Rescue Sixty 911 – Stag Salvation

Operator: Rescue Sixty 911. What is your erotic emergency?

Caller: Hiya, I’m at my stag party and. ..

Operator: I’m sorry sir, your what now?

Caller: Oh yeah, darn, international operators for a 24/7 hotline, I understand. I meant stag party, like bachelor party, before the wedding. Strippers and alcohol?

Operator: Ah yes, apologies for the delay in understanding. Yes, do proceed, I’m on board now.

Caller: Yes, thank you, so ehm stag party, pub, stripper who of course turns out to be a hooker, with a ferocious appetite for cock. She’s worked her way through 3 of the 8 groomsmen already, leaving them limp and empty and her still not sated.

Operator: OK. Sounds like the lady has a healthy appetite for sex. She definitely chose the right career. I wish all students would get such fitting career advice from the student councelor.

Caller: Yes. I agree. But ehm. .. I can’t get it up. And I’m only five groomsmen away from having to perform. I’m currently hiding in the bathroom.

Operator: Oh, that kind of erotic emergency.

Caller: Yeah. .. I don’t want to sound like a total wimp, but well, you know, my girl, I really love her and I don’t feel right doing this. It’s killing the mood. I tried drinks to get some Dutch courage, but that’s only making things worse. My mates. .. I’ll be the laughing stock if I stand there with a limb sausage, whilst the girl is more then happy for them to be fed to her in any hole. She ready to take on the whole pub, I’m afraid. When Robby climbed out underneath, he was exhausted. He wiped the sweat of his brow and said: ‘Someone else come fuck this lady. I can’t anymore.’ He’s been to special forces training. I’ve heard stories. I’ve seen him do her. Or rather, I’ve seen him being done by her. She beat him. On the beaches, the landing grounds, the fields, the streets and the hills. He surrendered. Somewhere Winston Churchill is turning in his grave and grumbling.

Operator: [stunned silence]

Caller: Hello? Are you still there?

Operator: Sorry, yes, ehm, I was wondering about this girl. We might have to hire her. Anyway. Let’s see what we can do for your particular conundrum. I think actually I can pull a near literal rabbit out of my hat, if your girlfriend would be willing to cooperate? Do you think she would? To save you from eternal embarrassment amongst your mates?

Caller: She loves me. I bet she’ll do anything to save my skin.

Operator: In that case, please hold, whilst I try to patch her into the call.

Narrator:

Our clients are asked to provide an extensive list of contacts when on-boarding, so in cases of emergencies the operator can either chime in or avoid entirely the persons relevant to the scenario. We are often asked to keep parents away from unfortunately timed surprise visits whilst intimate for example. Or neighbours who are about to bring that mower back finally, after it having spent 6 months in their garden shed. Unused I might say.

Operator: So everyone’s onboard, right? If so, I’m asking the EEMT’s to pick you up asap and drive you down to the pub, where we’ll sneak you inside, in the aforementioned playboy bunny outfit with mask to hide your identity. We’ll immediately let you get your fiancee and soon to be husband to unzip, so you can fluff him up and when he’s about ready to burst at the seams, direct him to the girl who’s devouring his mates. Then we slip you out again discretely and no one will be any wiser, as most of the attention will be on the girl anyway. We might even make her a recruitment offer right then and there, which’ll definitely draw away attention from what you’re doing to whom.

Caller: Righto. Let’s see if we can pull this off. I’ll see you in a minute babe. Let’s hope we can slow her progress somewhat.

Fiancee: The EEMT’s are here. See you in a bit. Luv you. You big girls’ blouse you!

Narrator:

Suffice it to say the plan worked like a charm. The infiltration was seamless, especially with the girl being offered a fixed position at our EEMT specialist support crews, where I’m happy to say she’s getting all the cock and love that she needs and then some. Being reunited with his true love caused the previous whiskey dick to return to the land of the living. And when he adorned the girl with his pearl necklace, his mates were on top of the world, momentarily forgetting the fact that all of them had yet to slake the girl’s thirsts and should prepare for round two. The groom in the meantime, pointing at his watch, whilst his disguised fiancee was absconded by our EEMT’s, left early, leaving it to the lads to help the poor wanting lass out.