[[[-RECOLLECTIONS15.TXT-]]]
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Recollections
Written by: Kaadorix
M/F, F/F and a whole lot more
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Chapter 15: "Autobiography"
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This chapter is being brought to you by Lexi!
(Here we go. My attempt to sabotage Jeremy's ongoing story
and the look into our private lives and history together. I
mean, who are you people anyway? Why does Jeremy feel the
urge to share so much? What? This chapter is going to be an
autobiography of sorts (and a poor one at that) written by
ME, the one and only Lexi(...) Vote it zero stars now!!!)
** Please, honestly, don't bite. I'm not an author. I doubt
my fragile mind could withstand the criticism. **
Merissa was the first person to mistake me for someone cool.
When I was in preschool, Mom and Dad worked full-time, so I
went to an after-school program. It was riveting. Every day,
a little bus picked up a few kids from my class and made stops
at preschools throughout the city before taking us to the Kids
R Us recreation and academic center in Overland Park, Kansas.
A few hours later, Mom would get off of work and take me home.
I suppose I was sort of a loner back in those days, a rebel.
My parents took me camping earlier that summer and while other
children met and became fast friends, I talked to no one. I
was depressed all week and, the story goes, I begged Mom and
Dad to find me a friend. Any friend! Looking back nowadays,
they think that story is adorable, funny.
I still don't get it.
One day, Merissa marched to the very back of the schoolbus
(one row behind me) and tapped me on the back of my shoulder.
For a four-year-old, Merissa was confident, full of swagger.
I so wanted to be like her. She was my new hero.
"Hi, I'm Merissa. Are you friends with anyone else here?"
"Uh... yeah. John? He's sitting behind the driver." I
had known John for about two hours, but admitting that I was
friendless seemed like it would be worse than lying, so I
took the risk. "He's kind of weird, though."
Merissa leaned in. "We won't play with him then."
It took me until first grade when I finally realized just
how small I am. I was the smallest, youngest-looking child
in every group, no matter the situation. Keep this in mind
as you read this tale of self discovery. Whatever age I am
in a given time frame, subtract three years and that is what
I looked like. It wasn't easy being a freak. I mean, it is
one thing being the poodle in a group of pit bulls, but it
is another to be the hamster. Or perhaps the gerbil.
One night, I cried to Mom. Her response was to tell me
that at my age, she used to be a munchkin, too.
Wow, Mom. That really did not help me at all. But I did
calm down and Mom stressed to me that she turned out fine.
Mom did not live in a special community for the vertically
challenged and promised me that neither would I. Somehow, I
found the courage to go back to school the next day.
Even adults believed that I was actually quite younger
than I was. That made me extra sensitive and though the
adults probably meant well and were harmless, I became one
of those kids who did not enjoy grown-ups messing with me.
One summer, a Russian wrestling team came through our
hometown. Dad was a wrestler in high school, so I think it
is safe to say that he was a little starstruck. The coach
was pretty famous, a true legend, Dad told me. He took me
to their first match in town and, once it was over, Dad
pulled me along to said coach, an absolute mountain of a man.
"Vat iz yer name, yittle girl?"
"Lexi," replied my six-year-old self.
"Such a pretty name, Yexi!"
Damn foreigners, I simmered.
"No." I was more clear this time. "Lexi."
"Yes, Yexi!"
Oh, this motherfucker thinks this is cute, I thought. He
thinks we're playing a game, huh?
"It's LEXI," I said, putting on my most fearsome face.
Perhaps this was the birth of Diabolical Lexi. You know,
Jeremy always likes to tell you, the readers, about my mean
and sarcastic expressions. He makes it seem like I am famous
for them, or something. Now you know how it all began.
"Aww, Yexi!" He reached down and patted my head.
I snapped my face back toward Dad. How could he let the
Russian Bear get away with this? I was his daughter, his
flesh and blood. This man was disgracing me, my name!
Dad noticed I was on the verge of a temper tantrum and
picked me up. "I think she's a little tired." Oh, now I
see. I was going to have to fight, scratch and claw in
order to be taken seriously in this life.
Back at school, I went through a period where I actually
tried to embrace my smallness, learn to love it. Favorite
state in the country? Rhode Island. Favorite musical
instrument? The cello. Favorite animal? The gecko.
Always being the smallest gave me a specific role in life.
It gave me meaning, an identity. What's that, Miss Teacher?
You want us to line up by height? Excuse me while I give the
class their starting point. And my favorite, cheerleading
practice later on in school. Oh, I was getting thrown.
