
of mine whenever Merissa and I got together like this. As was
often the case, I treated Merissa like a gift. Considering her
stormy past with Grayson, it was the smart thing for me to do.
As much as I wanted to grab her bottom and fondle her breasts,
I did not. Quite simply, part of me was not in the mood.
I kept my mouth closed during the kiss, not wanting to
explore her mouth with my tongue. It was quite pleasurable
regardless, but I was actually having second thoughts.
Giving an impatient moan, Merissa opened her mouth, sucking on
my bottom lip and sliding her hands down my chest. When Merissa
began to unbutton the maternity shirt that she wore, which no
doubt would reveal those luscious breasts to me, I broke away.
Merissa fluttered her eyes open and seemed shocked to find me
redoing the three buttons on the top of the pretty blouse. What?
I was actually buttoning Merissa back up? It was one of my
favorite and most exquisite shirts of hers to wear, actually,
but Merissa looked quite good in it. No need to change that.
"Is something wrong?" she asked, two fingers touching her
lips, once I finished the final button.
"You've shared all of your problems, your fears, with me.
I should not avoid doing the same with you." I took a deep,
ragged breath. The face, the presentation, I had worked so
hard to maintain over the past week faded instantly, and was
replaced by a somber look and defeated eyes. Finally, it was
time to stop running. "I miss my father, Merissa. I cannot
believe that he... is gone. And it hurts... so, so m-much."
Merissa grabbed my hand and drew it to her face, pressing a
kiss against my palm. "It's okay, Jeremy. It's okay." She
hesitated, then added, "What can I do to make you feel better?"
Those words hit me like a ton of bricks.
How many times had I asked Merissa that same, exact question
in the past when she was battling her own struggles and issues?
When she was recovering from multiple surgeries back in 2014?
When her loving heart was shattered by an abusive ex-fiance,
and she had to learn to trust and put her faith in others again?
Holy hell; the roles were reversed now. What can I do to make
you feel better? That was once my typical, standard question
for her; my go-to, on the days when Merissa was struggling most
in the past. Now, she was asking me it...
"Hudson was like, screaming, when he called last week and
told me that our dad was dead," I recollected. Hudson, by the
way, was my oldest brother at age 53. "I just... could not
believe what Hudson was saying to me." And now, the dam did
burst. I lost control of myself, and began crying right in
front of Merissa. "As a kid, that was always my worst fear -
to hear that one or both of my parents had d-died. As an
adult, you never, ever want to get that phone call... and it
was some-something that I honestly felt I would never get."
Merissa rubbed her hand up and down my back in succession,
but chose to stay silent. She wanted me to keep talking.
"I just remember being in complete shock. I did not know
how to co-comprehend it and I was just, alone, and I couldn't
breathe. That was the morning when Lexi was working that
overtime shift at the gym, and you were in the kitchen with
the kids, making breakfast. I walked downstairs in a d-daze
and I was in complete shock, like I said, and I felt like I
was going to vomit. Then I saw you, Merissa, and told you
the horrible, horrible news."
"It's been a long eight days, yet it still does not feel
real at all to me," I sniffed. "It just feels like... like
Dad is on v-v-v-vacation. At his home in Pleasant Grove, he
was always doing something. He was never sitting down, being
still. He was ALWAYS getting something done, being productive.
He loved swimming, going horseback riding, hiking..."
"I just... it does not feel real to me. I am still in the
disbelief stage, even though I went to the funeral and I
watched them bury him. I just feel... like Dad is going to
call me any m-minute. Or he will walk in the door for another
of his surprise visits like he used to, and all of this will
be a bad dream. EVERYTHING will be a bad dream." Including,
of course, the bitter separation since December 2014.
"The hardest thing for me is that Dad's absence is so...
drowning. It's so deafening. His presence for me... his
presence for me... was just so... so... immense. Even with
our differences, I still knew he was out there. And now... his
absence is daunting." I turned away from Merissa for an instant
as a powerful onslaught of tears overtook me. "Just... just
knowing... that I'm never g-going to b-b-be able to go... to
make peace with him. I feel... I feel so empty inside."