There was a time in my early childhood when I wanted to be a
veterinarian. This was inspired by a veterinarian (believe it
or not), the cat doctor as I thought of him, who would treat and
take care of my little kitty, Matt. The veterinarian's name was
Dr. Handsome. Or so I thought. I always thought that his name
was actually Dr. Hansen or Dr. Branson, but imagine my horror
when I learned in recent years that his name was Dr. Rambo. I
kid you not. How could I have decided to call him Dr. Handsome
at age five? Where did that come from? I knew he was nice and
helped my kitty, and other cats and animals too, so it seemed
like a pretty sweet gig. Mom, line up the college applications!
I further explained to Mom that when I grew up, I was going
to be a veterinarian who worked for free. Mom was a sucker for
my constant flights of fancy, especially with me being her
first and last child. But she had to point out that I may
face complications in my adult life as a veterinarian who
worked for free. What would I do for money?
I dwelled on this all night. It was tough being served a
heavy dose of reality.
"If I run out of money," I told Mom the next morning, having
thought of the perfect solution, "I'll just write a check!"
And it was at that moment when Mom realized that an
alternative career in finance would not be for me, either.
All through everything, Merissa remained my best friend.
Who knew when we met on the schoolbus after preschool that
she lived just three houses down the street with her own
parents and two brothers? I certainly did not.
Merissa taught me a fun little game called "Drama" when we
were eight and I was at her house one day, after school, with
her brothers and the babysitter. Merissa screamed at the top
of her lungs and the frightened, beleaguered babysitter came
rushing into the room in a panicked frenzy. "Just drama,"
Merissa told her. And thus, the first evil seed was planted.
When we were 10, I felt the cold sting of being the biggest
loser on the planet. Merissa's mom actually took her on a road
trip to St. Louis and they got to see Britney Spears live, and
in concert! OhmyGod! Why couldn't I go? I cried and sulked
at my parents for an entire month because they would not let
me go with Merissa and her mom, Michelle. I felt like such a
failure that Merissa got to go, but I didn't! LOSER!
Throughout those tough, formative years, people would often
tell Mom and Dad that I looked like a young Marcia Brady. I
did not know who Marcia Brady was, but hey, if she looked like
me, she couldn't be all bad. Thus, I had to do a Google search.
I remember watching the 1982 film, Annie, with Mom on our
first DVD player. My world exploded. Those girls were
dancing, singing, getting into trouble and playing with dogs.
I needed their life to be my own so much. Mom and I came to
a curious compromise... cheerleading.
My first coach, when I was 12, was a woman with enormous
black hair who seemed to bathe in knockoff Chanel No. 5 and
wear tacky jewelry. To this day, I have never met anyone who
is so unapologetic about the way they looked than Miss Leeds.
She glittered like a disco ball at all times. I mean, that
woman was all the colors of the rainbow, and I so wanted to
roll around in her closet. Or something like that.
I had two whole months in age on Merissa, which I thought
was a lifetime of experience back in those days. She joined
the junior high cheerleading squad, too. I remember on the
weekends, we would sometimes have sleepovers and she and I
played with my Ouija board on the floor. I would tell her
stories about Cosmos, the ghost who haunted the neighborhood
and how if we played with the Ouija board too much, Satan
would have enough power to bring Cosmos back from the dead
and destroy us all. Hey, I admit it. I was a dark kid.
And Merissa was so gullible, it was cruel fun.
Jeremy has already detailed my struggles with anorexia
and how, because of it, I was hospitalized at age 15 with
bradycardia (an incredibly slow heart-rate) and told that
without prompt medical action, I was hours from dying.
I was upset and crying, frantic even, and Mom and Dad
consented to everything the hospital wanted to do to me.
Legend is, the hospital was going to keep and treat me with or
without my parents' consent. I was hooked up to a heavy drip
of intravenous drugs, one after another, and the world quickly
came into a logical (but loopy) focus. I promised Mom and Dad
that I would do better if I made it through this, be a better
daughter for them. I was going to kick my bad eating habits
in the ass and never let anorexia effect me again.
Merissa suddenly came into the room. I whimpered a little,
although she was only doing what a best friend should do. The
drugs had really settled in by now. I was exhausted and stoned.
"Try not to smile, because you don't look right. Okay,
see, when you're not smiling you look okay. I mean, it's
like you're hungover or something. You look very weak, and
you look like you've been crying for several hours straight.
Oh, and there's a squirrel smoking a cigar in the hallway.
I think he is a detective and wants to ask you questions."
That was what Merissa said. Or, at least it is what I
thought she said, because I was... High. As. Fuck.