I pinned my face upon Merissa's shoulder and started bawling.
I had the urge to open up and be totally honest with Merissa,
of course, but one thing I had decided to hold back on was
telling her about the dream/illusion/encounter/whatever-it-was
concerning my father yesterday morning. Oh, I wanted to tell
Merissa, and explain how real it seemed to me. Did Dad's spirit
actually come and visit me while I was sleeping? The more I
thought about it, the more convinced I was becoming.
I was not concerned that in telling Merissa of my beliefs
she would think that I had fallen off the deep end, and
needed mental help. No, that was not why I had chosen to
stay silent thus far. Rather, it was because of something
Dad said right before I bolted upright in bed yesterday
morning, and shifted back into reality. "Tell Merissa that
her dad is watching over her at all times, and he COULD NOT
BE PROUDER of the young woman she has matured into, and the
fact she has found happiness with you and Alexa."
Could I actually bring myself to say that to Merissa? I
was losing my mind (perhaps) and having vivid hallucinations
(perhaps), yet actually believed in what I saw yesterday. I
truly believed somehow, all of that was real.
If I were to say that to Merissa about her own father, who
died 18 years ago this very month - that my father claimed he
continually watched over her from Heaven like an angel, a
guardian spirit, and was proud of her - Merissa would break
down on the spot and start crying uncontrollably. She did not
have many memories of her father since he passed away when she
was so young, yet what Merissa did have, she cherished. Her
father and his memory, his legacy, was sacred to her.
Yet Merissa was eight months pregnant and did not any more
stress in her life. She had enough already, often feeling
sick and unsettled with the pregnancy, and now having to deal
with my own grief. Thus, I decided not to tell Merissa about
the visitation from Dad. One day I would, but not now.
"Why don't you go back to work tomorrow, baby? It would
probably do you a lot of good to get back into your normal
routine. Get your mind off of your father for awhile."
"No," I told Merissa, shaking my head. "Not yet." The
crying fit, though monumental while it lasted, passed quickly.
"I think I am going to take this entire week off, too."
"Okay," Merissa relented, gently kissing me on the cheek.
"I suppose your friend from the hospital can continue to see
your patients until you're ready to go back to work." She
smiled, then kissed my forehead. "Maybe next week?"
"Probably."
"Did I ever tell you, Jeremy, that I love the physician part
of you? I love how you care about your patients and that you
read over their charts at night so you're prepared for the next
day. But I'm also glad that when Cooper was born three years
ago, you cut back on your hours and workload so you could spend
more time at home with him and Lexi, and eventually me and Madi."
I touched my forehead to Merissa's and closed my eyes for a
moment. How had I gotten lucky enough to find not one, but two
women who accepted me for the workaholic that I was? Neither
Merissa or Alexa ever felt any neglect when I was forced to stay
an hour or more extra at the medical office on work days. They
understood how important caring for my patients was to me. It
was my livelihood, and how I provided for our family.
It did help, though, that I cut my scheduled shifts from ten
hours to nine shortly after Cooper was born. I was usually home
by 4:30pm, yet no later than 6:00pm, on a typical work day. I
wanted to be home every evening, marveling at every milestone
and every smile of the little people that Merissa, Alexa and I
helped bring into this world together. That was also the only
reason why I gave up on my season tickets for the Royals. My
time was better spent at home with my awesome, little family.
"You said Mike is going on vacation to Colorado?"
"Yes," I answered, referring to my best friend and business
partner. Normally Mike would see my patients if I could not
make it into the office for whatever reason, but he was in the
middle of a two week vacation himself, and was leaving in the
morning to go visit family with his wife and toddler son. Thus,
I had another doctor filling in for me while I was on funeral
leave. Wayne had been a friend of mine for several years, too.
Merissa rubbed my shoulder with a mischievous grin. "It's
still hard to fathom that Mike actually settled down, and got
married. Mike used to be so wild and crazy back in the day -
going out with girl after girl - but now he is a dedicated
husband and father, a bona-fide family man. Unbelievable."