After six long weeks in the hospital (basically, my entire
summer break from high school in 2007), a girl asked me what
size my pants were. High school is that strange time in life
when girls ask each other all sorts of questions and, if you
do not answer, YOU are the weird one. Word had spread of my
bout with anorexia and my heart issues, and this girl (we
will call her Camille since I am in a good mood, and do not
want to give out her true identity) wanted to expose me for
the genetic freak that I was. That I always had been.
Camille wanted to hear that I was still forced to shop at
the Limited Too because of my short arms, legs and everything
else inbetween. But guess what, bitches? I'd been shopping
just that weekend at Wet Seal! It was trashy, but at least
it wasn't a store for children. I actually found a pair of
jeans there that I did not have to pin in the back.
I shrugged my shoulders. "A small, I guess?"
"Don't you mean a children's size ten?" Camille turned to
Merissa, who was spewing menacing lasers from her eyeballs. I
thought Merissa was about to go all Rambo (cough, cough) on
her or something. "You still shop at like, Kid Gap."
Oh, you wicked witch. Besides, Kid Gap was too expensive.
"These jeans are from Wet Seal," I said, pulling out the
tag to prove their origin. "Yeah, it's a zero, I guess."
"A triple zero!" Camille cackled back. I lost contact
with Camille after high school, which I suppose is not the
worst thing in the world. I figure that today, she passes
her time flaying old men for sport.
Which basically takes you, the reader, to the start of
this story (at least the flashback chapters; you know, the
"recollections"). I often wonder what my life would be like
today if I did not stumble across Jeremy three separate times
(in three separate cities) on the date of June 24, 2010.
Maybe I would be an Uber driver. Or perhaps the world's
worst bank teller. At least Merissa would still be my best
friend, right? Oh, wait. Merissa would have moved off to
Georgia to live with her mom and brother after Grayson beat
her unconscious and put her in the hospital in 2014. I would
not have been with Jeremy, and we could not have offered
Merissa a place to stay and piece her life back together.
And then have her eventually fall in love with us.
Perhaps I would have felt alone if Jeremy never entered my
life, depressed with Merissa gone, and I would have slumped
back into old, horrible habits and allowed anorexia to
finally claim my life for good. To this day, I simply do not
want to eat if I feel gloomy or depressed. Losing Merissa as
a best friend, if she moved away, would have crushed me. The
doctors told me in 2007 that my organs could not withstand
another attack of that illness and the side effects it caused.
I tend not to dwell on "what ifs", but I do think about it
on certain occasions. Like writing this chapter now, I guess.
I suppose this is a good spot to transition to the next part
of Jeremy's story, my own chance to follow up on the chapter 13
"recollection" from 2014 and give you an alternate perspective.
Okay, I will turn a little more serious now.
------
-*- Thursday, May 29, 2014 -*-
-*- Lake Quivira, Kansas -*-
(Three Years Ago // Flashback)
On the way home from my gig at the health club, where I was
a fitness instructor, I picked up my smartphone and gave it a
hard shake, but the screen remained black. Honestly, I felt
like screaming. How could I have possibly spilled my entire
cup of coffee from Perky's Cafe on it just after arriving at
work earlier this morning? I was able to call Jeremy and
tell him of the woeful, unfortunate incident, but my phone
went stealth shortly thereafter and refused to turn back on.
Death by caffeine, it would read on the tombstone.
Do you know how torturous it was go through almost an
entire workday without use of my smartphone? I could not
FaceTime with Jeremy like we almost always did during his
lunch break at the office. Nor could I hook up with Merissa,
who was acting as our babysitter back home, keeping an eye on
four-month-old Cooper for me. She would always bring Cooper
into the videos with her and my heart would invariably melt.
Hell, I could not check Twitter or my Instagram account,
either. How was I supposed to survive without my smartphone?
How could I keep up with current world events and news? New
posts on Pinterest, for Christ's sake? Just exactly how did
those neanderthals survive back in the stone age, when there
were no Internet phones? You know, ten years ago.
I stopped at a toy store on the way home on a whim and
bought Cooper a new teddy bear. I remember (recollected,
ahem) when I was young, Mom and Dad would sometimes bring
home surprise gifts and it would always make me feel special.
Cooper was way too young to understand and/or appreciate that
concept quite yet, but it was good to get the ball rolling.
When I finally pulled up in the driveway, Merissa bolted
out of the house with Cooper in both arms and ran over to my
car. "We have to go!" she yelled, full of worry, anxiety.
"Now! Why haven't you been answering your phone, Lexi?"
I watched as Merissa went around to the other side of the
vehicle and secured Cooper into his baby seat in the back.
"Umm. Mind tellin' me what's going on?"