I actually chuckled, remembering Mike and his playboy
persona from not too long ago. "It just took Mike awhile to
find his forever person. Oh, he will never admit it. At
least to me, that is. But Mike and his outlook began to
change once I married Alexa in 2011. He saw how happy I was,
and Mike quickly realized he wanted that feeling too. Mike
spent all of his energy searching, reaching, hoping to one
day find the right woman for him. The woman who would knock
his socks off, and make him forget all of the others."
Merissa smiled. "Mike and Pamela go perfect together.
She loves him so much, and he loves her completely, totally,
unequivocally. And they have an adorable little son."
"I agree. Pamela pushes Mike in all the ways he needs,
and she doesn't let him get away with hiding one single
emotion. She is so well suited for him."
With the sound of an automobile approaching and coming
closeby, I looked up and smiled at the sight of Alexa's
brand new 2017 _Tesla Model S_, a luxury vehicle that was
candy apple red, as it pulled into our driveway. I dabbed
at my eyes and even wiped them with the sleeve of my shirt,
not wanting Alexa to know that I had been crying about the
sudden and shocking loss of my father (again).
Merissa lovingly grasped my knee and smiled at me for a
moment before glancing out toward the driveway.
"Hey guys," Alexa greeted us, stepping out of the car,
finally home from a long day out with her parents. Alexa's
blonde curls cascaded downward in thick, spiral ropes across
her tanned, slender shoulders. She wore a royal-blue halter
dress that fell to the middle of her thighs, revealing sleek,
luscious legs. As always, Alexa - as well as Merissa - was
generally the cure for whatever ailed me.
"Hey baby," Merissa waved at her.
"Kids asleep?" When I nodded at Alexa, she approached us
with two full shopping bags hooked on her right arm. "What
are you two doing out here on the porch? Gonna be dark soon."
"We were just having a little talk," I answered, flashing
the baby monitor at her, letting Alexa know that we were also
keeping tabs on Cooper and Madison at the same time. I stood
up and took both shopping bags from Alexa, only to receive a
whispery kiss on the lips for my generosity.
"Did you have fun with your mom and dad?" Merissa asked
Alexa, who reached down and helped her stand up as well.
"You buy some new clothes for yourself?"
Alexa nodded. "Some for the kids, too." The three of us
walked into the house and now, with privacy assured, Alexa
stepped forward and offered her wife a kiss, too. "Hmmmmm,
you look so pretty tonight, baby. I just LOVE that blouse!"
Alexa's bliss-blue eyes twinkled with adoration. "You and
Jeremy hang out today with the kids? What all were you
talking about when I got home and pulled up in the driveway?"
"We were talking about Jeremy's dad, and when he may or may
not go back to work," Merissa responded as I set the two heavy,
clunky shopping bags on the nearby sofa. My, I wonder how
much that little woman racked up on our credit card today?
"Jeremy and I have been talking all day, actually. It's been
really, really nice. Really open and honestly, candidly."
Alexa frowned for an instant. "You totally over being mad
about the funeral, Merissa? The big argument that we had?"
Merissa shook her head. "I will NEVER be over having to
skip the funeral for my husband's father. Madi having to
skip it, too. But it is passed now, and I've moved on. I am
no longer angry, yet still feel very hurt and betrayed by it.
At the same time, though, I no longer blame you or Jeremy.
I... I don't know who, or what to blame. But it's not you."
Alexa lowered her arms to her sides and the frown upon her
cherry sweet lips became even more pronounced. Merissa
decided to nip the sudden negativity in the bud before things
became any worse, however, by bringing a clump of Alexa's long
hair to her face and sniffing it. "God, Lexi, you're so
beautiful. Your hair smells all fresh and wonderful."
And just like that, Alexa perked up, and was smiling again.
"Hmmmmm... do you mind if I go check on Cooper and Madi? I
haven't seen either in several hours, and I think I'm having
withdrawal symptoms." A hot blush crept up Alexa's neck and
cheeks, then she giggled and shook her head softly.