Merissa leaned over the passenger seat and squeezed my arm.
"It's Jeremy. There's been an accident. We need to get to
the hospital. He's at Shawnee Mission Medical Center."
My mind suddenly reeled as if I had taken a debilitating
punch to the stomach. Merissa's words replayed through my
mind in slow motion. Jeremy. Accident. Hospital.
I fumbled for the keys, my fingers shaking uncontrollably,
and started the car again. Before pulling out, though, I took
a deep breath and steadied myself. I could not race through
the urban streets and down Interstate 435 like a crazy lunatic,
even though I wanted to. Merissa was in the car with me, as
was Cooper. I would do Jeremy no good if we got into an
accident ourselves and were unable to be with him.
"What happened?" I demanded to know. "Is Jeremy okay?"
"He was going to meet his friend Mike for lunch, but a
car broad-sided him along the way. He had to be taken to
the hospital. That's all I know. Mike said he tried to
call you dozens of times, but you would not answer."
"Spilled coffee on my phone and fried it."
"Mike eventually called and told me. I told him you were
probably on your way home from work and I would let you know
when you got there." Merissa glanced at her own phone, held
tightly in her hand. "Do you want me to call Mike so you can
speak to him? Maybe he has more news on Jeremy's condition
by now. I think you should talk to him."
I shook my head. "We'll be there in two minutes." Unless
my head exploded from the pounding inside it first. Jeremy
needed me and I could not be reached. Wasn't one of the
hallmarks of love, honor and obey to ensure that your spouse
is safe and cared for? I mean, seriously. The one time that
Jeremy really needed me, I'd failed him.
Merissa reached over and put a hand on my arm. "I'm sure
that Jeremy will be okay. If it was anything too serious, I
trust Mike would have called back and let me know."
"I have to get to Jeremy," I whispered, my voice cracking.
"If anything bad happens to him, I... I don't know what..."
Merissa squeezed my arm but said nothing more.
It was raining and visibility was bad as we ended the 11
mile journey from Lake Quivira to Shawnee Mission Medical
Center, just southeast of us, in Shawnee, Kansas.
"Jeremy [Last Name]," I announced to the receptionist
behind the desk in the E.R. lobby. "I'm his wife."
The woman barely glanced at her computer screen. "He's
in exam room four, just down the hall to your right."
I was beside myself as I raced down the corridor. Merissa
did her best to try and keep up with the baby stroller in
tow. At the room with the big "4" on it, I burst through it
and my heart literally skipped a decade's worth of beats as I
saw Jeremy in the bed, his eyes closed. A white bandage was
wound around his head and his arm was casted up to the elbow.
I must have let out a cry because Jeremy blinked and turned
his head on the pillow. "Lexi," he whispered, his voice weak.
But he had said my name and his eyes actually focused on
me. That had to be a good sign, yes?
I took two steps toward the bed, but then noticed Mike in
the chair at the corner of the room. Jeremy's business
associate and a fellow doctor, his best friend for 20 years.
"He's okay," Mike said, clearly reading the panic on my face.
"I'm fine," Jeremy added groggily. "Just came across a
young and careless driver today." I could tell that he was
on some heavy painkillers. "My poor car... not so fine."
As I stepped closer, I noticed several scratches along
Jeremy's neck and an unsightly bruise on one side of his face.
I clenched my jaw with a mix of worry, frustration and anger.
Jeremy had gotten hurt and I was not here to help soothe and
settle him until now. I wished the pain on me, not him.
But how could I make Jeremy feel better? What could I do?
Suddenly I realized I could not speak, could not move. Jeremy
looked so fragile, so helpless, his face pale against the
white linen sheet. I lifted my hand but then put it down
again, unsure what to do with my frazzled emotions.
Merissa took my arm and guided me to the edge of the bed
and actually pushed me down to sit next to Jeremy.
"What if I hurt him more?" I asked through gritted teeth,
trying to stand again.
But Merissa would not let me. "You won't." She took the
hand from Jeremy's uninjured arm and twined his fingers
around mine. I swallowed around the heavy lump in my throat.
Jeremy's skin was cool to the touch and I instinctively
grabbed his hand tighter, rubbing my fingers back and forth
until I felt some warmth seep through his pores.
"You don't have to talk," Merissa said, soothing her thumb
across Jeremy's forehead just below the bandage. "No need to
talk. We're just happy that you're okay."
Jeremy gave Merissa a wobbly smile and then turned his gaze
to me. "Some kid ran a red light in his car and smacked me
good in the intersection. I'm sorry, Lexi. I should have
been paying more attention." He made a tiny sound that may
have been a sob. "I don't like you worrying about me."