Merissa sipped her bottled water. "By all means, go ahead.
Don't wake Madi, though. We had a time getting her to sleep."
Alexa flashed that winning smile. "I'll be back in a few."
With a bounce in her step, she went off to look in on the kids.
"It's been several weeks since you and I have had one of
our famous walks around Lake Quivira at night." I draped an
arm around Merissa's shoulder and pulled her close to me,
patting her stomach at the same time with my opposite hand.
"You feeling up for it? Lexi is home and can keep watch on
the kids for us until we get back. Good night for a walk."
"I'd love to go on a walk with you, Jeremy." She motioned
at the maternity blouse that shimmered down to the middle of
her thighs. "Let me put some pants on first, okay?"
Moments later, Merissa and I held hands as we strolled
along water's edge at lakeside. Alexa agreed to stay home and
be with the kids, but only on one condition - Merissa and I
had to come back soon. Alexa wanted to spend time with us.
"Originally I wanted to move in years ago and start my
medical practice right here in Lake Quivira, but that did
not happen, unfortunately," I told Merissa as the air all
around us held scents of the lake and the hum of attraction.
"I moved here, yes, but I ultimately chose [City Name] to
start my business, my practice. Lake Quivira is my favorite,
little town. I don't know of any other place that matches it.
Beautiful, quiet, peaceful... perfect, small American town.
I never want to live anywhere but here."
"When I first moved in with you and Lexi three years ago,
I was so scatterbrained from everything that happened with
Grayson," Merissa admitted. "I had been in Lake Quivira
before, obviously, but I never really noticed how beautiful
it was until a few months had passed after you and Lexi took
me in. I began to take walks like this at night. It was so
relaxing, taking in the sights and the little stores, and
knowing that the water was just a few steps from our front
door. I quickly saw why you and Lexi love it here so much.
There's so much in this little town that I often wonder why
everyone just doesn't walk instead of drive around it."
Merissa pointed at the old-fashioned lamp-posts with big,
round globes that rained light over the nearby sidewalks.
"This is nothing like Eudora, the town where I had that
apartment with Grayson off-campus. The streets, everything
here in Lake Quivira, feels friendly and loved. But in
Eudora, everything felt lonely and neglected."
"Perhaps that was the company you kept back then, and not
the town itself." I squeezed my wife's shoulder. "Eudora
is a friendly, little town if you ask me."
"I was determined to keep my distance from any man after
what happened with Grayson." Merissa touched my cheek and
smiled, and that simple touch made my pulse kick up to a much
higher notch. She inched closer and pressed the side of her
torso hard into me. "But there was always you, Jeremy, and for
four years I tried to fight the attraction that I felt from our
very first glance. You soon met Lexi, and you belonged to her.
But the attraction was too strong, especially after you and Lexi
let me move in so I could recover from my injuries. You helped
bring me back from the abyss, and when Lexi suggested that we
actually try a three-way relationship..."
"Everything fell into place," I finished. "Perfectly."
Merissa giggled. "Even though I had zero attraction to
other women. Never have, never will. Just Lexi, I guess."
"You and Lexi have known each other for literally your
entire lives," I reminded her. "You grew up together. Lexi
loves you, and you love her. Gender is meaningless."
"With us, it is." Merissa scrunched her face at me. "Do
you think it's weird that I don't consider myself bisexual?"
I shook my head as Merissa elaborated, "Lexi feels the same
way, actually. We have no attraction for other women. We
just... love each other, and want to be together."
"The two of you are like magic together."
"Lexi has always been demisexual, you know."
I raised an eyebrow at Merissa. "Demisexual?"
Merissa seemed surprised. "You don't know what that means?
Being demisexual is when you feel sexual attraction only with
those people you already have a deep, emotional bond with. Lexi
has to really know someone and, more importantly, trust them
completely, before she feels any sexual attraction at all. She
has been that way her entire life. It's why Lexi held onto her
virginity until she was 19 despite being the most popular girl
in high school, the head cheerleader, the homecoming queen.