"Don't talk," I pleaded with Jeremy, caressing his cheek
with my palm. "Just rest. I'm here. Cooper is here, too.
You're okay. That's all that matters."
Jeremy's eyes actually lit up. "Cooper? My baby boy?"
His gaze traveled to the stroller and he smiled.
"His car is destroyed, but Jeremy made it out in pretty
good shape, all things considered," Mike brooded from the
corner. "He was 60 seconds from the diner where we were
going to meet and have lunch. Just... 60 seconds. It was
my idea that we go out for lunch. I'm so sorry, Lexi."
Mike shook his head and promptly exited the room.
"It's not his fault!" Jeremy said, squeezing my fingers.
"How was Mike supposed to know that some kid would wreck into
me?" Jeremy coughed hard. "Tell him it's not his fault."
"Hush now," I begged him. "I know it's not Mike's fault
and I will talk to him about that in due time." I lifted
Jeremy's hand and kissed the inside of his wrist. "I'm just
so happy that it's not any worse."
I watched as Merissa bent to give Jeremy's lips a simple
kiss. My heart sped up and a certain emotion overtook me
at once. "I'll find Mike and talk to him. You get some rest,
Jeremy, and soon we will take you home where you belong."
I could be mistaken, but was that the first time Merissa
actually kissed Jeremy? It was minor, a tiny peck, but I
am fairly certain that was the first time she had actually
kissed him. Merissa had a standing offer to join our
family, make it a three-way marriage and relationship, but
she was still mulling that whole idea over at the moment.
As Merissa turned to leave, I caught her hand. "Thank you
for taking that telephone call from Mike," I said, leaning up
to kiss her gently on the cheek. Merissa's features quickly
turned a bright shade of pink as she looked back over her
shoulder at Jeremy, who was now watching us with an interest
that overshadowed the effect of the painkillers.
"I'll be in the hall," Merissa said, leaving the room.
She and I had been kissing lately, but only very lightly,
playfully. Perhaps experimenting would be the ideal word.
"So the two of you..." Jeremy began as she left the room.
I could not help but to return my husband's smile. "There
is nothing new to report on that front. Merissa is still
taking her time to make the proper decision about our offer.
We will talk about it later, Jeremy. We'll talk about a lot
of things later. Right now, do as I said. Hush up, and rest.
I want you out of this horrible place as soon as possible."
Jeremy took a deep breath. "I love you, Lexi." Seconds
later, his eyes fluttered closed and he drifted off to sleep.
"I love you too, baby. With all of my heart."
I sat there in silence for several long moments, drinking
in every one of Jeremy's features. Somehow, the man looked
more staggeringly handsome to me with each passing day. I
loved the gray hairs that were just now starting to sprout
on his head. He was tall, dark and amazingly luscious, yet
also kind and honest. Whenever I was around him, I felt my
heart and mind open wide, and my very being seemed lighter.
Jeremy looked so peaceful, so innocent, as he slept in the
hospital bed. If I could keep Jeremy safe and upend my vow
to protect him, perhaps he and I could have another 40 years
of being together. I know that he was a lot older than me
(40 to 22 at the current time) and it was difficult to think
about the distant future, but Jeremy was the perfect man for
me. The ideal man. How could any woman love her husband as
much as I do Jeremy? I do not think it is possible.
Surely, I could never lose him. If I did, it would kill me.
------
I tucked the covers in tight around Jeremy, making his body
into a warm, cozy cocoon, then kissed his forehead and smiled.
"Hmm," Jeremy mumbled. "Feels so comfy."
Hours earlier at the hospital, Merissa sought out Mike and
convinced him that no one, most of all Jeremy, blamed him for
the accident. All Mike wanted was to get together as friends
and share a quick lunch in the middle of their work day.
Then Merissa tracked down the doctor who treated Jeremy and
made sure he discussed the injuries and treatment with me.
The doctor reassured me that a broken wrist was the worst of
his condition and he would recover without issue or surgery.
I had been both overwhelmed and terrified at just the mere
idea of Jeremy being hurt. This was a normal reaction for
any loving spouse I suppose. Merissa went over everything
the hospital said with me, attempting to downplay it and not
make Jeremy's injuries seem too severe. She did not want me
to worry about him any more than was absolutely necessary.
We brought Jeremy home just before dinnertime. Merissa
and I had to team up and literally carry him from the car up
to the bedroom. He had been too tired to talk to his sister
and either brother, but did share a few words with his mom
and dad, insisting that he was okay. But instead of going
to sleep, Jeremy begged Merissa and I to watch baseball with
him. The Royals were playing an away game, at Toronto, and
it was on television. Jeremy loves his Royals.