She had guys swarming over her constantly, yet had no interest.
Lexi would shoo most of them away like flies."
"When we were younger and growing up, Lexi was always
different about crushes and relationships," Merissa added.
"She did not understand other girls and our obsessions with
celebrities, music stars. She was grossed out when girls
would date other boys for just the attention or prestige.
Lexi could not join in on conversations about the most
attractive guys in school or who the hottest actors were. I
doubt she even understood what HOT or SEXY meant back then."
"Lexi needs that element of complete trust and security
before she looks at anyone in a sexual sense," Merissa went
on. "Not just on the surface, but bone-deep, an attraction
that makes her see that person in a totally different light
than she did when first meeting. Lexi had a few boyfriends
in high school, but it was all casual. I guess you could
call one of them semi-serious. But then you came along,
Jeremy, and you completely swept Lexi off of her feet."
"You were older, more experienced, you treated her with
respect. Lexi may have 18 at the time, but she had the
mindset of someone who was 30, maybe even 40. No one older
had ever tried approaching her for a date like you did. And
wow, did Lexi fall hard for you. And fast. You earned her
trust almost immediately. I remember just a day or two after
she first met you, Jeremy, Lexi told me she was going to
marry you one day. Yet... she had zero interest in having
sex with you at the time. That... would come in time."
I shrugged and mused, "Demisexual?" A lot of what Merissa
had just said made sense, actually, and she gave a pretty
good description of what I perceived Alexa to be like in high
school. Perhaps that was one of the reasons, even if I did
not know it, why I was initially attracted to her so much in
2010? Alexa was different. She was unlike any other woman I
had ever known, but I would not change her one bit. She had
always been mature well beyond her years.
"And that's my theory on how Lexi ultimately came to want
me as a part of her everyday life and marriage with you,"
Merissa whispered. "I was at the absolute lowest point of my
life after what Grayson did to me in 2014. I had a busted
jaw, a broken wrist, I had those dizzy spells for months. I
had nightmares. I had no money and really, aside from moving
to Georgia with my mom and two brothers, I had nowhere to go."
"Yet Lexi and I were best friends. We have been best
friends since pre-school. There is no one in the world that
she trusts more than me. She knew how lonely I was, how
heartbroken I was, how I needed... something." Merissa took
a deep breath. "With Lexi and her personality, her mindset,
it only makes sense now that I look back on things that she
offered me a spot in your relationship. We have always been so
close, closer than sisters, and it made perfect sense." Merissa
smiled and added, "Let me love you, Lexi said to me, and take
care of you. I won't allow anyone to ever hurt you again,
and neither will Jeremy. If everything turns out right, maybe
one day you can be married to both of us. That... oh my."
Merissa became emotional, and had to turn away for an instant.
She wiped at a flow of tears with the back of her hand.
"Lexi and I went round and round on that whole idea for
weeks before she gave you that... proposal," I admitted. "I
was really unsure and had some serious doubts. I mean, I was
so happy with Lexi, and I did not want to jeopardize anything.
Plus, Cooper was still an infant. I..." After a brief
hesitation, I simply smiled. "I'm glad she convinced me."
"I'm glad, too," Merissa murmured with a shaky breath.
"Oh, wow. I remember the night Lexi said to me, Merissa, I'm
not attracted to any other girls whatsoever. Never have been,
never will be. I'm just attracted... to you. And I want to
show you how much I love you, if you will allow me. Let my
husband, Jeremy, show you how a REAL man, a kind, giving man,
is supposed to act in the bedroom." Merissa giggled and even
shivered theatrically. "I was like silly putty in her hands
after that. Lexi [Last Name] is the only girl on the face of
the planet who could get me to agree to... all of that."
"Because she is your best friend, and you love her? You've
known her all of your life, and you trust her completely?"
"Yes."
I smiled. "It's what I always say. You and Lexi simply
transcended being the absolute best of friends, like sisters,
even. You ascended... to something greater. It's very, very
unique, and I for one think it's wonderful. I love seeing you
and her together every day. I love seeing you interact and
talk with her. It's pure magic. I see the depth. You've
known each other for so long. It's truly... amazing. Neither
of you could survive without the other."