Unable to say no when Jeremy was so clearly out of it,
Merissa climbed onto the bed with us and I clicked on the
television with the remote from the other side of Jeremy.
Merissa nearly flinched when Jeremy positioned his head on
her soft, reassuring shoulder. It was awkward for Merissa
to even sit in bed with us, considering how we had given her
an open invitation to join our lives, for two to become three.
She pressed her head on the backboard and remained perfectly
still, not wanting to show a reaction to Jeremy or myself.
Meanwhile, I shared kisses and cuddles with Cooper.
We made it through three innings of the game before Jeremy
was too tired to continue watching. He complained about a
chill, so I ran two blankets through the dryer on high heat
to quickly warm them up. I also put Cooper down in his crib.
Merissa had vanished by the time I returned to the bedroom.
I bent to give Jeremy yet another kiss, but was surprised
when he reached out and took my hand.
"You're a good wife," he said sleepily.
"Good only takes you so far," I answered. In my mind, I
needed to be a better wife.
"You're prettier now than you've ever been before," he
continued as if I hadn't spoken. "Especially since you've
gotten older and stopped wearing so much make-up."
I smirked at this drug-induced critique of my beauty
habits. "Older? I'm only 22."
"You're so beautiful," he barely managed, tugging on my
sleeve until I sat on the edge of the bed. "I like the idea
of you and Merissa together... us... all together. It needs
to happen. Make it happen for me. Please, Lexi?"
I felt my mouth drop open. "That's up to Merissa. I
mean, you know that. The ball is in her court now. Who
knows? What we asked of her is pretty overwhelming to her,
I'm certain. But she may decide to stay with us for just
another week or two and then move out into her own..."
I stopped as Jeremy's eyes closed. His fingers dropped
from my arm. He was out like a light. Medicine was powerful.
I adjusted the pillow and blankets some. Then I tiptoed out
of the room and closed the door behind me.
"I'm not moving out," a voice said next to my ear.
I jumped back, my palm landing with a heavy thump on my
chest. "Jeez. Eavesdrop much?"
Merissa smiled. "Only when it counts."
Too exhausted and emotional to think straight, I went down
the stairs and Merissa followed me. "I'm tired," I told her
as we reached the bottom step. "I'm going to call off from
work in the morning and just stay home and hang out with
Jeremy and Cooper tomorrow. I don't think I will have the
energy or willpower for anything else."
"You need to get a replacement phone," Merissa reminded
me. "That shouldn't take you long. I will keep an eye on
Jeremy and Cooper if you want to do that tomorrow. Or, take
Cooper with you. The choice is yours."
When we stepped into the dining room, I noticed that the
table was set for two. My finest china and drinking glasses
flanked a single burning candle in the center of the table.
The scene was quite romantic, something similar to what Jeremy
had often sprung on me in our three years of marriage thus far.
"What's this?"
"Sit down," Merissa told me gently. "You haven't eaten
anything since this morning. We need to fix that."
"Did you..."
"I ordered carryout from the Italian place in Edwardsville.
They delivered."
I sighed. "I love their pasta."
Merissa smiled again. "I know you do."
I stared at her, momentarily stunned that on a day when I
had been through so much in worrying about Jeremy, Merissa
was ending it by showing concern and compassion for me. My
heart was seriously doing flip-flops in my chest.
"You did not have to do this," I said, not wanting her to
see how much the small gesture affected me. "I can..."
Merissa leaned forward and pressed a tender kiss to my
cheek. "Let me take care of you," she begged, whispering.
"Just for tonight. The same way you and Jeremy have taken
care of me these past few months, recovering from my own
injuries, Grayson's assault, the two surgeries. Please."
Merissa held out a chair for me and I sat, biting my lip
as I looked at the Vegan-style meatballs and spaghetti pasta,
as well as the salad and garlic bread in bowls on the table.
"It smells delicious," I said, breathing in the wondrous
aroma of the food. My stomach rumbled.
"It tastes even better," Merissa retorted, serving herself
generous portions of everything. She was hungry, too.
I cut off a quarter chunk of a meatball with the fork and
brought it to my mouth. Merissa was right; the food was
absolutely divine. As soon as I swallowed the initial bite,
I realized that the only other things I had eaten thus far
today was a doughnut muffin from Perky's and a protein bar
at work. I was so grateful for this magnificent feast.
"This may sound crazy," Merissa said after a few moments
of silent indulgence, "but I never realized just how much you
actually love Jeremy until today. I could see it in your
eyes when you were with him in the hospital."