"Jeremy, let's go home," Merissa begged, even tugging at
my shirt now. "I need to see Lexi. I so want to kiss her."
I laughed and twirled Merissa impossibly closer. "Oh,
really? Will I be allowed in on the festivities, too?"
She blushed sweetly. "Of course you will, baby."
I pecked her forehead. "I like you, Merissa [Last Name].
A whole hell of a lot."
"That's a good thing, because I'm hoping you and Lexi get
reacquainted with every inch of me quite intimately tonight."
At the insinuation of a possible three-some with my two wives,
my primal instincts roused, and I chuckled. Merissa, though,
was quick to add, "Are you in the mood for it, Jeremy? I am,
and I REALLY want to be with both you and Lexi tonight. All
three of us, together. If you're NOT up to it - I know you're
still feeling down and depressed - I guess I could be with
Lexi, but I really want to enjoy both of you. Together."
I did my best to come across as being cute. "I heard your
belly growl more than once since we left the house, honey,
and I'd hate for you and Lexi to take advantage of me, use
me just for sex, on an empty stomach."
"Oh, you would, would you?" Merissa laughed at my tease
as we started walking back toward the house, again holding
hands. "Are you implying we should fix a snack first?"
I again patted Merissa's baby bump. "It would probably
be for the best." I then smiled at her. "If you and I are
having sex tonight with Lexi, part of it happens in the shower.
I LOVE being with the two of you in the shower."
Merissa was suddenly purring like a kitten. "Oh, I like
that idea. I like that idea... a LOT."
"You're not the only one."
As we continued our slow trek back toward the house,
Merissa shifted back to our original topic. "I just want you
to know, Jeremy, that I know what you are going through right
now. I'll always be here for you to talk to. I would give
anything to have my father back, still alive. My little
brother, too. Colton was only 19 when he died last September.
I would give anything to have either of them back with me."
I brushed the hair that whipped across Merissa's forehead
away, holding her gaze. "I know that, honey."
"In the days after Colton had his accident last year,
everything felt foreign. It felt different." Merissa frowned
again. "Every time I drive by the house where we grew up in
Overland Park, I envision Colton playing in the yard with me
when we were younger. Colton didn't even have any memories
of Dad, either, because he was only 21 months old - not even
age two yet - when Dad had his heart attack."
I forced a smile. "I'm sure both your father and Colton are
watching over you right now." Oh, where did that come from?
"In fact," I added, gulping my throat, "I KNOW they are."
"I really miss them both so much." She dropped her gaze.
"I could not stand to lose anyone else in my life. I just
couldn't. It would tear me to shreds inside."
I slid my hand to the nape of her neck and brushed my thumb
over her delicate skin. "Shhhhh, honey. Just settle down,
and relax. I know how much talking about your dad and Colton
hurts you. I can hear it in your voice."
Yet Merissa perked up and became all cheerful once we
reached the front yard of our log cabin home by the lake.
Alexa was on the porch, waiting for us to return with a
thick blanket in both hands.
"Oh, Merissa," she mewed with concern, rushing over to us
and wrapping the blanket around her wife's shoulders. "You
cold, baby? It's kind of chilly out tonight, isn't it?"
Alexa eyed that pregnancy bulge. "I don't want you to get
chills and maybe catch a cold."
Merissa swung an arm around Alexa's shoulder and smiled
at her, making them share the blanket together. "Oh, I'm
fine, honey. Just fine." When the two ladies broke away
from me and stepped into the house as the best of friends,
tighter than sisters, eternal soulmates, even, Merissa
backed Alexa into the nearby wall and sealed her lips over
hers in a sensual, dreamy kiss that left our wife stunned
and breathless. "And when Jeremy and I get you out of
these clothes later, my sweet Lexi, I will be EVEN BETTER..."
<<<- End of Chapter 09 ->>>
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"Recollections"
(c) 2017 Kaadorix
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