The meatballs that had moments ago tasted like a little
slice of Heaven now seemed dry and stale in my mouth. "Seeing
Jeremy sick like that, vulnerable, was a real shocker."
"He's going to be perfectly okay." Merissa studied me over
the rim of her wineglass. "I asked Mike to stop by in the
morning and check on him before he goes to work."
I made the decision long ago never to consume alcohol
because it probably would not mix well with my prior heart
issues, so I took a big gulp of fruit punch to help wash
down the meatball that got lodged within my throat.
"You did a lot for Jeremy and me today. Cooper, too.
You don't know how much I appreciate everything."
"It's not a big deal," Merissa answered, shrugging. "I
love watching Cooper while you and Jeremy are off at work.
And the accident? Just bad timing. That's the story of
my life. Maybe my bad luck rubbed off on Jeremy today."
"I want you in our life full-time." I leaned forward
and tried to take her hand.
She folded her arms across her chest, seeming hesitant.
"We've been dancing, flirting, skirting around the bigger
question these past couple of weeks. Merissa, I've been in
love with you for the longest time, even if I did not realize
it until just recently. You clearly have feelings for Jeremy
and he has them for you, too. You and I have been closer than
sisters since we were four years old. This seems so natural to
me, so perfect. Let us love you, give you ultimate happiness.
Look past the many parts that do not make any sense. In time,
the three of us will figure out how to make them make sense."
She tried to laugh. "I'm still not sure if I want to go
down the I'm in love with another girl road, though you are
making it very, very tempting. Not to mention, the I'm in
love with a happily married man road, too."
"Why did you kiss Jeremy in front of me at the hospital?"
She lifted a shoulder. "Because I wanted to kiss him. He
needed the comfort. Did that make you jealous? I figured
that it would be okay, considering the circumstances. I..."
"Not jealous at all. I kind of liked it."
"Oh," was all she could suddenly manage.
I stood from the table. "I want to kiss you now. Not a
peck, or a whisper, but a full-on kiss."
"Oh," Merissa repeated.
"Do you want it too?"
Suddenly, Merissa's heart was etched across her face. She
nodded, and I drew her out of her chair into my arms. Despite
my intentions of wanting more, I offered up a tiny, little
kiss on the lips for now. Merissa glared back at me with big,
looming eyes, but did not show any signs of protest. I took
her hand into mine and whispered, "See? It's not so bad." I
peppered that hand with angel kisses, slow and sensual, very
loving. I even sucked on Merissa's index finger momentarily.
"How long have you had these thoughts about me?"
"What thoughts?"
Merissa sighed. "Lexi, God. These thoughts... of you
wanting to turn all lesbian on me!"
There it was. I rolled my eyes and contorted my face in a
unique expression (Jeremy would be really proud of that one).
"I'm not a lesbian, Merissa. How many times must I go over
this with you? I have Jeremy, and I am MORE than happily
married. You know that. I don't look at myself as bi-sexual,
or even bi-curious." I reached out and patted Merissa on the
wrist. "I mean, what's wrong with it? I'm attracted to you.
It's not like I'm attracted to any other girls. Just you,
Merissa, because you're... you. You've been my best friend
for as long as I can remember. I don't attach... the label of
you being another girl. You're just... you."
Merissa only had one arm up now, still covering her chest,
but I pulled it down, nipping away at her defenses. "There,
just like that," I whispered, licking and slurping away on
Merissa's neck. "I promise it will be okay." And then,
finally, I went in for my first deep, exploratory kiss.
Merissa squirmed and immediately came across as a teen-ager
in heat. I held my mouth over Merissa's, my tongue teasing
and prodding her in ways that clearly made her insides swoon.
When I withdrew my lips from hers, Merissa swallowed hard,
seemingly embarrassed by the way her body was instantly
responding so favorably to me, her life-long best friend.
"It's like our lips were expressly made for each other," I
observed. "These kisses... feel so right. So heavenly."
Merissa gulped. "Maybe I do belong with you after all."
"Good. Then move in with us. Permanently. Marry me,
Merissa. Marry us."
"Oh." Merissa pushed her lower lip out. "Don't ruin a
series of great kisses with that type of pressure, okay?"
"Oh, alright. For now, I suppose, I'll be quiet." I
smiled sweetly and moved my lips to Merissa's neck for a hard,
tongue-pressing suck. It was one of my patented, ultra moves.
It never failed to take Jeremy's breath away. I felt it would
have a similar effect on Merissa. How long would it be before
she simply caved in and gave Jeremy and I what we wanted most?
Because I knew that deep within her heart, she wanted it, too.
My mind was already made up. I never wanted to let Merissa
go. I wanted her to marry both Jeremy and me, and for her to
spend the rest of her life with us. I wanted to love Merissa
and forever take care of her, give her ultimate happiness. I
even wanted Jeremy to get her pregnant and for us to raise our
children together, brothers and sisters, as dual mothers.
Merissa gently pushed away. "Your priority will always be
Jeremy. Jeremy's priority will always be you. Is that really
fair for me to do to myself?" I nodded at her in compassion and
understanding. I could not blame her for that comment. But she
was so wrong. "When will I be someone's number one priority?"
"I want the priority around here to be US," I said softly,
twirling my finger about, trying to insinuate the family as a
whole. "Me, you, Jeremy, Cooper. Us, Merissa. US." I took a
step back, giving her space. "Would you consider making this
your permanent home? I want you here. With Jeremy and me, and
Cooper. It's not glamorous living by a sleepy, quiet lake,
and there is a long way to go before the house is spruced up
the way I envision it to be. But you make it better. I love
you, Cooper loves you and Jeremy, he also..."
I held my breath as I waited for her response.
"I think the past three, three-and-a-half months," Merissa
quietly said, "have proven that we all make a great team." I
love you. I love you. I love you. Those three words had
taken over my psyche, because it was how I really felt. I
wanted to drop down to a single knee and officially propose
to Merissa. There was no need for us "date" or try things
out. We had known each other for 18 years now and counting.
"I think," she then spoke carefully, "that I might like it if
I could share being a part of the priority."
I smiled and felt an overwhelming sense of happiness and
desire engulf me all at once. How long had Jeremy and I been
working on Merissa, gently poking and prodding her, wanting
her to finally see the potential in what we had offered her?
The good? The undying love. Finally, she had accepted.
"Come to bed tonight with Jeremy and me."
"Whoa?" Merissa pushed against my shoulders with her palms
when I tried to move in closer. "I'm agreeing to the next
step, Lexi. Not agreeing to the next ten steps all at once."
"Nothing has to happen tonight," I assured her. "Jeremy is
fast asleep and the pain meds will all but guarantee that he
stays that way throughout the night. It's us, Merissa. When
we were younger, do you remember the sleepovers we would have?
Everything was so simple, so innocent, back then. Let's have
a sleepover tonight. Trust me, it will be platonic."
"A sleepover with a zonked out Jeremy right next to us?"
I smiled. "Why not? When he wakes up in the morning and
sees us in bed with him, it will give him ideas." I bit my
lower lip and giggled. "His imagination will run wild."
"You and Jeremy are going to be the death of me."
"There are worse ways to die," I replied sympathetically.
"Then put me out of my misery," she whispered. "Please."
The raw desire in Merissa's eyes made me want to run and
jump into her arms. Instead, I looped a finger on either
side of her jeans and bent forward ever so slightly. Tonight
was a breakthrough for us, what Jeremy and I wanted. I was
fairly certain that with all of the tension in the air right
now, the hot, steamy overtones, I could easily consummate my
newfound mutual love with Merissa at this very moment if I so
desired. All it would take was a little more prodding, a few
more kisses, and she would be silly putty in my hands.
"Not yet," I breathed in response, deciding to hold my
ground. I had to. "Let's just go upstairs and kick back
tonight, have a sleepover like we did when we were younger."
"Lexi, this isn't..."
"I don't want anything serious to happen between you and I
until Jeremy is feeling better and can be part of it too. It
would not be fair to him. I could never do that to him. He
wants you as a part of our marriage just as much as I do."
Merissa shooed my hands away from her waist and took a
step back, understanding completely. After a moment of
thought, her lips then suddenly curled upward and she gave
me a playful smile. "A sleepover, huh? Do you still have
that Ouija board you used to have as a kid? God, Lexi, you
used to scare the daylights out of me with the ghost stories
you would tell while we played with that stupid Ouija board."
I tugged at her shirt now. "I bet I could find it."
Merissa glanced at the dinner buffet still spread out
before us. "We should clean up down here and put this stuff
into the refrigerator. In the morning Jeremy will hopefully
feel better, and he can have some of the pasta and bread.
It will help him regain some strength."
"Clean up. Then go upstairs," I pleaded. "Sleepover!"
"You're very persuasive, Lexi. Bossy and needy, even."
Her tone was light, playful. "It's actually kind of cute."
"Is that a yes?"
"It's a yes to everything you've ever asked me, baby."
<<<- End of Chapter 15 ->>>
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"Recollections"
(c) 2017 Kaadorix
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